how old are you?

[Rapunzel]

So, now that I'm turning 31 in a few weeks am I going to see a drastic reduction in my fertility? I know it took a couple of months with this last child (vs. one night at the age of 20) but am I looking at TTC for six or more months if I want another one?

Forgive my excitement, but I'm one of those Fertile Myrtles and the idea of getting to throw away birth control and still have kids every three years would be just dreamy!

Jennifer

[SuzySunshine]

29, DH is as well!

[Vishenka69]

Also, each successive pregnancy has worn me out.

I'm so worn out by my job that I'm kind of looking forward to taking time off to have kids. Most of our friends work in very high stress jobs and they are much more relaxed when home with a 2 month old then before pregnancy.

[Sheherezade]

True - Vishenka. It's a very different kind of tired. Life with kids (at least little ones) is much more laid back than a professional work environment. There are fewer deadlines and long term projects. It is very much "living in the moment". Of course, that moment is 24/7....and after awhile you realize the job ends only when you can hand them off to someone else or they sleep. (That's why sleep is such a focus for parents. It's quitting time!! )

I think most parents complain about exhaustion because it is just never-ever-ever ending and the focus leaves you and turns to this little bundle of joy. It changes all your choices for better and worse. I do think that having children - and living by their schedule/care as babies makes you get away from all the abstract bull in the work world and focus on daily life. Very Zen. I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

[DCJenn]

Yeah, well, I thought this stay at home thing would be a breeze but I have to tell you, it's the hardest job I've ever had.

When I say hard, I mean physically, bone-tired exhaustion. Mentally, it has it's moments but it's hard, too. I'm glad I'm able to do it but I truly look forward to the less demanding aspects like being on-call 24/7 and constantly carrying a pager.

Jenn

[Rapunzel]

Yeah, well, I thought this stay at home thing would be a breeze but I have to tell you, it's the hardest job I've ever had.

Would you please put that on a billboard near every major highway?

I get so darned tired of hearing that I "only" stay at home with my kids.

Yes, I'm bitter about that attitude.

Jennifer

[rainbabies]

What Annie said.

[Flynn]

I like the "being peed on" image!! My son would wait until the last minute and then, "Thar she blows!" It's funny now. NOT SO FUNNY at 4 a.m. when you've been up every three hours for 4 weeks. He peed on me EVERYTIME for about a week. It was scary how accurate he was!

Being a stay at home parent is exhausting on EVERY LEVEL. To me, sometimes the responsibility is SO HEAVY. This is so important and yet there are times when I just want to drop them off at my parents for --- oh say ALL DAY and just "be." (which I never do by the way ! )

My toughest challenge was how independent I was with DH working 120 hours a week before the 80 hour mandate, having my daughter, and then NEVER BEING TRULY ALONE -- unless there was babysitting involved. That was an adjustment. I was so used to doing my own thing.

To me, a regular job -- unless it's risking your life or saving someone else's -- can't compare. It's apples and oranges. I've never been so important, so happy, so exhausted, so measured. You have to pace yourself in this life or you go nuts.

Being a stay at home parent forces you to grow beyond where you thought you could go. I joked with Dh the other night and said "I was at maximum capacity for growth this year. I should be able to take a break and continue to grow in 2006."

[Vanquisher]

There are no vacations when you are a parent. You are on-call 24/7/365. Parenting is completely exhausting. You think you are doing okay, but you never really know until your kids grow up to become successfull good citizens or hobo axe murderers, do you? Very little in the way of positive feedback for your work. In fact, you can do a tremendous, wonderful job, and not hear a thanks for any of it. You are constantly taken for granted. You don't get paid. You have to deal with the grossest things imaginable. When they start school, other people begin to influence them, and it drives you mad (unless you homeschool, which let's be honest, most of us can't and won't, and that may not be the best idea either). It becomes harder to keep your house clean when you stay at home, not easier. There will be things that drive you nuts about your kids. You love them to death, but there are those things. You will question your decisions, and never know if you made the right one. You will have to watch them get sick and be in pain and try not to lose it yourself.

Good luck to all those who embark...

[rainbabies]

[Vishenka69]

I didn't mean to say that being a mom is less of a job. I know it's hard work, very hard work. I was just looking at some of our friends (none of whom have spouses in medicine) seem to be less stressed. I think that's largely because their husbands are home every night, their parents live nearby and they still have regular babysitters. It's a very different lifestyle than most of you have. And after listening to all of you probably, the only one I'd every try. I can't even start to imagine what it's like to raise multiple (or even one) kids all by yourself. I keep forgetting that being a SAHP also implies getting peed and spit on.

[Rapunzel]

Vishenka, I just realized this looked like a gang-up on you!

Don't worry - I don't think anyone meant to do that, it's more like a ritual we moms all go through everytime the subject of how hard motherhood is pops up. We have to repeat this ritual every so often and you just got caught up in the middle of it - that's all.

Jennifer

[SueC]

I don't think anybody took it that way Vishenka (at least I didn't), about being a mom being less of a job. If you break it down it is harder, but mainly because most moms are way more vested in their job as moms than whatever the job is in corporate life. You might blow off some comment you hear at work, but the moms in my circle (working and non-working) tend to dissect whatever is going on with their kids because it matters a little more than a traditional type of work. Rapunzel is right, we do tend to ressurect this theme and hash it out every now and then.

[Flynn]

Vishenka -- my apologies if I sounded defensive. When I talk about being a SAHP I am mostly talking to MYSELF and poking fun at...ME!

I had no idea how hard staying at home would be -- kind of like residency in that way. I was CLUELESS!!!!

I also had no idea how much I would love my kids either though. I'm thankful I can stay home and wouldn't have it any other way 98% of the time. I'm lucky. I don't wonder if I should be working. I'm not sure why. I just don't.

If and/or when you take the plunge you will make it work for you.

I agree with Annie on the patience thing though. Some people have RESERVES of patience -- and their regular job fostered that. Some people don't have that in their life pre-children and have to teach themselves to take a deep breath when said child is having a fit in the parking lot at high volumes and you have to basically man-handle them into their car seat while three people fight for your spot and glare at you to HURRY UP! THAT takes patience!!! 8)

You'll do great because that's what you HAVE to do -- your child will need your best and that's that!