What is the best area of medicine...

[Vanquisher]

Heidi has an interesting point. It isn't all about the doctor, if they have made a committment to a spouse (and become a parent) prior to picking a specialty. However, personality traits have to be considered, and there is no point picking a specialty that is family friendly if it makes you miserable.

Sally

Thanks, Sally. I do think it matters that the doc is happy, but only to a certain degree. When you are making decisions that impact your family and their happiness, it isn't all about you.

My husband would have been miserable if he was doing opthomology. He can't see focusing all of your training on a body part that small. Ortho is is favorite, and he loves the work he does. HOWEVER, maybe he would have been slightly less happy doing radiology, but still happy. Maybe it isn't all about that perfect specialty, but a compromise.

I'm certainly not doing what I set out to do with my life 10 years ago. Why does it have to be all about him? There has to be a balance. We are already on this road, but if we were starting again may have taken a different path.

So don't want this to sound wrong, but it is a lot easier to be supportive of your spouse's choice when it doesn't shake the core of your family like surgery does. If he had just fallen in love with family practice, that would have been an easier pill to swallow than this, even with the large pay difference.

[Amiens]

I agree with what everyone else has been saying about "do what makes him happy." You can't make a decision based solely on that. Dh liked surgery when he did his med rotation, but decided sleep was more valuable, and the residents just seemed plain miserable with their social life, or lack thereof.

For dh is boiled down to what part of medicine did he enjoy rather than what field- he wanted a balance between his professional life and his family life, didn't want to manage meds, but LOVES doing procedures. When it came to deciding what he wanted to do, he was between ER med and Anethesiology. He received the advice that if he wanted a good balance between family (ie- making the misses happy) and work to choose a ROAD specialty.

If dh had done that "do what makes HIM happy," he would be doing either a pediatric anesthesia or a CT anethesia fellowship- about another 1-2 years of training. Dh decided he had put me through enough, and thought it would be asking too much of me to do another 1-2 years.

Crystal

Crystal

[SuzySunshine]

I debated on whether or not I was going to weigh in on this one since my DH has obviously chosen a sterotypical "not family friendly" specialty and we are still relatively early in training to really answer the after training question, plus we don't have children, but I have to go with the "do what they love" school of thought. My DH has been doing research on the brain since he was in undergrad, he gets a rush that is unmatched when he's in the OR, he tried to like other specialities but would come home from med school rotations just miserable. When he comes home now he just glows, he can go on and on about what he saw that day and how cool or rare it was. Don't get me wrong, I'm a pessimist, always have been. My DH likes to remind me off it all the time but I'm one of these people that have never found my true calling, I'd quit my job tomorrow if I could, so its that much more important to me that he gets to do what he loves.

I don't really think there are any "correct" answers to this question, everyone has to make the choice of what is more important. If our healthcare system changes tomorrow and all of the salaries are cut in half would your spouses stick with what they've spent so many years of their lives training for. Mine would and to me that is what matters.

[Vishenka69]

I would have to agree with Heidi on this one. Yes, the med student should pick a specialty that makes him/her happy but if they're also married/engaged/in a serious relationship then the feelings of their SO should be considered as well. I'm pretty happy with DH's choice of anesthesia, which he picked all on his own. But I did weigh in during his surgical rotation in med school that if that's what he wants to pursue then I'm out of the picture until he's done with training. I think there are plenty of specialties that are much more lifestyle friendlier than surgery and OB.

[Meenah]

I'm with you too Heidi!!!!
Luanne

[Laker]

DW and I decided on rad onc because the lifestyle and the work, weighted equally. DW loves to work with cancer patients and didn't want to go the hem/med onc route due to the time/call committments. DW has worked with many rad oncs that work 3-4 days/wk because of job share arrangements. I hope to start my own legal practice and hopefully we both can work less than 5 days/week.

[Flynn]

A very interesting thread.

I would echo what Heidi and Annie said about surgery. What are you willing to risk? I think surgery risks EVERYTHING you hold dear out of the hospital.

We've braved the worst, are looking forward to the so called "perks" of survival, have almost signed a contract on the dotted line and I STILL look back and cringe.

Surgery comes at a HUGE price. Life shouldn't be THAT hard.

For Heidi and Kelly who are still deep in the trenches (Annie and I can see the light at the end of the....S^%#HOLE ) --- I love you guys. Hang in there and do what you can.

[SuzySunshine]

Well said, Annie!

[houseelf]

I'm really not in a place to answer this question right now.

Kelly

[Gwendolyn]

DH and I had a long talk about this thread last night. We played what if... It is such a good discussion that I wish we could have heard when he was in medical school. The good news is that we made the best decision for us and ended the conversation sure that we wouldn't make a different one.

I think that is what all of us on this thread are saying...there is sacrifice in this profession. Period. You can only give what you have to give. Finding a balance between family, career satisfaction, and mental health will always be a precarious balance. Even when you make the "right" decision, there will be plenty of days where it will still feel like the wrong one.

DH just had a "I don't want to do this anymore" day yesterday.

I honor those of you who are surviving 5,6,7 year residencies before fellowship with Q2,3,4 call schedules. I would of course like to believe that we would have survived it, but I have a nagging feeling we would have been pretty broken by the end.

[smiley]

I agree with Heidi.
I know a person who was going to interviews for surgery and they told her that you can judge the strength of a surgery program by their divorce rate. It was over 100%, that means it's a "good" program. GOOD for who? I have heard plenty of surgeons that have a heart attack or stroke early and they all sing the same tune; I wish I had spent more time with my family.
I think that a job is a job, if you love it,great, it's really just a source of income. Family and friends are the only things in life that matter. There are so many specialties to choose from whether they are ROAD or others, they are the only way to go!

Yeah. When DH was interviewing in general surgery, Duke was boasting something like 120% divorce rate.

When did those people find time to date to remarry??

[SuzySunshine]

They don't have to find time to date, they find someone like these girls on the bachelor who fall all over them because they're dawkters!

Yeh, I'm married to the specialty with the highest divorce rate, luckily the rate at this program is VERY low!

[PrincessFiona]

OK...so I don't want to take this discussion too far off topic, but the 120% divorce rate and the "the good programs have the highest divorce rates" comments have me thinking back to things that I've heard said about "training wives and future trophy wives" etc.

What is it about the profession that turns perfectly *normal* people with a desire to have a family and become a doctor etc into gung-ho turkey butts that believe that the 80 hour work week is *hurting* their training and that working their arses off and giving up their families actually makes them better doctors?

I remember it becoming a sort of 'badge of honor' to say that you STILL hadn't taken any of your vacation days alotted to you. The one EM resident who came home for lunch each day to eat with his wife/small children was ridiculed beyond belief by his peers and wasn't as accepted...even though he lived across the street from the hospital and was a "good doctor".

We have a surgeon here who did most of his training ivy league and then was involved in a very high-power surgical practice for several years....That all changed after he had a sort of aha experience (his wife was leaving him!) that maybe having a life to live was as important as his career. He has said on more than one occasion that he is a better doctor now because he is more balanced. He cares more now about what he is doing than he did when he was busting his hump and he spends more time reading and thinking about things professionally.

Have I sent us off on a total tangent?

[Rapunzel]

What is it about the profession that turns perfectly *normal* people with a desire to have a family and become a doctor etc into gung-ho turkey butts

No constructive comment here. Just thought this was a hilarious term....