Ladies - Did you change your last name after marriage?

[Ravenclaw]

I haven't changed my last name yet and I'm not sure if I want to. I go by my husband's last name socially but all of my legal docs still have my maiden name.
What did you guys do? Is it a huge hassle to change everything?

[SueC]

I changed it all, it seemed like going by a different name would be more trouble than it was worth, and hyphenating would have been way too much to write out. That was 7.5 years ago, but I don't remember it being that much of a hassle.

[Cumberland]

I changed mine, and use my middle name instead of my maiden bc my maiden rhymes strangely with my married.

[Meenah]

Hyphenated, a real pain in the ass, but it was a second marriage and I wanted to hang on to the name my daughters have.
Luanne

I changed mine, and took my maiden name as my middle name. I don't have a huge connection w/my dad (so keeping my maiden for 'family ties' wasn't a big concern), and my dh is Indian which meant my kids would most likely not match me physically, so I wanted our name to all be the same.

It was not a hassle at all, but gets more so the longer you wait. A friend of mine kept her maiden when they got married, intending to change it eventually once they had kids in school, etc. When they looked into doing it they found that it would be a huge hassle b/c of all of the things they had done as a married couple legally (buying a house, birth certificates for kids, etc.). She wishes she'd done it originally b/c of some school hassles she deals with now.

I thought I'd have a bigger problem with it (at the time) emotionally than I did. I went to sign my maiden name on something several years ago and couldn't get my hand to write it the way I used to.

[Ravenclaw]

I already have a middle name and don't want to lose that either. And hyphenating it would be too long. I feel really strange losing my last name. Religiously, it's recommended that I keep my last name so I don't lose all that heritage attached to it. I am so confused!!!!

Jesher - I'm thinking along the same lines as your friend - when I have kids, I want my last name to match their's. I'm hoping after a few years it will be easier for me to give up.

I have another friend who both kept her middle name and took her maiden name as an additional middle name. So it's as though her name is Jane Ann Smith Johnson. No hyphens or anything. Personally I think it gets a little long, but it's her choice and she's the one who has to fill out forms w/it. I had a middle name, but I dropped it. It was Lynn - just like every 3rd Jennifer born in the 70's. I'm convinced my parents looked at the bassinet next to me in the nursery and said "Jennifer Lynn - I like that!". But I digress.

You could always hyphenate so that your last name will match your kids. I just don't like it when people start hyphenating their kids last names. Then what happens if one of them wants to hypenate when they get married? You end up w/the worlds longest name! Just my opinion - don't want to tick anyone off. :!

I kept my maiden name until I found out that the baby's nursery ID would be the same as the mom's name even though the baby's real last name would have been dad's. So I got it changed about 2 years into our marriage.

I took my maiden name as my middle name then.

[Tenacious_D]

I, for the same reason as Jesher, want to share the same last name as my children because my husband and I are of different races and it might be hard enough for others to see them as my children without the name issue. I haven't officially changed it yet but I collected all the paper work and it doesn't seem that bad. I am going to keep my last name as my middle name (I can't let go of that ) I have a few friends who are waiting for the kids to come to change the name as well.

[alison]

No WAY! Touchy subject for my husband.
For two reasons I have kept my name:
1) Academically and professionally I've accomplished some things with my maiden name (my brother and I actually have my mom's maiden name, which she also kept--my dad doesn't like his last name and didn't want to pass it on). I'm selfish; I feel like I've done the stuff MYself with MY last name with MY family's support. From my husband's side, I get bad vibes from them about this. I get the feeling that they think I'm a "feminist man-hater" who is not a "true member of the family" and this makes me want to keep my name even more! Grrr.

2) My first name will have a silly alliteration with my husband's last name. Similar to "Bugs Bunny."

Don't even get me started on the names of future children....

[Phoebe]

Hyphenated: Brown-Pyle

Took on married name to share name with my kids. I had a friend whose mom hyphenated last name and then her dad ended up taking on the name, too. I don't know many males who would have done that.

[DCJenn]

Yes, because I had been married previously and was still using it professionally and personally. so...fast forward 4 years and I married a man named Hussey. Oh, yes I did.

and what was I going to say? "sorry, honey but the first hubbies name was better?" or go back to my maiden name? No choice BUT to change it to Hussey and embrace it.

Now that's True Love.

Jenn

[SuzySunshine]

I changed mine, its not too much of a hassle but change your Social first because you can't change anything else without that.

[Gwendolyn]

We struggled a lot with this. Dh wanted me to take his name and I didn't want to change. I caved to a compromise hoping I would begin to feel less strongly about it and hyphenated, but hated saying or writing my name.

Side note disclaimer…I believe it is a personal choice and I do not believe that all women should keep their name...it is a family decision. No judgment here.

For me, it was really difficult accept that my husband was able to live with his identity unchanged, while I had to bend. Had he hyphenated also, I would have felt differently. As I got closer to graduation, it hurt that Dh's doctorate had only his name and my doctorate would bear his name and my name, as if I could not claim the accomplishment as my own. (obviously I could not have done it with out him, but the same is true vice versa...partnership).

I decided to go back to my original name in all areas not desperately legal. I retained the hyphen on my social, license and bank. That way my son and I will have the same name. All publications, professional arenas (including pay check) and my diploma bear only my name. Although it seems like it could be a hassle, I have had no problems with it.

Dh was dissappointed at first, but once he understood how important it was to me, got over it.

[Vishenka69]

I'm too lazy to go through the hassle of changing everything. But both my passport and license expire next year, so may be that'll prompt me to finally change it. Not trying to make a stand or anything just too lazy to fill out some paperwork, also figure I have some time before the kids get in the picture.

For those of you who mailed your marriage license, did you send the original and did it come back to you?