Is it really like this?

My beloved husbnad is already attempting the sales pitch about next year.

"You know, we won't have any residents or fellows and there is only one other Army side child neurologist (and um, ONE on the Air Force side) so don't think my hours are going to get any better. There is no 80 hour workweek for staff...blah, blah, blah."

You know what I said? I said, and it was not nice, but I don't care. I said,

"Bite me, you'll be home in time for me to go to yoga. period."

I haven't sacrificed six years of my life for him to be gallavanting about the hospital in a non-emergency field....there is no emergency that requires the neurologist! Bitch about the pediatricians, bitch about the er docs, bitch about the nurses (although I wouldn't) but you WILL be home so that I can go to yoga.

I so, so, so hate medicine sometimes.

Jenn

Strong work.

[Vishenka69]

If I knew in MS3 what we know now, my husband would not be going into ortho. Period.

I learned about medical lifestyle before I even found this site from my mom's cousin who was doing general surgery pre-80 hr rule when DH was in med school. DH liked surgery and ortho and even did a paper in ortho peds but after talking my uncle and his wife, I realized that I'm not strong enough to support him in any kind of surgical specialty. Luckily for me, DH agreed that his own sanity and our relationship was more important. Unles your DH can not imagine his life without ortho, he might want to think about other specialties.

"Bite me, you'll be home in time for me to go to yoga. period."

Jenn, can I borrow that?

[planet]

Is it always like this…
Hmmm. JMHO, it varies by
**Specialty
Read through the posts and you can see who the ROADs are v. the Surg specialties(sub). Big difference in time commitment of SO. Of course, when a big thing comes along, like moving or childbirth, well, see Pam’s thread (you WILL make it and your husband can get himself an alarm clock). I think then that IS the way it is in most cases.
**How quickly SO picks things up.
Some people are married to the kind who learns quickly or is super efficient or has prioritized life (see #1) thus being present more often and able to pick up slack or handle own responsibilities. I think Alison once mentioned her DH falls into the learn fast category. My DH is bright, creative, but reads SOOOO slowly. It is actually a HUGE hindrance since he probably spent about three times longer than most just reading in med school. Thankfully it isn’t as much of an issue now.
**Social network
Now that I am settling in our area and have (gasp) friends, I have a much easier time ‘handling everything.’ I know I have backup and support. I also know I am not alone in this situation (although another mom I know is an attending's wife and she still has a lot of the same issues to deal with that we do -*sigh*- I really thought there was more light at the end of the tunnel).

More on my mind, but scrambling to get things done as usual, need to go through and see how everyone is doing, read posts, want to stay connected with all of you amazing folks!

is it really like this pt 2?

I am newbie to this post and agree think the best thing i have read thus far is the support group. i moved to a new city with my SO and finished schooling deciding that where she went to school was more important than where i found my job because my type of work (lawyer) can be done in any state. although, the problem i have found most often glaring is that i am a social butterfly and i don't seem to be able to make friends here. i just mentioned to her the possibility of being somewhere where i had a better support group to allow me to get through these hard times. it seems maybe that might be what makes this so hard. anyone like to expound on the advantages of the support group?

[Meenah]

This has been the best support group for me!!!!!!!!!!!
Luanne

Thanks Kris!

i agree. this seems like something i could definftely get into. what would be your advice to dealing with a SO so early in their medical career? What are things we cna do to make sure we keep the proverbial "fire" in our relationship?

mathorpe5053,

What are things we can do to make sure we keep the proverbial "fire" in our relationship?

Some things that I did while my wife was in school and the many, MANY hours of studying that went with that, was a surprise about every other week or maybe once a month at school. She would be studying in a breakout room and I delivered our favorite pizza and beers one night, once I took her some of our favorite Chinese take out. Usually these encounters were late at night and she was thankful and I got to spend some time with her as well. There were a couple other things too, we always went to our favorite Mexican place once a month on the weekend and had maragritas, chips & salsa...if nothing else. Other times I would go get her on the weekends she was studying and we would go to the local bookstore and I would get her several magazines and make her sit in the comfortable chairs flipping through the magazines drinking a Mocha-choka-lotta-sspresso(I am not a coffee drinker and she is from Seattle...not sure how we got together!). Anyway, it isn't about the big things at this point...if it ever is. It is the many small things that keep you connected, even if you are just walking around the block holding hands and not talking about anything, during a study break.
You are at a place in your relationship and her training that will take and take from you but you may get very little from her. It takes a lot of work, but you can do it!
This a great place to ask questions, vent went she studying for the 28th hour straight for that big _________ test and you haven't seen her in many moons, or to say I have been there and I feel your pain...it is hard we won't sugar coat it for you. It is a life like no other.

Again, welcome and we are glad that you found us! I only wish that I had found this site earlier in my times of "what did I just step in????"

thank you

thank you for the words of wisdom. i will definitely try that one! in fact, i am sure i will try it soon to be honest. i need to do something. when things are great they are great! but the time spent of apart really wears on us now. did you date your wife during medical school? if so, which did you find harder residency or the actual schooling? did you find having the support of friends and family important or were you living somewhere where you had few outlets in terms of friends and companions?