Moms and Moms to be

Is there a "best (or better) time" to start a family when your spouse is a doc? DH and I have been discussing family a lot lately, but with all the training he has yet to endure, I can't imagine when we will make time for a little one!

We're still young -- both of us are twenty-seven (almost twenty-eight). I always imagined that we would have at least one before thirty (we want three), but I'm beginning to doubt this is possible.

Until he's done with his fellowship (at least five years from now), I feel like I have to keep working full time. I know are ways to plan accordingly, but I don't know how to plan for this! Do we do it during residency? During fellowship? After fellowship? In the latter case, we may not be able to have three.

We're both excited about kids, but we want to wait for the right time. Problem is, neither of us know what the "right time" is! I know that a lot of you are moms. Just wondering how you did (or didn't) prepare, and whether or not you have any advice about when to start trying.

And how big a factor was your spouse's schedule in planning to start a family? I mean, we could theoretically have kids right away, but DH would never have time to enjoy being a dad.

Just wondering how everyone else handled the timing.

P.S. DH is so jealous that I found this website. He wants to visit himself, just to see what other spouses of docs have to say

this is an oft-discussed topic here. if you search on "right time" or "start a family" you should find tons of posts.

personally, we waited until 2nd year of residency (path was 5, +1 year of fellowship). I initally returned to work, but was laid off when ds was 7 months and never looked for another job. we have HUGE debt -- we really counted on the pay off at the end, but I can't imagine waiting until now to start having kids.

welcome - glad you found us early. it's a great place IMO

Search around in the parenting forum -- there have been lots of posts on this topic.

[SuzySunshine]

We got married 1/2 way through medical school, are now in PGY-2 and are 29, turning 30 in August. We had originally planned to wait until PGY-5 for our first, my DH's program is 7 years. But we've decided to start now, we've been trying since last June with no luck and are now at the doctor assistance stage because of issues my body was having. So I guess my recommendation is don't wait too long because sometimes your body doesn't cooperate. I will work with the first one and then stay home when we have the 2nd one 2-3 years later. I had originally hoped to stay home for good with the first one but financially thats just not possible for us if we want to continue the lifestyle we have, and we do. There are some very good places around here that I'd be secure knowing where my child was.

Good luck with your decision, it took us a long time to come to ours!

[spotty_dog]

Re: Moms and Moms to be

We're both excited about kids, but we want to wait for the right time. Problem is, neither of us know what the "right time" is! I know that a lot of you are moms. Just wondering how you did (or didn't) prepare, and whether or not you have any advice about when to start trying.

And how big a factor was your spouse's schedule in planning to start a family? I mean, we could theoretically have kids right away, but DH would never have time to enjoy being a dad.

It's great to have people to commisserate, huh!

I am pregnant with my first due in October and my husand starts residency this June. We *mostly* planned it this way (plus or minus a couple of months ). I'll be 27 when the baby is born.

I was definitely concerned that my DH will miss out on some daddy stuff. However, as an emergency resident he'll usually have more free time than most residents. And he is not particularly concerned about his schedule (feeling it's more important that *I* be available to the baby in the early months), though I have a feeling he might have some regrets when he starts missing important milestones and such.

We're not in the throes of it all yet, but I think this is going to work out well for us. However, every family is different. Just weigh all your options, remember that it will never be *perfect* timing, and try to aim for "pretty good" timing. It'll work out, one way or the other.

I'm not a great person to ask this since we had our fourth during MS1 If we all waited until the "right time" to have children we would probably never have them If you feel ready as a couple you are ready. Best of luck to you. Glad you found us!


Tara

I agree. There is no universal "right time", and both DH and I felt we could either wait (and wait and wait) for a "good time" in training, OR we could just have kids. So we had DD in DH's second year of medical school. I'm a SAHM, and we knew that would make things a lot more difficult, but its something we chose and accept. And I wouldn't say DH hasn't missed out on enjoying being a dad. He's very good at making time for family, something that keeps all of us happy and sane.

[Sheherezade]

As I get older (and wiser, ha ha), I actually get a more refined opinion on this. My latest thought is that you should consider your future children's school time and the moves that will be required by training. It would be great to have your oldest just entering school about a year out of training. Then, you'd have a year to pick a district and settle down in the right house before the school years kick in. Lately, I'm feeling really trapped by my kids. I would HATE to move them again because the moves during the school year have been difficult transitions. So, we are "stuck" with this school district until they are done. (Barring major events of course) Love the schools, but kinda sorta hate my house. We picked the schools and had to pick a limited number of houses in order to be in by DH's job start date. Not ideal. I wish we'd had a little more time to make a housing decision once we were in the area. That couldn't happen because my kids are already school age and were desperate to be "settled" after a nomadic training childhood.

Of course....it's hard to control nature. We planned my pregnancies (at the time) but you shoot for a window of year or so. Within that, you have to accept what happens. It's usually not perfect.

I'd say have kids so that you will be settled down by the time they are in say, 5th or 6th grade. Cliques are re-formed in Jr. High/ Middle School and its tougher after that.

That's all I have, besides saying its a lot easier to be broke when the kids are tiny than when they are in school and are all about fitting in and having all the same stuff.