Is it really worth it?

Okay, so I know many if not all here have had these moments, but for me it's been happening more and more frequently. I feel like a single parent to our 2 kids, and that is not what I ever wanted. My husband always says that things will be different once he is out of his residency, because he'll supposedly have way more flexibility with his hours. And he says that since he is not a "workaholic" he will definitely engineer things so that he is gone as little as possible. I wish I could believe this! I just don't know of any doctors who have somewhat calm, balanced lives, and I really wonder if it is possible. In my darker moments, I think about how if that time ever does come, we may not have all that much time left, as he has a chronic illness that in all likelihood will have some pretty serious effects down the road. I don't know how much of this is a matter of compromising with him versus me just needing to find better ways of coping. I mean, isn't it my responsibility to look after my own happiness and make the best of what there is?
Needed to vent I guess. Thanks for listening.

[Meenah]

You are not alone. If he truly isn't a workaholic it will definitely get better after training. It will never be like the "people next door" who work 9-5 Mon-Fri, but should get better. Feel better, sometimes all you need is to vent!!!!.

[DCJenn]

First, welcome.

Post an introduction if you haven't yet. (I have about 10 minutes to check right now and streamline my surfing)

I know that anyone with a child has felt like a single parent and everyone without has just felt single. I'm sure with your husband's illness your worried about him on top of this crazy lifestyle.

For some, life after residency will be much different. With others, (the workaholics like Luanne's husband) life doesn't change. and some people end up employed in situations that end up requiring crazy hours despite the fact that they don't really want to work 80+ hours anymore. (My husband's future boss started out the conversation after "do you want to work here" with "you know, there's no 80 hour work week for staff."

Come back often and post away! This is a great place to come for support because some one always gets it.

Jenn

[PrincessFiona]

If that is his attitude, it will likely get better. He will have a choice when he is done about working private practice or for a large group....and will have much more control over his hours.

My husband opted to step of of the treadmill after years of residency and fellowship that had really hurt our marriage. It wasn't an easy choice for him at the time and I've sometimes been frustrated by not living in a more 'metropolitan' area....but...he has total control over his schedule and hours and he is laid back. He, btw, never goes to work until 9 or 9.30am and can choose to go in later if his schedule allows. This means he has to work a little later on some days, but it works for him and us....he also gets 1/2 day off a week and an entire day off if he takes call and rounds all weekend.

Of course, you never get these years back. The only good thing is that it can be temporary. It sounds like his illness is another complicating factor. Hopefully he will continue to do well.

What kind of a residency is he doing?

kris

kris