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Ok, dh and I are planning to start a family in the next 1-2 years. I was browsing at Barnes and Nobles this afternoon, procrastinating away on a deadline when I came across a book entitled something like Queen Bee moms and Kingpin Dads.
The author, while suggesting that parents adopt a more low-key approach, wrote extensively on how parents should handle conflict situations such as:
1. Having your child discuss a perceived unfair grade on a single paper with the teacher. Or, the parent going to discuss it.
2. What to do in the frequent situation that the PTA is controlled by a mom who revels in her petty power, talks behind everyone's back, and exercises despotic control over issues like will there be coffee at the brunch. For example, how to assert yourself over the fact that there must be coffee or that mom 1 shouldn't badmouth mom 2.
3. Also, while not endorsing, the book included myriad stories of parents joining PTA in order to lobby to get their kids into certain classes, with certain teachers etc, parents going absolutely crazy over college admissions including dropping thousands on special consultants, parents talking about how other parents' kid looks slutty, and parents on this PTA organization generally sniping at each other, arguing over ridiculous details (cookies versus brownies!), etc.
I cannot envision having this type of extreme involvement in every detail of my child's life and maintaining my sanity. For example, I cannot imagine interceding over a single bad grade (yes, over a very bad grade for an entire year or quarter but a single paper or even string of papers!). I can't imagine encouraging my child to talk to their teacher over isolated instances of perceived unfair grades - - I mean, life is not a meritocracy. And, this PTA thing sounds like hell on earth as described in the book, plus as working parents dh and I would need to choose our volunteer activities carefully, preferably those where we are interacting with our child not other adults. I also can't imagine calling other parents because their kid was mean to my kid or because my kid wasn't invited to a birthday party - - prolonged bullying and hazing yes, of course, you should address but the book talked about confronting parents when child friendship breaks up and former child friend is now mean to your child. I can't even imagine where parents get the time for all of this active intervention!
What the book described sounded to me like the worst kind of return to high school imaginable. It also made me wonder if, in the event the author is correct in her descriptions, we are raising a generation of self-centered whiners! Or, maybe this is some sign that dh and I are not ready for parenting or should stay in the city or should raise our children abroad!!!
Are your schools, PTAs, parenting interactions as, uh, intense as this book describes? Did your views change when you actually had children (i.e., did you, like me, think you would give your child a fair amount of space pre-children but changed, experienced a visceral protectiveness when your child was born).
The author, while suggesting that parents adopt a more low-key approach, wrote extensively on how parents should handle conflict situations such as:
1. Having your child discuss a perceived unfair grade on a single paper with the teacher. Or, the parent going to discuss it.
2. What to do in the frequent situation that the PTA is controlled by a mom who revels in her petty power, talks behind everyone's back, and exercises despotic control over issues like will there be coffee at the brunch. For example, how to assert yourself over the fact that there must be coffee or that mom 1 shouldn't badmouth mom 2.
3. Also, while not endorsing, the book included myriad stories of parents joining PTA in order to lobby to get their kids into certain classes, with certain teachers etc, parents going absolutely crazy over college admissions including dropping thousands on special consultants, parents talking about how other parents' kid looks slutty, and parents on this PTA organization generally sniping at each other, arguing over ridiculous details (cookies versus brownies!), etc.
I cannot envision having this type of extreme involvement in every detail of my child's life and maintaining my sanity. For example, I cannot imagine interceding over a single bad grade (yes, over a very bad grade for an entire year or quarter but a single paper or even string of papers!). I can't imagine encouraging my child to talk to their teacher over isolated instances of perceived unfair grades - - I mean, life is not a meritocracy. And, this PTA thing sounds like hell on earth as described in the book, plus as working parents dh and I would need to choose our volunteer activities carefully, preferably those where we are interacting with our child not other adults. I also can't imagine calling other parents because their kid was mean to my kid or because my kid wasn't invited to a birthday party - - prolonged bullying and hazing yes, of course, you should address but the book talked about confronting parents when child friendship breaks up and former child friend is now mean to your child. I can't even imagine where parents get the time for all of this active intervention!
What the book described sounded to me like the worst kind of return to high school imaginable. It also made me wonder if, in the event the author is correct in her descriptions, we are raising a generation of self-centered whiners! Or, maybe this is some sign that dh and I are not ready for parenting or should stay in the city or should raise our children abroad!!!
Are your schools, PTAs, parenting interactions as, uh, intense as this book describes? Did your views change when you actually had children (i.e., did you, like me, think you would give your child a fair amount of space pre-children but changed, experienced a visceral protectiveness when your child was born).
I felt like this author capitalized on stereotyping women and mothers and it got me pretty hell-fired up. We women don't need men to subjugate us. We got plenty of our own willing to tear us down. 
I'm such a bitch.
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