Apologies

I can't believe I'm going to say ANYTHING nice about W, but yes - that was a v. nice thing to do.

I generally apologize when I feel I'm wrong, or out of line. I have apologized in the debate forum here, and to plenty of other folks when I've spoken to soon, or too hot, etc. Why - I just apologized to dh tonight for not nailing down the directions for our outing. I figured I would "find it", and it's a hot-button issue for him. We ended up having a hard time finding it and he got all stressed (more than I thought necessary). It was starting to get edgy, so I sucked it up and said "Sorry about that. I should have nailed that down before I left. I know it's a pet peeve of yours." Suddenly his edginess vanished.

I finally figured out around 35 that there is just not enough time in life, if I screw up I screw up I know, I'm a bit of a late bloomer...sorry

I always say that apologizing was the ONLY good thing I learned from my father. He's a royal jerk, totally selfish, immoral (had an affair w/my 2nd grade teacher & left my mom), but he'll always say he's sorry.

[Vanquisher]

I apologize for everything.

"I'm sorry you got a paper cut."

"It wasn't your fault."

"I know, but I am still sorry it happened."

I got this little character trait from my mom. I don't think it is a bad thing, necessarily, as I believe it shows empathy, a quality of which I am proud that I have. Sometimes, I think it can be annoying to other people when I am constantly sorry, but I truly am sorry, and it is genuine.

As for that other thread, I'm not touching it with a 10 foot pole. Sorry for the cliche.

Well, sometimes I apologize too quickly to avoid a fight / tension. Actually, this sometimes escalates the conflict as DW will rightly note that my apology wasn't sincere (and sometimes she's very right).

[mommax3]

I have also become more willing to apologize as I have gotten older. I will NOT apologize, however, for calling somebody on something, if I have done it politely; advocating for my children, even if I step on someone's toes; and having strong religious beliefs.

What makes me maddest in terms of apologies is when someone says "I am sorry IF you were offended. That is not only NOT an apology, it is a veiled insult to boot, implying that the offendee is hyper-sensitive and irrational. Better not to apologize at all if that is the best you can do, imo.

Sally

[fluffhead]

If I honk my horn accidentally while waiting at a red light I will go to ridiculous lengths to try to clarify my apologies to the person in front of me.

[migirl]

If I honk my horn accidentally while waiting at a red light I will go to ridiculous lengths to try to clarify my apologies to the person in front of me.

This is really funny to me for some reason! What, exactly, is it that you do to convey your apology?

I'm not very good at apologizing. I hate, hate, hate admitting that I might actually be wrong about something. I know, very mature of me. It's definitely something I need to work on.

[fluffhead]

This is really funny to me for some reason! What, exactly, is it that you do to convey your apology?

It would be even funnier if you saw it - I motion with my hands and nod my head emphatically, and if I have a chance later to pull up to the car, I wave and smile non-threateningly.

[Gwendolyn]

I have also become more willing to apologize as I have gotten older. I will NOT apologize, however, for calling somebody on something, if I have done it politely; advocating for my children, even if I step on someone's toes; and having strong religious beliefs.

What makes me maddest in terms of apologies is when someone says "I am sorry IF you were offended. That is not only NOT an apology, it is a veiled insult to boot, implying that the offendee is hyper-sensitive and irrational. Better not to apologize at all if that is the best you can do, imo.

Sally

Me too. I never have a problem apologizing if I have hurt someone, but I will stand my ground on key issues, like my child. As I have gotten older, I have learned to get over the fact that not everyone will like me, no matter what. So, I can feel empathy for them, but not allow a walk all over me sign to be pasted to my forehead. (O.K., truth be told I am still working on it...I apologize too readily to avoid/resolve conflict)

What wasn't mentioned in the story above, was how WELL the reporter handled W's needling initially. In response W's comment about it not being sunny to the viewers, the reporter said something along the lines of "I guess that depends on your perspective".

I think he did the right thing in calling the guy and apologizing, beause honestly, if he hadn't, those of us that, ahem, aren't too fond of him wouldn't have let him off the hook

As far as when to apologize, I think that getting in the habbit of apologizing for hitting or something of the like as a child might better enable us to apologize and mean it as adults. I probably tend to overapologize out of sympathy. I won't apologize for hitting a car that just cut me off in a crosswalk when I had the right of way :>

[Sheherezade]

Interesting topic. Personally, I am an empathetic apologist too. When I do screw up, I apologize. I've learned to accept my flaws with age as well.

In my children's school, they use an educational system known as "Responsive Classroom". One of the elements of the program is the "Apology of Action". The idea is that an apology should try to repair the damage done. It's based on one of the basic tenets : If you break it, you fix it. As adults, we do this all the time. You spill red wine on someone's carpet - apologize and offer to pay for the damage. We've had some interesting discussions with the kids about how you "fix" someone once you've hurt their feelings. Sometimes it seems impossible, but they do try to make things better. If they tease, they offer to publicly explain that they didn't mean it and they were going for the laugh/attention. If they exclude, they offer to play a new game with the offended child. It's an interesting concept, because it gets at the idea that these days "I'm sorry" often doesn't mean jack. The words have lost their power because they *are* more of a social contruct so much of the time. Sometimes the kids think "I'm sorry" is enough - but sometimes it isn't. It is interesting to see their perspective and realize that even at the age of 6, they already know that "I'm sorry" is complex.

I apologize for everything even when I really shouldn't. Our cleaning lady showed up on the wrong day. I apologized for not being home and even offered to give her some gas money for driving over here even though she was the one who had her days mixed up. This is really something I need to work on.

I really, really get turned off when a business doesn't apologize for a mistake. We recently had a problem with our bank that caused me to decide to switch banks. It was a very minor problem, but I was upset that they never apologized for the mistake so I decided to take our business elsewhere. I also hate it when I am standing in line at the store for a long time and the cashier doesn't apologize for the wait. I know it's such a silly thing, but it really is a turn off for me.

Angie, the preschool I used to work at had a similar policy....if Johnny pushed Tommy down, we would ask Johnny to apologize and help Tommy hold ice on his knee or apply a bandage. It was very effective, imo.

[SueC]

Re: W--Yes, I agree that was a nice thing to do.
Apologies in general I suck at, though I'm getting better at that as an adult. If I do think I offended somebody, I tend to beat myself up over it and rather than pretending it didn't happen I am finding if I actually bring it up and apologize I feel a whole lot better and I'm assuming the other person does as well. I just realized that last sentence is a huge ron-on but I'm too lazy to fix it so cringe away those of you that pay attention to that sort of thing!

[Flynn]

I am getting much better about this. I do it more often (say I'm sorry) and it's getting easier and easier.

I am NOT an "over apologizer." Not even close.

I do find it MUCH more difficult to apologize to DH than ANYONE else on the planet which I agree 100% is TWISTED. It's like I suddenly "keep score" when I never do it ordinarily. So when I screw up with him, my attitude is "dude cut me some slack, I've MORE than earned it."

Yes I'm a bit of a piece of work but I am trying (sincerely) to improve here.

I've met a few of you here but I bet most of you picture me looking like a freakish troll due to some of my "hard lines" and "strong opinions". It's one of the reason I never have posted a picture of me.

Anyway, this is a nice reminder to "keep working on my issues."