getting through residency

My partner is a new resident, and from what I read in the forums here and what I got from our previous medical spouse group in med school, it seems like the main strategy for getting through residency is getting by as best you can -- grin and bear it.

Is there any other way? It just seems like a loss of time and energy to see the next three years as tolerating and making do under such difficult circumstances, of living only for the light at the end of the tunnel.

My partner is stressed, and we are alone in our new city. We have no family or friends here. I am only here part-time -- 2 weeks here, then 2 weeks in NC b/c I'm in graduate school there. My way of dealing during med school was to become codependent (way too much giving and helping and refusing to receive), which I recently came to realize and am working on resolving. How do you get through residency (1) without only giving and not receiving and (2) when you are so busy yourself? It seems the conditions are ripe for giving and not receiving, especially since one's spouse can barely take care of her/himself.

Thanks.

Michellle

Michelle -

You've certainly got your plate full. A lot depends on the specialty that your partner is in, but intern year is pretty much rotten across the board. We always say be sure to have your own life, which it sounds like you're doing with your PhD work. A lot of it is surviving, with some high points tossed in.

Welcome back, and good luck with your new situation. We've got a member who just moved to Rochester, so perhaps you two could eventually connect (although she just had a baby on Monday, so it will likely be awhile).

[Vanquisher]

Welcome back, and good luck with your new situation. We've got a member who just moved to Rochester, so perhaps you two could eventually connect (although she just had a baby on Monday, so it will likely be awhile).

Jenn, she didn't move to Rochester, she moved to Albany. They are 4 hours apart.

Michelle, good luck. So as not to hijack your post, I will just say that it sucks. I am there with you, and come here often.

[spotty_dog]

Re: getting through residency

My partner is a new resident, and from what I read in the forums here and what I got from our previous medical spouse group in med school, it seems like the main strategy for getting through residency is getting by as best you can -- grin and bear it.

My hubby's a new emergency resident too. It's my understanding that we've got it pretty lucky compared with some specialties. If you got used to an ebb and flow in medical school, something similar will apply now. Some off-service months will be killer. ED months will be a bit easier. Some off-service months will be cake (we're told that at this hospital, Anesthesia shifts mean going in, throwing in a few tubes, going home in the early afternoon. After all the EM residents don't have to know how to keep a patient under anesthesia, just how to get them there.)

Hopefully with your PhD program you can have the flexibility to take off and do something on those occasions when he's got a couple of days off in a row during an ED rotation.

I guess my attitude is that this is life, it's not something to be gotten through or resented, just dealt with. Chin up! You're both going places!

Jenn, she didn't move to Rochester, she moved to Albany. They are 4 hours apart.

oops. let's just say geography is not my strong suit. sorry to get your hopes up Michelle.

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the support. Even though there seems to be no better way through it, having people listen and understand lifted some weight off my shoulders.

My partner may have two days off this weekend, if she's able to switch with somebody, so we're planning to take a day trip down to Ithaca NY, go to Moosewood Restaurant, bike ride and see some waterfalls and gorges, maybe check out a lesbian bar if she's up for it. It will be good to have some together time and get away.

Michelle

That reminds me of the "Ithaca is Gorges" bumpersticker. It is beautiful -- have a great time!

A change of scenery always helps, IMO.

[fluffhead]

Welcome.
I hear the Moosewood Restaurant is something of a letdown, if you're expecting some kind of shrine to the cookbooks.
I LOVE the cookbooks.
I used to watch Molly Katzen's show on PBS, dunno if it's still on.
Anyway, regarding Getting Through Residency -
Today is our last day of residency. One Day at a Time has generally worked for us, and having extremely low expectations has also been something for which I've strived. I still have extremely low expectations for anything being that much better tomorrow, post-residency. I guess in general, these four years have dashed my expectations all to hell, and made me a much more pessimistic person. So maybe don't take my advice.

[Gwendolyn]

Welcome Michelle,
I was finishing my PhD during DHs intern year...sounds like you guys are in a similar position? That year was extreemly difficult for us. We did alot of living for the moment. I got through by finding an activity (ballet) not school related that stayed constant. It helped that the women were great and I loved going. They became a tremendous support when I felt so very lonely...like DH couldn't attend my defense party...they were all there. This board helped a bunch once we moved and I had not yet found that support. And even though I have started making friends here, having a place where people understrand you unique situation has been invaluable.

Good luck!! I look forward to hearing more about how its going

[Meenah]

I LOVE the Moosewood, it was alot of fun. I think I have all of their cookbooks (collecting dust).. My husband and I went there two years ago while on vacation.

[spotty_dog]

Sounds like a great plan! We went for a hike and went swimming in a lake today before the new EM resident sees his very first patients tomorrow morning.

[planet]

A plan for getting through residency? I like to stick with my partners...






Ben and Jerry :]
:

Cute Tara

Unfortunately these partners decided to stick with me too. My new years resolution (now thankfully possible) is to shake Ben and Jerry from my thighs. Boy, they hang on tighter than a two year old!