Birthday's, are they a big deal?

4 of my oldest, closest friends in the world forgot my birthday. Kind of. I talked to them all the week before, like the Mon or Tues and they all said they'd call on my birthday, which was the following Sunday. None of them did. (other friends called). I decided to send my best friend an email, it was very nice and over a week after my b'day, just saying that i was a little disappointed that i didn't get a call from her. She wrote back apologizing that she's so busy right now. Now she's 8 months pregnant and has a 2 year old so I understand she's busy. I don't have kids but I don't expect the world either. I feel like it's one special day for me in the year, and that a phone call is not much to ask for. It doesn't even have to be a long one. If she was busy, she could have said, i've only got a sec but I wanted to call, etc. Due to the excuses I didn't tell the three others. I have since got mails from two of them, nothing about my birthday mentioned.

Would you bother bringing it up? Does a phone call matter to you guys living out of town? Am I being a baby?

I don't know. I guess I have a few good friends where each of us sort of remembers each other's birthdays or not from year to year. Sometimes, I hit the trifecta with them -- call, small gift and card -- all on time (and they with me). Other times, I don't do any of it on time. Sometimes, I just wish them a happy birthday a couple of weeks after the big day. The older I get (I'm 32), the fewer folks (outside my wife) even know / remember what day my birthday is.

So, from my perspective, the fact that you and several friends are communicating regularly (i.e. all the phone calls prior to your birthday plus the few friends who also called on the day itself) seems good to me.

I guess I'm trying to say, just because they didn't call on the big day doesn't mean (at least to me) that they've "forgotten" you and it doesn't seem odd that the day would pass. Heck, I even have a birthday minder on my palm pilot and still don't get my wishes out on time.

[Vanquisher]

These days I am surprised if my mother remembers my birthday, and I am convinced that my husband only remembers because I nag him about it, and his own birthday is only two days after mine. As for my friends, nada, and I do not expect it.

It would be nice to have my one special day, but I haven't had that in years. This year all I wanted is my husband to clean the house for me, and then for Mother's Day a week later when he didn't manage to do it for my birthday. Neither happened. Disappointing? Yes.

The most recognition I get for my birthday anymore is when I tell all of you and I get "Happy Birthdays" online.

Honestly, I think you are making too big of a deal of it. Your friends care about you, and that is all that matters. Because they didn't take time out of their day to acknowledge your birthday, doesn't mean they don't think of you other days. I think, as we get older, birthdays hold less significance to ourselves and others. It is nice to be special, but you can still have a special day when it isn't your birthday.

So, Happy Belated Birthday, and I hope this year is full of wonder for you!

I would be hurt if mama, daddy, or DW forgot my birthday but none of them have yet.

Heidi's post above reminded me of what I actually did for my birthday (at least part of my celebration this past year). I took a page out of a coworker's book -- he always takes off of work for his birthday. So, I did that last year. Of course, no one could take off with me but I planned a fun day for myself that included golf, beer, and mcdonalds. It was a fun if chilly outing (birthday is in November).

I did things with others after that but it was fun not to go into the office. Alas, even if it becomes a new tradition for me, it won't happen this next year as my birthday falls on a Saturday.

I see what you guys are saying. I guess the only reason I was a bit upset is we always make it a point of calling eachother on b'days. It's been a tradition really. We all do it, every year, for everyones. Till now anyways. I guess because this is my first one i'm out of the city, I really noticed. Oh well, moving along. :!

[Vanquisher]

I see. Well, it makes a big difference when you are in a different city. When you are in the same place, it just seems easier to keep busy in each other's lives, if that makes sense. I have friends that when we lived in the same city, we would talk many times per week, and now that I have moved away, we only talk occasionally or e-mail. We still have each other in our hearts though. You just become less a part of each other's day to day existence.

I didn't really make that connection to your original post. I have lived away from my "home" city for 6 years now, and it has definitely made a difference in others acknowledging important events in my life.

It's just easier to be present in someone's life when they are present. It sucks, but it's true. One of the evils of the medical life is few escape it without being displaced from loved ones a time or two.

[Meenah]

Life is large!!! I wouldn't take it personally, it is just part of growing in many ways. Happy birthday from all of us!!!!

Kevin, what day is your birthday? There are alot of November babies here. We should do a birthday forum somewhere. I'll work on it.

[Stella]

I'm November as well. Born on Thanksgiving Day.

[Vishenka69]

I wouldn't make a big deal about it. The older I get the less my birthday becomes a big deal. Especially when your spouse has to work late on that day and for the entire week and it gets rescheduled around his calls and case loads, the day itself becomes less and less special. Now I sound like Heidi.

[Vanquisher]

Now I sound like Heidi.

Uh oh! I hope that isn't too bad?

[alison]

Well, here's a slight twist on what's been said so far.

I never never never cared about my birthday until dh made this HUGE deal about birthdays being all about the birthday girl/boy, presents, cake, candles, singing, cards, balloons, sunshine, waterfalls....you get my point... Anyway, once while we were still long distance, I FORGOT about his birthday! :nono: He was doing nightshifts over in Germany, and at the time I was still living in Seattle. So with him at the hospital overnight and the 9-hour time difference, it was difficult to find a good time to call. When I thought about calling, he was in transit to or from the hospital. And then.... I forgot. He was so mad. He's still mad about that birthday.

These days I give him the works. I don't understand why his and other birthdays are SO important to him, but after the birthday I forgot, I now know NEVER to forget his b-day nor his entire side of the family's b-days.

It's rubbing off on me a bit, because dh wasn't around for my b-day this past year.

To make a long story short, if it's an important thing to you, then go ahead, be miffed!

[Stella]

I am a big holiday person in general. I buy cheesy orange lights and dress up on Halloween. I buy a real live Christmas tree for a city apartment. I sing Christmas carols. I buy SO chocolate and stuffed animals on Valentine's Day and I buy hats and blowers on New Years. I got upset last week on the 4th when my lazy friends wanted to sit around and watch Tivo'd episodes of The Office instead of watch the fireworks.

My birthday, however, is always a sore subject since I was born on Thanksgiving Day. When I was about 10 I got a pumpkin pie in place of a birthday cake and I threw one of my biggest temper tantrums ever and wouldn't touch a bit of it. (Somehow this became "funny" to my family and didn't stop my parents from doing it again years later as a joke...)

Anyway, my friends have always done something extra special to set aside my birthday from the holiday and so does SO and his family. It means a lot and I, too, would be pouty if it didn't continue to stay this way. Maybe it won't, I'm still young, but I sure hope it does!

[DCJenn]

My next birthday better be a celebration!

My family always made a big deal out of birthdays, etc. (except for the one year when I had to make my own birthday cake)

My husband has always found birthdays to be anti-climactic- like most holidays. I don't know if it's because his family are really bad gift givers or if it's because he's adopted or what, but he's a drag on his birthday and mine.

Jenn

[Stella]

My SO never thought Birthdays were that big of a deal until I planned his last year. I made the entire weekend a surprise and ended up taking him to a theme park! It was really fun and he still talks about how it was the coolest birthday he's ever had. Now, fun birthday surprises have become our tradition!

Last year, SO was on call for my b'day, and for his, actually. I thought I didn't mind postponing mine... until the actual day hit and I didn't have anything planned . He and I celebrated a day late and I didn't really do anything with my girlfriends until the following weekend because I was in the midst of getting things together to close on the house 10 days later.

Not being raised with strong a religious influence, birthday celebrations were the only festive tradition we had with significant sentiment behind it. I make a big deal out of everybody's birthday, not just my own. My out-of-town friends and I always miss birthdays, but we haven't really celebrated together since high school. My college roommate and local friends all call or e-mail. I'd be bummed if one of them forgot. It's funny, but birthdays have become more important as my girlfriends and I approach and pass 30. Maybe because most of us aren't married or because we finally make enough money to exchange gifts.