Relaxation

I'm actually starting to get a bit worried about the toll DH's career is taking on his health. He'll be 39 this year, and although the previous 100 hour weeks of his worklife in Japan have dropped to 70 or so now in Australia, I think he could (although he will never admit it) be heading for burnout. That's 70 hours of cardiac surgery a week, dealing with life and death situations every day. Although he seems to cope fairly well, I think there's only so much a person (and a family) can handle! His skin is a mess with atopic dermatitis which causes constant itchiness, he's getting pretty grumpy, and lately he's started to complain of chest pain. I don't think he gets enough sleep and he genuinely doesn't have time or energy to exercise. His intentions are good, but it is really hard for him to follow through. Fortunately he's not overweight, doesn't smoke and the constant threat of call means he hardly drinks either.

It seems like since we've got married, we've jumped from crisis to crisis and have never had time to just "chill out". In less than three years, we've done an international wedding three months after meeting, moved houses, quit jobs, got a visa, got medical registration in the face of tightened restrictions, got a new job, started my business, moved countries, passed hellish fellowship exams in a foreign language, had a baby which involved a very difficult pregnancy and birth, faced a year of severe sleep deprivation from said child, bought our first house, moved into it, suffered deaths in the family, and are now facing applying for a specialist position. And that's not all....

I imagine others might have been in similar situations before (or are still there...) and I wonder what worked for you. How can you encourage your SO to look after their OWN health, for the sake of their family, their relationships, their job, and themselves?

More specifically, could anyone perhaps point me in the direction of a CD or something similar which DH could use for relaxation or meditation? The sessions would need to be short (definitely less than 20 minutes) and stubborn-man friendly!

Thanks very much in advance.

Oh, and did I mention that he hasn't taken a holiday in forever because he wants to show his boss what a hard worker he is (and therefore the right guy for the job mentioned above...) Seriously, it was a struggle to get him to agree to take two days off to help me with DD when I have surgery done next month!

He's not exactly a workaholic, as he'd probably rather relax if given the choice, but the boundary is getting a little fuzzy...

Doctors are always the worst patients (although he probably knows someone who can check out that chest pain for him).

As far as relaxation, I like a woman named Belle Ruth Naperstak. She makes creative visualization CDs for any/all ailments, including general stress. Her voice is insanely calming, and always made me feel better. I've used her cd's for grief and for pregnancy/delivery.

here is what i found for relaxation:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/188140 ... 44?ie=UTF8

I don't know that it fits the the "man test" ... but it's the best suggestion I have.

[DCJenn]

One of the only ways I can get my husband to chill, even a little is to insist that he come with us on the occasional family walk. We were able to do this more in DC where it's not 100+ degrees at the end of the day but so far we've been able to walk on weekend mornings. We load the toddler in the jogging stroller, put the dog on his leash, bring waters for everyone (we have a fold up dog bowl) and off we go for at least an hour. It's nice because we get to have grown up talk (in between the "oh, look at the fishies" chatter) and to walk off some stresses of the week.

Is there a gym at the hospital? There are always gyms at the military hospitals but I don't know about civilian ones. You might want to point out that unless his boss is a total jerk, he shouldn't mind if your husband takes 30 minutes from his world and goes running or something. My husband used to go when he was on-call- he was there, he had access to a shower and he had the pager if they needed him ASAP. Otherwise he took 30-45 minutes and ran.

Of course, my husband also has to pass a fitness test every six months so the military is probably more encouraging of at-work fitness than most.

Kundalini yoga is good because it emphasizes breathing and the sessions can be as tough as you care tomake them. Ana Brett and Ravi Singh have some great cds. But they're not for relaxation in the car, either.

Jenn

[SuzySunshine]

Mine is similar with Jenn. Molly and I walk every night, most nights before DH is home. But if he is home I encourage him to come with us, he does about half of the time. He has always been a runner and tries really hard to run when he can, unfortunately that is only about once/month.

I have the same concerns because while DH is only turning 30 this year, his father and both his uncles were on cholesterol medication by the time they were 40. Getting him to go to a doctor is impossible but I think I'm going to have to put my foot down on that in the next couple of years. Maybe once we get pregnant I can use a Life Insurance policy as a guise for him to have a check-up.

I don't really have any suggestions, just know that we all feel your pain.

[ides]

I dont' have a lot of advice on how to motivate, other than being loving, patient and encouraging. For us, over the years dh has become pretty motivated about his health. The two main factors are that he is in his mid 30's and his father died in open heart surgery in his fifties. His grandfather also died young with heart disease. It's sad, but has become a real motivator for him. Also, I have a metabolic health condition so it helps me when he's healthy and he wants me to be healthy so when we finally have money we can do stuff. Regarding exercise, we have an exercise bike dh used to use a lot but now he barely has time to sleep. So, he has taken to using the stairs at work and tries to run once a week (that doesn't always happen). He tells himself that's its faster to take the stairs and will helps him get work done faster. well, that's the manly idea.

DH can easily become a huge ball of tense and grew up never exercising. Over the years he's learned a few stretches from me and before he goes to bed he will usually stretch for five to ten minutes and then meditates another five. It helps him a lot. When he's feeling crappy I suggest he stretch a little and he always feels more relaxed afterwards. dh read a book about breathing and meditation on his own and added that to the routine. If meditation seems too hokey, laying/sitting and concentrating on breathing deeply and slowly for five minutes will do the same thing. If he feels weird about it you can do it together. Before dh started stretching on his own I would invite him to stretch with me. It was fun, it was time together and he learned that it made him more relaxed.

Regarding skin, dh also doesn't have very good skin. I've encouraged him to wash his face half way thru every shift and moisturize with a very good cream (that isn't perfumy and in a small nondescript container). I also encourage him to drink lots of water. Working such long hours and never getting a break can lead to dehydration and then everything seems to decline from there.

My only other suggestion is to make it easy for him. Like, pack him water, make sure he has face cream, give him hugs and tell him you want him to be around a long time. Good luck!

Thanks for the tips. DH's birthday is coming up, so I think I'll order that CD from Amazon. Short "sessions" are important - I can't imagine him sitting and listening for long periods!

As for the exercise issue...he is keen, so I'll try to find little opportunities to encourage him. Even if it's just on weekends, I guess I can drag him out on little walks. I've actually just sent him off to the golf driving range now to go and hit some balls. (Hard). Hope I'm not creating a golf widow of myself, though!

Doctors really do make bad patients, don't they! (Not to mention shocking nurses....but that's a whole different topic.)

Thanks again.

Jenn, I just wanted to say thank you for your recommendation. I got the CD you mentioned and gave it to DH for his birthday last month. It took a little encouragement for him to use it the first time (read: foot massage!) but he got into it straight away. I can see it is doing him some good, and so can he. I always suggest it now after a tough day.

Thank you!

I'm so glad to hear that! Perhaps I need to take a bit of my own advice~