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So tomorrow is the 2-year anniversary of my dad's death. Long story short, he was hit by an underage drunk driver and spent the next 5 weeks fighting for life in the ICU. What made it difficult was he was in the same hospital that DH was/is affiliated with. He was just starting his 2nd year of med school when this happened.
Sometimes it seems like it was so long ago, but other times it feels like yesterday. I miss him so much. It still feels so weird to go over to my parents' house and not have him emerge from his bed to come say hi and ask me if I've checked my oil lately.
This morning I was listening to one of the dj's telling how he had taken his kids to buy new shoes for school. He went into how he can never bring himself to buy anything for himself. That he needs new shoes, but can't quite bring himself to spend the money, but when it comes to his kids there's no question. That was my dad to a tee. He never wanted for anything (other than cigarettes and lotto scratch-offs). He just always wanted to make sure he provided for us and gave us the things he didn't have growing up. When we would give him new things he would always smell them. He loved the scent of new things; again a reflection of his own childhood.
Lately I've been fearing losing Chris. All of a sudden these dreadful thoughts will sneak into my mind...how horrible a thought. I'm chocking it up to the fact that my dad and all that is riding so heavy on my mind. I talked to Chris about this tonight and he said what I already know, "You can't worry about the future, you have to live life in the present." My head knows this, but my heart is usually always in control, no matter what those doctor-folk say.
Sorry for being such a downer tonight.
Sometimes it seems like it was so long ago, but other times it feels like yesterday. I miss him so much. It still feels so weird to go over to my parents' house and not have him emerge from his bed to come say hi and ask me if I've checked my oil lately.
This morning I was listening to one of the dj's telling how he had taken his kids to buy new shoes for school. He went into how he can never bring himself to buy anything for himself. That he needs new shoes, but can't quite bring himself to spend the money, but when it comes to his kids there's no question. That was my dad to a tee. He never wanted for anything (other than cigarettes and lotto scratch-offs). He just always wanted to make sure he provided for us and gave us the things he didn't have growing up. When we would give him new things he would always smell them. He loved the scent of new things; again a reflection of his own childhood.
Lately I've been fearing losing Chris. All of a sudden these dreadful thoughts will sneak into my mind...how horrible a thought. I'm chocking it up to the fact that my dad and all that is riding so heavy on my mind. I talked to Chris about this tonight and he said what I already know, "You can't worry about the future, you have to live life in the present." My head knows this, but my heart is usually always in control, no matter what those doctor-folk say.
Sorry for being such a downer tonight.
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