Please give advice on dealing with a strained father

I also have a strained relationship with my dad. In the past, it's worked best for me to put it in writing. That way I have the time to review, cry if I need to, and make sure it really says what I am trying to say. Always sleep on it for at least a night, re-read in the morning and make sure it is what you want.

He probably thinks you were being selfish or demanding, you see him as being inflexible and selfish in his own right. If you can furnish the backstory (saving for med-school, other issues) outside of the heat of the conflict, it may help to smooth things over. Be sure you explain that you do not want this to be the defining "issue" in your relationship.

Good luck!

[KCwife]

It doesn't sound like you will get closure from him. So don't chase after it any longer. You cannot go to a man without arms and ask for a hug. Regardless of what happened with the wedding, it happened, and it is over. Do this for yourself, and you will feel better.

[alison]

It sounds like it has very little to do with what you've said or done. Maybe when you visited, something else in his life was crumbling, and he was lashing out. Who knows. I hope that you find closure. Take care.

[Meenah]

I agree with Jenn , writing a letter is a good way to get your thoughts down clearly. He should pay your mother back! If she cashed in retirement funds to pay for a wedding that is just wrong, she will lose not only the money, but the penalty, and the future earnings that are now lost. I would ask him to pay her back.

[ides]

Tough situation. I would recommend the letter too, but don't expect to get anything back from him. It would help you get closure however. He sounds very controling and manipulating and uncaring. Sorry for being harsh. If he can't acknowlage your feelings he isn't worth the time, in my opinion. He needs to grow up. What he did to you and your mother is unacceptable! Period!