Ooh, he's a Dawkter?!

[MrsC]

I posted this last week but it was deleted with the server change. If I hear one more person go, "Oh, he's a dawkter!" or "Wow, isn't that lovely", when I say what DH does, I'm gonna SCREAM! It annoys me on so many levels. Where do they get these perceptions of what it's like to be a doctors wife? I try not to mention what he does but it's difficult.

What annoys me more is when DH plays up to it, or when he uses it, which isn't very often. He considers himself a man of "status" and likes to make it known if things don't go his way. Should docs not be treated like everyone else? Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud of him and he has worked very hard to get where he is but it is irritating.

Does anyone else have this problem?

Sorry, had to vent!!

oh sure. search the archives and you will find many, many vents on this. the first Dawkter's Wife article I wrote for MDFamily is on the topic, too.

My dh doesn't really throw around his 'title' to get things / special treatment, but I do know lots who do. My favorite is a friend who's dh is a podiatrist, but makes sure that EVERYTHING -- bills, etc. come to "Dr. E ...." , their return address labels say "Doctor" etc. Even his email address is spelled out 'DoctorEspe.....@yahoo.com". That drives my dh nuts. He always says "The guy isn't even a doctor of the whole body -- just the FOOT!" (there is some tension there). My dh does have an email address w/MD at the end, but he only uses it for professional stuff. Otherwise it's just his name.

I don't think doctors should get special treatment. I think their spouses should!

[KCwife]

I "hate" that Dr. "insert last name" crap too.... it is usually a podiatrist, chiropractor, or dentist that does it! (I am not saying that they are not a "Dr" degree-wise), but come-on...are you really THAT insecure. I find that MD/DO's are less likely to do this.

That said, a position of "status"---- that is NOT very altruistic. So, no they should not get special treatment in society. Respect for their profession and education, sure. But not because of a "status".

[alison]

Dh doesn't throw around his title. He doesn't include it in his signature either. There are some in his dept. who sign their names unintelligibly in chickenshit and then add on M.D. in perfectly formed letters.

I think the only place dh has his title is on our checks. It was right after he graduated and I think I was hoping for some more perks from the bank or something.

When/if I get my PhD I doubt that I'll flaunt it. Or maybe just on a few things?

[KCwife]

Dh doesn't throw around his title. He doesn't include it in his signature either. There are some in his dept. who sign their names unintelligibly in chickenshit and then add on M.D. in perfectly formed letters.

Really? This is the one place where I think it matters... DH's lab coats say "Dear Husband, M.D." etc....
He also has to have it on orders he writes, etc...

[KCwife]

their return address labels say "Doctor" etc.

Dr. Stinky Feet
2204 Bunion Blvd.
Dawkterville, USA

:>

[alison]

Nope. He doesn't add the MD to his signature. For notes, I think he does (when he's plugging his name into the computer), but otherwise, nope. Not even for prescriptions when he was doing floors.

[MrsC]

Yeah, I mean he doesn't write MD or Dr on anything either, he wouldn't do that, but he has tried to use it to get out of a speeding ticket etc. I guess it's still a novelty right now. For the amount of people who fawn all over him because he's an MD, an equal amount treat him worse because of it. I think people's perceptions have a lot to do with it. To me it's just a job like any other.

The amount of people who have treated me differently when they hear I'm a doctors wife is unreal. It like they automatically think that you think you're better than them. It's very offensive.

The only time I get really annoyed is when they seem to think "luck" had anything to do with it.

I don't think many people understand the time and effort involved. Like it is just any career you pick out. It gets old.

I too get tired of all the "dawkter's wife" crap. I don't ever tell anyone. If they do know, they have no idea what a resident is or where it falls in the whole time line.
He doesn't write MD on anything unless it is legally required but there are people he works with that put it EVERYWHERE!

[Laker]

DW doesn't tell anyone about her M.D. I try not to discuss it, but people always ask what she does... then I hear the "Oh, a lawyer and a dawter"...or "power couple". I am like

Anyway, as far as titles... Here in FL, they put ",Esq" after my name on all my legal stuff at work... It is annoying. Where I am from, MI, they don't really do that as much...sort of pompous, but here in FL it is the way it is. I am still getting used to it.

Sorry for the hijack...

If you need us to change your username to Laker, Esq, just let me know.

[Vishenka69]

I guess that the beauty of living in NY, where ever 3rd person is a doctor (or lawyer or banker), but I never had to deal with "dawkter" comments. If anything, people sympathize with the lifestyle. I think part of why DH wants to move is to have others fawn over his dawkterness.

[SuzySunshine]

I think because of where we live I don't have to deal with it that much either. DH's employer is THE reason this town exists so everyone just assumes that most people are either doctors or work there - plus I guess since most of my friends are dawkter's wives it's not as big of a deal. It does come up at work every once in a while but they're usually joking.

Dh doesn't bring it up if we are with a group of non-medical people that don't know what he does because then they start asking advice and he hates that.

[MissCrabette]

People who don't know us very well always refer to my fiance as THE doctor. That's invariably the first thing they remember about him. Their next reaction is usually to comment on how nice it must be to be engaged to a future doctor. I'm not too bothered by it because just as they remember my fiance as the doctor, I remember them as the aunt and uncle of a college friend for example. I guess I don't notice anything else because the conversation tends to focus on how he's out of the country for the next three years

My family on my step dad's side is fairly well educated so it's not a big deal to them. My family on my mom's side, well, let's just say it's only my grandparents and their heart doubles in size every time they get to say that their granddaughter is engaged to a future doctor. It doesn't bother me at all because they used to live in a world in which being a doctor was a huge deal.

Now the people whose attitude does bother me are either friends from Romania or past and current coworkers. They all roll their eyes at me and pat me on the back, telling me what a good catch my fiance is and how I'm set for life and blah blah. I remember a couple of years ago I had the crazy idea of becoming a flight attendant and one of my best friends basically told me that it would not be a socially acceptable job for a doctor's wife. Now, granted I ended up realizing how two awful schedules wouldn't make for a happy family life, but to hell with what's socially acceptable.