Am I being selfish???

So I just finished typing the details of Orthopedic surgery and it brought back the yucky memories of the first 3 years which were horrific.....my SO generally still works approx 70 to 80 hours a week and our baby can go days without seeing him. He is the team doc for the local university hockey team and now wants to do the football team too! It is every Friday night all fall.....he told me that he wouldn't do it if bothered me but I don't feel like I can say for him not to, I feel like it's unfair of me. We usually bring the kids to the hockey games so I don't mind it much, but the football games are too late and too cold.....what would you say? Am I being selfish?

[Flynn]

If you are not honest now -- resentments grow and then it's a much bigger mess to sift through after the fact (him accepting this new responsibility).

Personally I think it's unfair for him to put the decision all on you. Maybe he's really trying to be understanding to your needs -- your email was short so I don't want to sound like he's being a jerk here but c'mon!!!!

"Is this okay?" Like he doesn't know how you have to pick up the slack when he's not around and basically unavailable. As if he doesn't know how hard the first three years were in residency and this might be a step in the WRONG direction. This is a decision you both should make. Tell him how you feel, what your concerns are and then make the decision together.

Choices choices choices.....deep down don't you wish he just said no and did it for you without you having to voice "hey what about me!!!!!"

[Vanquisher]

No, you are not being selfish. You are asking your dh to pony up to his responsibilities at home. It is not unfair of you to ask him to be home on the occasional Friday night.

He doesn't even want to do sports, right?

I would say, "no!" End of story. Then again, I don't think my dh would DARE ask me about another time commitment away from home that he wasn't required to do. I'd kill him.

You are sweeter than I to even consider it, (and to think that you are being selfish?) :disappointed: . No, no, no. Honey, you put in your time, and he can't ask for more.

Remind him that you are willing to do TWO fellowships for him, and ask him if either of those is a SPORTS fellowship, and that you think he ought to be home once in a while.

Or, I could just drive the bus up there...

[rainbabies]

Or, I could just drive the bus up there...

[alison]

How many miles have you put on that bus by now?

[Stella]

Wow, no. Not selfish at all. Friday is date night, family game night, movie night, etc. when he isn't working. He needs to see his baby and you, too.

And hey, he asked, didn't he? :>

I don't think you are being selfish, either, but maybe your husband feels like he is not getting enough "play" time. What if you and your husband compromised, and did an activity together with you/with the kids?

For instance, DH and I are going to start working on a Master Diver license together. Admittedly, he isn't hanging with "the guys", but we are doing a physical activity together that both of us enjoy (and I am the only female in the class- so there are plenty of guys for him to hang around). Could you get a babysitter, and pursue something like this? If a babysitter isn't possible, what about Tae-Kwon-do? I don't know your son's ages, but my Tae-kwon-do classes have always been comprised of mainly families doing it together. Again, this is a physical activity that the whole family can do.

I have to say I don't have kids, so I could be in la-la land about the logistics of pulling off these activities. If some other activity can't be arranged, what about your DH going out after the hockey games with his team members for lunch/dinner and a beer, rather than going home. This way, he can get in his "hangin' with the guys" time, without pursuing another time-consuming activity.

I don't think you are selfish, however. You and your DH need to spend some together, as well.

[houseelf]

I'm such a cynic that my initial response was to say, "Oh, I don't know, is it selfish to choose a career that will suck the lifeblood out of you and your loved ones?" But then I realize that sarcasm and bitterness are not the best tools in negotiating a relationship.

Really think this one through....

Kelly