honesty amongst gal pals

Hi again all!

Need some advice on honesty amongst girlfriends........I have this one friend whom I spoke about in the "I hate thread" and I'm not certain on how to approach the matter.

My gf wants to know why I haven't kept in touch w/ her (stationed overseas with dh). Well, honestly, she annoys me b/c she is ALWAYS bragging about how "fabulous and perfect" everything is in her life (from her husband, child, and everything else). When she was a newlywed, she sent out "newsletters" with pics of her and her "perfect hubby" which she mass produced and sent out on a monthly basis (overkill?).
OF COURSE, I'm very happy for her blessings. However, she seemed very insensitive many times, esp. when I was going thru a crappy time when my dh was deployed to Iraq...she never really seemed too concerned to even ask, "So, how are you doing?" When we do chat she always talks unceasingly about herself. Long ago she even mentioned to me how she's unable to make lasting female friendships b/c they always seem to envy her! :!

At this point, after awhile of not talking to her I sent her a friendly e-mail and she said how surprised she was to hear from me again.....so, she has no idea how I truly feel about her......

Thanks ALL for your replies.......

[SuzySunshine]

Let me just start with I have no experience with this because I'm not good at keeping female friends either (but its not b/c they envy me). Anyway, can you just tell her? Tell her that you are turned off by the fact that she brags about her perfect life non-stop. Its going to do 1 of 2 things - its going to make her realize what she's doing or she is going to get so pissed she won't speak to you again - either way you're better off than you are now. Good luck!

[PrincessFiona]

I agree with Cheri. If it is a friendship that matters to you, could you just say "well, I have thought of you often, but we were having a difficult time " and see if she asks.

Sadly, sometimes we just outgrow friendships. Maybe as her relationship matures and she goes through some life changes your paths will cross again......

kris

[MissCrabette]

I agree with Annie. If this is a relationship you'd like to maintain, then by all means tell her how you feel because it could improve your relationship in the end. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother opening up if you don't expect to have a meaningful relationship with her in the future. It's just not worth opening such a can of worms.

People drift apart and end up making new friendships and there's no sense in holding on to every single friendship you ever had just because you feel like you have to. People change and so do your feelings towards them. I know that for the longest time I referred to a friend as "my best friend" when in reality she'd stopped being my best friend a long time ago.

Thank you gals for your replies.......

YES, the whole guilt thing is definitely in my character make-up so perhaps I just didn't want to seem like a meanie. I certainly agree that we do outgrow our friendships and this is a part of life....I guess "break ups" do happen amongst gal pals too, huh?

I consider my hubby my best pal, but sometimes it would be nice to have a good gal pal too, ya know? Oh wait, I have this forum and you ladies!!!!

Anyhow, thanks again! :chat:

I had a girlfriend who I started avoiding because she would talk on and on about herself and I never got a chance to interject or share what was going on in my life. Then one day, I decided to just confront her about it and admit I was avoiding her phone calls because I didn't feel like spending an hour listening to her. She apologized and said she sometimes ends up babbling to fill any awkward silent moments. She told me it's perfectly fine to interrupt her and move the conversation to another subject. I was kind of surprised because I don't interrupt people, but I tried it later on and it worked. And she realized how broken our friendship was and going forward has made a huge effort to ask how I'm doing and listen to me when I need to talk. In fact, she asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding next year. So I agree with the above posts - if you want to save the friendship, be honest with her and confront her. If she reacts negatively and accuses you of envy, then you know the friendship is over because she doesn't see the world from anyone elses' point of view. Good luck!

[planet]

Yeah, I'd think it depends on whether you want to continue the friendship. If it isn't someone who you want as a friend it isn't worth the effort to confront.