? for you married to other cultures/languages

[DCJenn]

In short, those of you who are married to people who speak another language than your native language- do you speak your spouses language? Did you when you met or did survival of the fittest kick in and you needed to know what the in-laws were saying?

Do you kids (if you have them) speak one or more languages? If you have kids ar you planning to teach them dad/moms native language?

Nikolai still speaks some Russian and is now picking up some Spanish so we're debating whether we should try to keep up the Russian (i.e. find a Russian speaker since there are no formal kiddo Russian classes).

I think it's such an opportunity to learn to speak another language, especially if it's relatively pain-free.'

It's really funny to hear him ask for agua and then say nyet.

Jenn

[alison]

Re: ? for you married to other cultures/languages

I speak dh's language. His English was really really bad and I was fluent in German by then. Dh wanted to practice his English when we met, so we would speak only in English, and if he stumbled over a word, I'd help him. It was SO frustrating because I'd just want to shake the sentences out of him or speak in German. If he didn't understand me, I'd just say the German version really fast and... get reprimanded for speaking in German. He was very persistent!

We don't have kids yet, but when we do, we want them to speak German. Absolutely. One of my research concentrations is second language acquisition (so this had better work, gosh darnit)! This is going to take dh and me conversing solely in German. Dh to the kid(s) in German. And me to the kids in German when dh is present. The language in the home will be German. I know of so many families (like ours will be) here where they aren't consistent and the German dad will speak a mix of English and German and the mom will speak mostly English.

I spoke only Japanese with my grandmother while I was growing up. She lived next door to us and I spent summers and everyday after school with her. There has to be consistency and you have to keep at it.

Dh and I had been lamenting about how we only speak in English to each other, when we've got to start at some poitn to make the switch. We made a conscious effort while dh's mother was here to speak in German and now, 3 weeks after her departure, we only speak German at home. We're going to make this work!

I think it's great that Nikolai is exposed to a bunch of languages. Don't despair when he confuses languages; it'll all sort itself out in a couple of years. There's tons of research on language acquisition to prove this.

DH barely speaks Gujarati - he understands it, but cannot formulate a sentance beyond the standard things like "Pass me a spoon." I also know the commands, and understand enough that I can usually catch the gist of a conversation, or better yet, catch them when they're talking about me.

As for the kids speaking it - the only stuff they've learned, they've learned from me. I used to encourage the IL's to teach them, but they didn't. Probably would have if I'd banned it or something.

[Malpka]

DH is Polish (moved here when he wa 13), and I understand 10 or 20 phrases tops. When we were engaged I was just sure I was going to learn the language, and got all sorts of books and a computer program. Blech. Too hard for a Southerner who is used to slurring the second half of every word. I think the main rule for Polish is why use a vowel when 6 or 7 contsanants will do. I am thinking of taking a Polish class at the U -maybe that would be more motivating.

We really wanted our kids to be fluent in Polish. We thought DH would speak to them in Polish exclusively. This worked OK for a while with the first, but it became too akward for DH to speak Polish to our son in front of me, when he wanted me to understand as well. Then we just got more and more slack. As a result, DS is defintely not fluent- but defintely understands and can speak more than I can. DD has just turned two, but I really don't hear her say any Polish words besides Babcia and Dzja Dzja.

Since we moved after med school, we have really had no other Polish friends, and that has made it hard to keep up the practice with the kids. In a twist of fate, the guy who matched here for fellowship next year is Polish - as is his wife. They have a daughter in between the ages of my two kids who only speaks Polish. I hope we can spend time with their family, and maybe some more of the language will rub off on our kids.

[Vishenka69]

Jenn, are there many Russians in San Antonio? I'd think if there were at least 20, they'd have a Russian food store by now. We're both fluent in Russian but only use it when talking to our parents/grandparents. At home and with other Russian friends we mostly speak English. Many of of our friends though are making a concious effort to speak Russian once they have kids, but it's hard. Right now we're practicing on our cat (which everyone thinks is hysterical).

There is a German immersion school in NY, in White Plains.

DH is Italian but he speaks English. When I first moved to Italy, and when we started dating, we would speak English bc I did not speak Italian. When I decided to stay here and get a job, DH decided I had to learn Italian (he was right) and would only speak to me in Italian. 8 years later, we now only speak in Italian and his English is really rusty.

We decided to stay in Italy so our future kids will be learning English from me. We will more than likely send them to international schools where they will be taught in English as they will learn Italian just from the sheer fact that they will live here and their dad will speak to them in Italian. Also, the ILs don't speak any English, nor do my parents speak Italian, so the kids have no choice but to learn both languages fluently.

As we live in Europe, they will be required to study a third language as well as English is not considered a second language here, so much as a business necessity nowadays.

[Momo]

In short, those of you who are married to people who speak another language than your native language- do you speak your spouses language? Did you when you met or did survival of the fittest kick in and you needed to know what the in-laws were saying?

Do your kids (if you have them) speak one or more languages? If you have kids ar you planning to teach them dad/moms native language?

Well even though I have studied Arabic, I am not that great at it.
DH & I speak ENGLISH exclusively in the home much to my dismay. I have told him about & shown him the studies that show that if he would exclusively speak Arabic in the house then they kids could be fluent in it by now...he prefers to speak English as it really sharpens his language skills. He is frequently told by peers (American & other Arabs) that his English language skills are surprisingly strong...guess it helps that he didn't clip this "Chatty Cathy's string" after meeting me!

As far as the in laws I remember enough to speak broken Arabic to them and I understand waaaaayyyy more than they know I do! The kids pick it up pretty quickly when MIL & FIL are around. The kids will get Arabic language classes either in school or from a weekend program.

had to edit, accidentally put Arabic instead of English as our house language.

I used to work for Lebanese guys when I was in high school. They taught me fun Arabic things to say like:

"give me a kiss" and "sweetheart"

I miss those guys ...

[Momo]

Boussay minfadluck ...habeebitee

were these the phrases Jen??!! LOL

Re: ? for you married to other cultures/languages

In short, those of you who are married to people who speak another language than your native language- do you speak your spouses language? Did you when you met or did survival of the fittest kick in and you needed to know what the in-laws were saying?

Do you kids (if you have them) speak one or more languages? If you have kids ar you planning to teach them dad/moms native language?

I think it's such an opportunity to learn to speak another language, especially if it's relatively pain-free.

My DH is Turkish and I am currently enrolled in a class and using the Rosetta Stone language software at home. I decided that if we got married, I would learn. We've traveled to Turkey twice and I hope to spend more time there in the future. DH's parents speak decent English because they live in the US during the winter or about 3-6 months out of the year. Winters in Arizona, summers on the Aegean. What a life!
I insist on our future children being bilingual, at a minimum. I would like to add Spanish to the mix when they are young as well. When they are teenagers, they can pick a forth language if they so desire.
DH is so used to speaking English that I fear he will struggle with this. His American english is pretty much perfect with very little accent. He doesn't really see the need for me to learn Turkish but I am doing it anyway.
I agree, that it's a great opportunity especially if done at home.
At one time, I spoke fluent Danish and I have formally studied Spanish, Danish and German but I've pretty much lost most of them which makes me sad. I wish I had worked harder to maintain them.

Boussay minfadluck ...habeebitee

were these the phrase Jen??!! LOL

Phonetically of course -- very similar to what you wrote:

A teeney bouse-ea (Sounded like a Teeny Mouse-A w/a B) was "Give me a kiss" and Habeebee was Sweetheart.

[Momo]

Habeebitee for a girl & habeebee for a guy.

a teaneey booosay minfadluck =give me a kiss please (when speaking to a male) it is what we say to DS @ bedtime.

For the girls girl the please part changes to minfadlak .

This formally concludes my Arabic lesson for the day! Thanks Jen

Ahhh ... that explains the difference - they did not feel the need to say "please".

I had to ask several people how to say "please" and "thank you" in Gujarati - the 1st three I asked did not know. It's just not used.

My FIL taught me how to say "How are you?" and the answer "Good". I asked what I say if I'm not good, and he said - "You answer good. No one cares about the answer anyway."

[Stella]

My FIL taught me how to say "How are you?" and the answer "Good". I asked what I say if I'm not good, and he said - "You answer good. No one cares about the answer anyway."

I think this is true in most languages.