Career and Family

[houseelf]

Kris,



I'm happy to hear that you feel like you have made the right decision. I can tell you that this household talks about the delicate balance between career and family all the time.



Currently, we are at a "hard core" academic surgery residency with plans to complete one of the most difficult surgical fellowships in yet another state. (There is no peds. surgery fellowship here.) Did I mention that my dh plans to earn his Ph.D as well? Sometimes I want to say, umm, hello, get a grip!



Seriously, we have reoccuring conversations about his professional goals. I want to encourage him to live his dreams but I also don't want him to wake up one day and realize that those dreams were hollow and unfulfilling. As a couple, we sacrificed my career somewhat so that he could advance in his field. Part of us feels that we shouldn't compromise both careers or this sacrifice would be somewhat of a wash.



With this being said, I can tell you that in year 2 of a 5 year residency, he is already burned out and regrets that he is missing so much time with his family. Unlike last year, I don't have to advocate for his participation in family time because he is pretty despondent about what he has given up. It will be interesting to see where this journey takes us and how we evolve. Maybe we will end up in private practice rather than academic medicine after all.



Kelly

my career has definitely taken a backseat - possibly because i don't exactly know what my career is! no, i'm kidding - but where we are right now is certainly not a hot spot for the media industry. i'm OK with that - as long as every other city we live in is! kelly - i could only think while reading your post: are surgeons just crazy or what? do they thrive on making their lives as difficult as possible? in year 3 out of 5, i hear frequent complaints that we never have enough time together -my hope is the same as yours - i just hope that he doesn't regret it someday. we'll keep chuggin' allong!

Robin's thread has brought up an interesting issue...and I wonder if any of you have thoughts on this: How many of your spouses have made choices about residency or career based on family?



I know that Thomas had always planned a career in academic medicine and had done everything necessary to make that a reality...When we began applying for jobs, this one was actually at the bottom of the list because of his perception that it lacked a "prestige" about it...small community, etc, etc...He interviewed with several more "prestigious" programs and practices and then we began looking over his offers...the other positions would have required him to work similar hours to that of residency, and the academic positions starting salaries were 40% less than what he is earning now. This job is also one of the lesser paid positions that we looked at ...but at the end of the day, we kept coming back to it...great schools for the kids (no need to send them to private schools), community, safety, and less hours away from home.



Just this weekend Thomas was talking about how he really misses teaching...during fellowship he taught a med school micro class and gave ID conferences every Thursday...he was talking about moving to a University program and then said "I just can't imagine going back to that lifestyle though. I finally have time for my family". I think that this decision is really working for us.



Kris

[DCJenn]

Well, we're halfway through the peds residency- or almost anyway and all of the 'after' questions are still up in the air. Fellowship? Which one? Apply immediately or go out as a general pediatrician for a year or two? Does the military have the fellowship in question? If not, what civilian areas do? Is he going to be activated after residency anyway?



Heck- don't know and really, really don't care- I figure he needs to make these decisions,- I'm not the one that has to put on that uniform everyday and go to work. I've told him that I'll support whatever decision he makes (or is made for him) and that I'll go anywhere. Life is an adventure so we might as well enjoy the ride!



The one thing that I have decided is that should he be sent somewhere due to this upcoming conflict- I will sell the house here and head home. No need to hang out somewhere that has no support structure. Besides, I hate my job.



Other than that- the big debate is the kid thing. Yes or no. I'm getting too old to debate this issue much longer!



Jenn

My vote is yes on the children!!!



Regarding fellowship now or after a couple of years...most of the people that we met who were on the fence on this one found that they couldn't go back to fellowship after being out a couple of years...they'd bought a house, etc..and couldn't stomach the thought of going back to calls, the stress and the salaries...although one of our friends tried to get a cardiology residency after he had been out three years. He'd been competitive during residency but he didn't get a cards slot in the end....:/



Kris

[DCJenn]

Kris-



The sticking point is that the military fellowships are based on a point system and those who have been out doing their GMO (General Medical Officer) accumulate more points and are therefore going to be accepted before someone who hasn't. That's the problem- he wants to get to work- but doesn't want to be a general pediatrician. So- everything remains up in the air!



UGH-



Jenn

Throw planning out the window and just go for it





Kris