unbiased opinions welcome! :)

hey everyone - i'm really homesick today. i know, i know - this is my home but it doesn't feel like it. if i could just move us back "home" then it seems as if life would be as perfect as it could possibly be. i miss my parents and my sister and my friends so bad today - it seems as if everything i do today provokes an image of home. this might be due to the fact that i am *finally* unpacking my boxes (almost 2 months later!) but the thought crossed my mind - hmmm, maybe i shouldn't unpack because we'll be outta here in 2.5 years! i even like to say 2 years because i think we'll be so busy interviewing and looking for a house and packing up at the .5 mark! all day long i've been thinking gosh, it would be so nice to go shopping and eat lunch with my mom today! and i can't my problem is definitely not helped by the fact that i have no job right now and my hub just started Q3 again after having home call during september. soooo, the question that seeks unbiased answers is: how often do you think is a good amount to visit my family and friends? i wish they were within driving distance but unfortunately they aren't. i have to figure out what i'm making for dinner now that should definitely take my mind off things....

Claudia-



I've been going through a lot of what you are describing. We've been here in Michigan for about 7 weeks. We are at best an hour away from some friends of ours, at worst something like 1200 miles from home. If it's any consolation, I still have unpacked boxes as well! I've done that same "why bother" thinking. Why bother unpacking, why bother making friends (when you know you'll just leave them), blah blah, blah. You understand, I'm sure.

My solution? Not always a good one. Unfortunately, my inclination is to bottle it up, then inadverdently take it out on my husband. So, we have deep conversations about it, and I work hard at building a life outside of us. I'm working, which does help for now, but I'm doing home health & will be on my own most of the time, I'm taking clases at the local university, I'm going to church, and I'm trying to find time to volunteer at the art museum here. I have a really hard time adjusting to all this "new" around me. Mostly, I've just made a decision that I'm not going to hate this period of my life, nor am I going to wish it away. Easier said than done, but worth it retrospectively.



So how often is a good amount to visit family? As often as you can afford, but don't rely solely on that for your support. Build a life there- there's something wonderful about a friend you can meet for coffee at the last minute. Don't forget the value of that.



Hope that's at least a little helpful!

Wendy

I can really relate to both of you...We've been here since July, and now that the newness has worn off and the kids are in school, I have fallen into a slump as well. It really started getting to me when the WTC tragedy happened...when I realized that I really have no one to talk to. I'm home alone with the kids all day and my schedule revolves around when the school buses are arriving. I'm not complaining about that because it is what I want, but I'm so lonely....for awhile, I was coping by being online a lot..but I only felt more isolated from things here...though I enjoy everyone here immensely .



Our neighbor, who is really a social butterfly and SAHM has different friends over every day...all day long people are driving in and out of her driveway...I have tried to invite her over, but have gotten the "well, maybe..." response...and I've done things like bring over some fresh-baked bread, etc...but she doesn't seem to be too receptive right now (which I'm sort of taking personally )



I'm pretty shy in "real life" and in my opinion, I'm very socially akward, so it takes a long time for me to feel comfortable in new social situations.... I do get out more now to take the kids to their gymnastics/ballet classes, but for me, and I know this is different than what you guys are going through?...I just feel a strong sense of not fitting in. Thomas and I were talking about this yesterday and I chewed my moms ear of for a couple of hours last night...I really don't know where I fit in anymore....I do think part of this is a function of moving and not having a niche....though when I was in Fl I also had the feeling because I wasn't a full-time SAHM and I was an "older" student on campus....



We all went to church last Sunday, which was unusual. It's been years since we've all gone...It was weird and Thomas didn't like the church...but is willing to try a Catholic church (I'm protestant, he's catholic)...I don't really mind where we go...I think it's good for us and the kids to give church a try again...but I don't even really know where I'm at with all of that either....



Wendy, I tend to bottle it up for a long time too, and I still wouldn't have said anything if Claudia hadn't posted because I would have been afraid of what you all thought of me....I also end up taking it out on Thomas, or ranting wildly about politics , but for the most part, I end up feeling depressed.



For us right now, visiting family in TX isn't a viable option...I just dont' have the money for myself and the three kids...and my mom doesn't have vacation days left. I spoke with my dad at length about him visiting, but he just doesn't have the time or inclination right now, which I have to accept...



I guess that the only thing that I have to draw on is my experience with moving so much in my life (military brat!)....It always takes a year to adjust to the change of moving and to begin establishing yourself in a new community...It's normal to feel depressed or sad and to struggle for awhile...If we didn't, then there would be something wrong....



When we moved back to the US for residency here, I was truly and utterly miserable for the first year.....I think a black cloud followed me everywhere I went...and if it didn't follow me one day, I went back and got it and hung right back up above me...I was truly unhappy...I vowed to leave PA asap and to never look back....by year 3, I loved our small community, had begun establishing myself by getting involved in fundraisers for the red cross, etc, etc....I had done my post-bach in biology and worked part-time in the chemistry dept. where I had some nice contacts and friends...and I cried buckets when we moved. I insisted that Thomas interview in PA and we actually almost went back to the same town....



There is hope for all of us...it will get better...it really will. Unpack the boxes and hang up the pictures



kris

[DCJenn]

I get homesick every now and again- Literally everyone important to me with the exception of my husband is in the DC area. I really felt it when the whole 9/11 thing happened. First- just because I wanted to be with "my people", second- because my east coast liberalism just doesn't blend well here, and third- because if my husband is sent somewhere, I don't want to be here in Texas- I want to be home! I'm not really a 'joiner' but my husband is a recluse so I decided that I had to be the one to get out there and meet people. Also, we got very lucky in that his class is full of really fun people. I joined a yoga class and I have been doing this training for the Arthritis Foundation marathon which have allowed me to meet people. I think it's important to be able to entertain youself well, too. Our relationship was a long distance one for most of the time, so that forced me to be independent.



Oh well,



Jenn