Hello MEN

Looks like nobody's home here!! I am a stay at home dad (5.5 years) with a 7.75 year old daughter. I am home schooling my daughter. My wife is an RN with 18 years on the midnight shift. She stays at the hospital 3 nights a week between 16 hour shifts, so my daughter and I get lots of "alone" time. I have the responsibility of the house/food /cars/finances/ 282 acres of farm/cattle/chickens/dogs/cats/chinchillas/bird and anything else that comes up. HER job is to go to work and bring home the $$$. When she comes home, I put her in bed and wake her up for dinner.
Once you get the hang of things, to the extent that the significant other approves, life can be easy. Take control of everything, to enable your wife to concentrate on HER CAREER!! Her hours are going to be long, so find some way to AMUSE yourself. Ask her what things she would like YOU to accomplish . . . there's no point killing yourself over something if SHE doesn't care one way or another. What's important to HER, MUST be important to you!! Don't try to convince her it isn't important . . . THAT ISN'T SUPPORTIVE!!! Just do it. and get it behind you. Keep a list of lots of things she want you to do. Any WEEK is a good week if you get AT LEAST ONE thing on the list done.
Learn to cook!!! If she comes home to dinner on the table (NOT out of a can), a hot bath with bubbles and a bed with the electric blanket already on, she'll remember that LIFE IS GOOD. At this point, isn't that what we are all hoping for?!! BE SUPPORTIVE OF HER CHOICES, remember, you are one of them . . . .for now . . . . Have a good weekend. Xz

I think Xzyloz's point about cooking is totally money! I can't tell you how much my wife appreciates it when I cook her good "real" food. It really isn't too hard, and it is worth the investment in time to learn, if you don't know already.

My wife is a fourth year med student. Things are a lot less hectic as in years 1-2. This is the calm before the storm because in less than a year we'll be starting her residency. I know that is going to be bad because all the residents say so... like one time I took my wife some dinner and I asked the on call resident how things were going... his response was "it sucks". I think that pretty much sums it up.

I think I am going to invest in a heating blanket this week. Good call!

[fluffhead]

residency

I'm a SAHD, and my wife is a resident. No amount of warning could have prepared me for this - she works way harder than third year of med school (which I thought was tough), and gets it from all sides at the hospital.

I guess the good thing is that she appreciates any little effort like cooking dinner when I can get to it.

Enjoy life while you can.

Wow, that isn't very reassuring! I mean, is it really that bad? Please elaborate...

[fluffhead]

SAHD

Sometimes I think internship is meant to be a punishment from doctors for the pain they had to go through, and inflicting pain on younger physicians gives them some pleasure.
The year is so taxing on the doctor parent, that it really takes a toll on the entire family. Coming home from a rough call, waking up at ungodly hours every day, missing important milestones in the infants life, and especially enduring critical comments from family and coworkers about her not being at home all the time, will make your spouse a pretty fragile case.
Just be prepared for an intense year.

"An Intense Year"

Hello Fellas,
Rest assured that it won't be for just a year!! My wife missed my daughters':

First Steps (Christmas Eve)
First Words (DaDa)
First Stitches (7 in the chin)
First tooth in
First Tooth out (as well as second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth)
All Tooth Fairy visits
Multiple Santa Visits
and my daughter is only 7.75 years old.

While I cherish my time with my daughter, my wife sincerely feels that she has missed lots of her childhood. I home school 3-5 hours a day, and I make sure that my wife puts in a couple doing arts and crafts, music, etc when she can work it into her schedule.
As a SAHD, it's your job to keep your stressed partner as involved as possible WITHOUT making her feel guilty. She should be responsible for NOTHING at home!!! The sooner you can convince her of this, the better. If she can fit some things into her schedule, fine, but don't expect it, and don't insist on it.
If the biggest problem is getting out with the "boys", life is good!! I got my 3 days off by myself for this year . . . . so I'm back on the hook.
Make realistic goals with input from your spouse. Try and get a couple accomplished as time allows (especially HERS!!) I classify myself as a
SPOUSAL SUPPORT UNIT . . . I am here to make her life easier, whatever it takes. Hang in there, but don't think it's going to get WAY better anytime soon. Xz

Xzyloz- sorry to hear about all of the missed times. What you said about keeping "your stressed partner as involved as possible WITHOUT making her feel guilty" is right on. I realized really quickly that the guilt factor is a tremendous issue for my wife. She can't enjoy what time she has off if all she can think about is how much other stuff she has missed. You have to communicate to your wife that you are there to support her. If she knows that you are doing this because you love her, and there are no strings attached, it makes things a lot easier.

I too find it important to get out with the "boys", even though I don't have a child to take care of. My ultimate dream is to have a friend who would help me rebuild a hot rod or muscle car during the day while we watch our kids (our kids would be in a playpin in the garage I guess). That would be awesome!!

Wow, your wives are VERY lucky to have you guys as husbands. My husband will be staying home full-time with our 6-month-old starting in January while I finish med school (I'm currently a 2nd year.) He currently stays home 3 days a week while I go to class, plus has the baby on weekends while I study. He's doing a fantastic job, but of course he gets a break 2 days a week to go to work. Unfortunately, that won't be possible anymore next semester, so I'm very worried about how he will feel about not having an income or job outside the house. Also about how he will react to people's comments who think that's weird or whatever. How do you guys handle it?
As for the wives' guilt issue, I can relate to that. However, I find that it helps me IMMENSELY to know that my husband and my son have such a close relationship. Even if I can't be there for all of my son's milestones, his father WILL. My husband loves our son as much as I do and it means so much to me that he is willing to take on the primary responsibility of raising him while he's little. Guys, I'm betting your wives appreciate you more than you may ever realize.

Hello Mommd

Thank you for your comments. Being a part-time SAHD for this period will certainly help your husband through the full-time transition. No job outside the house . . . put him in charge of the "inside the house" now. Even if you are there, let him do all the cleaning, laundry, dishes, cooking, kid stuff, so he actually knows what "full-time" will involve. If you are doing all these things now when you are home, he will expect you to continue to do them. This will also let yo know if he knows how to do all these things( especially laundry and cooking). If he doesn't, teach him.
Start making extra meals and freezing them to take with you. Eating out is way to expensive, and if you will be losing an income, get ready!! This also gets him involved in your daily life, even if he's not with you. When my wife throws a Smoked Turkey/baked potato/vegetable meal in the micro at work, everybody wants to know what's for dinner. They are all going to McDs or the cafeteria where the food isn't as good as she gets from home. Cheaper too. That's HIS job.
As for comments, I just say that I am a SAHD in support of my wife's chosen profession. It shows that he is intelligent and could be working elsewhere if he chose without getting into details. Also, your son will become a "mini-me" version of Dad!!! If your son grows up smart, with excellent manners, learns to read quickly, and deals with people of all ages well . . . . it will certainly show that Dad has done his job. A great REFLECTION on his time and effort in support of YOU!!!
Best of luck to you both. We are here if he has any questions. Xz

[fluffhead]

Challenges

While I believe everybody cares to some extent what other people are thinking of them, some people care less than others.
The prevailing attitudes toward SAHDs run the gamut, but there's definitely some negative undertones in some of my day to day encounters.
I guess my point is that if you're somebody who cares alot about what other people think, you're gonna have a pretty tough time as a SAHD.
So for couples considering this route, remember not to let the turkeys get you down

Re: Challenges

This is exactly what I worry about. Can you give some examples of what kind of stuff you've heard from people? I just want to prepare my husband for what he's in store for. We live in a small town in the South- not exactly a place full of progressive-thinking people. I just do NOT understand why people would have a problem with the guy staying home? If you don't want to stay home with your kids, fine- but don't go passing judgment on the guys who are willing to make this sacrifice for their kids. I guess we'll have to learn to retort with some equally derisive comment, like "We don't believe in dumping our baby off with paid strangers 40 hours a week just so dad can earn more money."

While I believe everybody cares to some extent what other people are thinking of them, some people care less than others.
The prevailing attitudes toward SAHDs run the gamut, but there's definitely some negative undertones in some of my day to day encounters.
I guess my point is that if you're somebody who cares alot about what other people think, you're gonna have a pretty tough time as a SAHD.
So for couples considering this route, remember not to let the turkeys get you down

I just wanted to write in and tell you guys that I am so happy to hear this sort of attitude ... I feel the same way, though I am a stay at home wife (not a mom).

I take my responsibility of taking care of things at home very seriously and I chose to stay home (engineer in my former life). DH is repeatedly told by his fellow residents (male and female alike) how "lucky" he is to have a wife like me. Of course he already knew this and told me anyway, and I don't care what other people say ... but boy, when his eyes light up because of a hot dinner and fresh sheets on the bed ... life is good .

And I couldn't agree more with the statement about doing what your spouse "thinks is important" and not wasting time on other things ... I can spend time alphabetizing my spice rack and shining the facets and he couldn't care less, but boy if I get new software loaded on his Palm Pilot he is super happy

Thanks for boosting my spirits ...

Aisha

[PrincessFiona]

sahds

mommd,

I think it's time to send hubby this way

kris

I have to commend any one, man or woman, who would willingly stay at home with children. I feel that all parties involved gain so much from the experience. GOOD FOR YOU!
I am, however, a two job holding, married man to a woman who is 9 months short of entering Med School. My questions, concerns and the like will be and are geared more to staying a part of each other's lives.
What are some ideas for the future that will keep the home fires burning?
Are there any thoughts on GREAT 1,2,3 day get-aways that will bring us both back together after this process keeps us apart for weeks and or months at a time?
I am a VERY patient person. I am also open minded to many ideas. Most importantly, I want to make this the easiest time for her as she will not need any issues at home. She will have enough in school and in her res.
So, any ideas will be helpful!
Thanks!
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