Big Mouthed Donations of Unsolicited Advice

[fluffhead]

I think, but I'm not sure, that Dads get this more than Moms.
Yesterday I brought my baby to the hospital to visit mom who was on call, and I got comments from the nurses of "you take her out when it's so cold?"
Then I got back home, and got comments from a female resident who lives in the building about my putting the baby on a tricycle which would hurt her neck. (mind you this resident has no children). This same resident later chided me for playing with the baby with other kids in the building in a manner she deemed unsafe. She said "I'm gonna tell her mommy!" (her mommy would sock the lady in the mouth)

Anyway, I get alot of this - women assuming I don't know what I'm doing. It drives me up the wall. Sometimes I'm nasty, but usually I just smile and ignore them. I know moms get this too, but is it that I'm more sensitive, or do dads get it more?

[PrincessFiona]

donations

I hear your pain....I would have to disagree that this has anything to do with your being a sahd I have had complete strangers come up to me and ask me why my baby wasn't wearing a newborn hat (we were in a heated apartment and he had a full set of hair on his head!)....the tip of the iceberg for me though was when my first child was born. We were living in Germany and they have very different ideas about raising children. Children are only to be laid flat on their backs...not set in an upright position in any way, shape or form until they can sit on their own..... My friends actually chipped in and bought me a parenting book and sat me down to talk about my son's possible need for hip surgery later in life because I used to rest him in a sitting position on my knee while we talked and I put the stroller in the half-upright position when he was a newborn....

Non-parents are the best advice givers though One of our friends here is often giving unsolicited parenting advice. She doesn't have children yet....so now I just chuckle when she says anything and tell her "your day will come!" I remember my before kids days when I thought I knew it all too...boy was I WRONG!

Sorry to chime in in your forum...I just couldn't resist such a great topic!

Kris

I hear you, but it seems that I always get it...."It must be your day to spend with the kids"...I realize that first glance is that yoru are a working parent and taking time off for your kids. But it tends to blow minds when you tell them that you are a SAHD. Then they will start back-pedaling and tell what a good thing that is.
As far as people give you a fit for what they feel is good for your kid, you are probably doing yourself a favor by just ignoring them. There are many other things that could be worried about besides that. You are married to Dr for crying out loud! You know what is good for your children andyou know that spending time with their mother is important for them as well as Mom.
Anyway, to repsond, yes I think that Dad will get the free suggestions since it is generally a mom who is caring for the children.
Water off a ducks back, don't let it bother you, I try not to.

[fluffhead]

but it seems that I always get it...."It must be your day to spend with the kids"...

grrrrr I HATE THAT! People saying I'm babysitting. what's up with that?
I can take advice from old people more - even if I ignore it, somehow it doesn't bother me. There's one older woman who's always telling me to do something differently - sometimes I cross the street to avoid her
But when anybody under 60 starts doing it, watch out!

[PrincessFiona]

discrimination

YOu know it's funny...we women are always complaining about wanting the dads to be more involved in childcare, etc....but it IS hard to let go and let them take charge when they do step up to the plate MY husband read this thread last night and told me that I even ask him to 'babysit' the kids if I need to go somewhere 8O I didn't realize that I was doing that...I will need to rethink my choice of words from now on!!!

thanks for the heads up...

Kris

[SueC]

I can't stand it when people feel the need to advise you on how to raise your own kids. I used to babysit a little boy and one of his moms would always come and feel my baby's hands and comment on how cold she was--I guess implying that I wasn't dressing her properly. It used to drive me crazy. Then this woman would proceed to load her kid into the front seat not in a carseat and drive him home (he wasn't even 2 yet!). I could go on and on about this topic, but I won't bore you guys! I can't comment on whether it happens to dads more than moms, but I can kind of see why it might. If you turn the TV on, the shows have the dads look like complete goofballs when they are trying to take care of their kids. Anyhow, I guess my advice is just to ignore it, although I'm sure it would be much more fun to think of some clever response to put these people in their place!

Amazing!

Fluffhead
Just two thoughts for you as SAHD's have been around for quite a while.
1. Isn't it amazing how well their kids turned out no matter how horribly the dads took care of them!
2. To REALLY bug them (if your child is a boy) tell the advisor that you are teaching him to own his own Hooters one day. Tell them that raising a little girl in adverse conditions will strengthen the female sex in for the future. (If it is a girl) Sorry. I hate unsolicited advice. BUT WAIT! Here I am giving it. Scratch this post!

[fluffhead]

In the library with my daughter, taking out my usual stack of toddler books - one of them is "the seals on the bus" - a parody of the wheels on the bus.
Librarian: "Are you going to sing this to her?"
Me (befuddled...): " uh... you don't want to hear me sing here"
Librarian: "Oh but SHE does - she'll like it if you sing it to her"

What does she think, my 2 year old is going to read this book herself, or am I going to read it in a monotone? I felt like those old Mad Magazine "snappy answers to stupid questions" routine.
grrrr I get some of the most patronizing comments from librarians who think that I've got the kid to give mommy respite for an afternoon, and I'm just some clueless investment banker who can't change a diaper.
we now return you to our otherwise dismally dank inactive SAHD folder.