Hello

[Laker]

Seems that this forum is a bit slow. I am a Mr. MD and have taken the back burner in terms of career. Hopefully this becomes easier, but for now, I am just ready to get to work in my field that can't happen until we relocate in June. I hope it gets easier.

[fluffhead]

Hi and welcome.
It gets easier in some ways, as you get used to it, and redefine your own expectations and goals.

Do you have kids?
I see you're sub. teaching - I'm kind of in the same boat. Got my PhD and did postdoc, headed for a scientific career, and then married a med student. So now I'm teaching high school part time and tutoring.
It definitely takes alot of energy, as you said in another forum, but I find it alot more rewarding than analyzing ground water samples and writing journal articles.

[Laker]

No kids. We hope to wait until residency is over as we will be very far from friends/family, but we'll see.

I hope to get a position in my field as soon as we are relocated. Thanks for the insight.

It does get easier with time....of course, then you could add some kids to that mix if you want and knock everything out of balance!

I recently decided that I was done "simmering" and started with classes again. You have be creative to keep yourself happy when your spouse is giving 110% of themselves to the rut of school/residency/attending and all you get are the whisps of what used to be your great love. It is hard, but when the good times come around take advantage!!



Thanks for giving a reason to look in this forum!

help me!!!

Hi! I am so thankful to find a website like this. I have been searching for people to bounce ideas off of and recently found this website. Before joining i read a couple of posts and thought although you all seem to be a little further along than myself you still might be helpful. I am involved in a relationship with a soon to be 3rd yr. med student. She is one of the most competitive people i know. thus, she is at the top of her class and doing extremely well. as i am sure you all know this means that we spend little to no time together. i guess my first question would be does it get any better during the third year and beyond? I know that i put a lot of strain on our relationship b/c i basically moved to a city with her to be there to support her and finish my schooling. I am a lawyer and yet don't spend nearly have the time she does studying because I work for the government. I have been here in this strange city for almost two years now but never really felt at home. because of that when she doesn't have time for me i sit at home most nights alone and lonely which i think makes me more agitated with her and les understanding when she can't spend time with me. Our latest episode came last night. I assumed we made plans to go to a movie. She told me she was preparing for a tutoring session in which she would be done by seven. it ended up taking till 10 at which point she called to tell me she was hanging out with friends from medical school and watching movies. i was quite disappointed only because i sat waiting for over four hours thinking we might be doing something at least once during this week! it is extremely tough. She has school from 7-5 everyday and then studies till 1 or 2 each night. what can i do or what can we do to make this work?

[Meenah]

Hi,
Glad you found this site. It does get better and worse and better and worse. There are really a lot of ups & downs but you will survive. Always keep your own life and interests going, because there will be times that is all you have. This site has been a saving grace to all of us. Explore all of the old posts and you will get a feel of what lies ahead.
Luanne

What do you think has been the worst part? How do you deal with it? has it always been smooth sailing in terms of your willingness to comply with your SO's work schedule or did it cause a great deal of arguments in the early going? We argue a lot about it now and then we make headway and then i feel like we end up back at square one again which is "we don't spend enough time together".

There is no easy way to say that this journey will suck the life out of you....and if you are waiting until you get to spend quality time with the worn-out/used-up/dead-tired person that holds your heart in their shaking hands...it will only make you a more sad/bitter/depressed person.
So, get some friends that can go out with you to get something to eat (or whatever!) once in a while without your SO...I know, easier said than done, but do it! It will make your life, right now, better.
As far as third year getting better, sure, fourth year is great too. Then you get hit even harder with residency....so the more that you communicate with her, and get yourself some other things to occupy the time the easier it will be when the truly hard years hit, intern year and so on....

I hope that this is helpful, it can be done, but communication is huge... and having avenues for you to not feel like you are always waiting.

Welcome too!

i agree

i agree with your suggestions. that is what i think i need are friends. the problem is as i believe i said earlier is that i came to this city chiefly for her and have never felt very comfortable. now i may have an opportunity to go back to the city where we attended school (St. Louis) and be more happy because i have social outlets there. she wants to go there to for some of her rotaitons and residency. however, that is at least a few months if not a yr. away. so, the question is, do i go now or wait not knowing if she will go or when she will go in these next two years? any thoughts anyone??????

[pstone]

I have been reading this thread but have had a difficult time figuring out how to respond. Wife, child, and I am in the middle of intern year of residency and there is no way I can sugar coat it for you. Our super strong marriage is pulled, pushed, and shoved about by a system that could give a shit less about her, me, or our child.

I can only do it because I when I see her at the end of yet another 30 hour shift at the hospital all I can think of is how I can pamper her, spoil her, and make it just a little better.

She too was top of her class, balls to the wall, and an over achiver...Thank god we had a kid because it all seems to have changed since then, different priorites I guess. 3years 3 months and 1 week till this residency crap is over and she can work out patient surgery center m-f and make enough money we can do whatever we want in life.

Thank god she picked anestheology, thank god I know family is first for her even when I find myself hating her for a moment for choosing to be a damn doctor.

Communicate, communicate, communicate...

oh, and let me know how the friend hunt goes, I still need to find some that are not 18 months old.

and Welcome.

thank you

thank you for welcome. i really appreciate it. this has really been a tough two years of just medical school. well, i take that back more so this second year than the first. i guess i got used to the work load of first year and as soon as i got comfortable second year got worse! i will pose the same question to you as i did to the other gentleman. what makes it worth it? did you date your SO all throughout this medical career and if so, what is the worst part? What do you think of my suggestion to leave and find a support group of my own even if it is in another city? although the city is only 3 hrs. away? please tell me more about how you dealt with or are dealing with it.

[pstone]

All I can really say is I will have to let you know when I feel like it is worth it. Right now it hardly seems so and I am just hoping that it will at some point.

[Michele]

what makes it worth it?

the big bucks at the end, of course














j/k :!

the big bucks at the end, of course

I was going to say the guaranteed semi-annual sex, but thought that might be TMI.....

[Vanquisher]

the big bucks at the end, of course

I was going to say the guaranteed semi-annual sex, but thought that might be TMI.....