Months between replies?

[reciprocity]

Oh my. I'll have to see what I can do to help.

I've introduced myself here but I wanted to drop in and warn you (those of you who read this forum) that I will be begging for your input as well. The girlfriend and I have been discussing the family plan, and it seems that the gender "reversal" (from the traditional, not the "normal" ) adds some elements to the equasion.

Well, that and the fact that she's an MSTP student, so we're looking at quite a bit of time before she really brings home the bacon (also my crippling law school debt and my nearly complete disdain for the legal profession).

But she's convinced we can find a way to "make it work."

[fluffhead]

MSTP = ?
You can make it work, but it might take lots of compromise, probably more from your side than from hers.
Once you have a few years legal experience, can you go solo, and dictate your own hours? What's your specialty?
That would enable you to augment the family income significantly, while still being around for your kids-to-be.

[reciprocity]

The MD/PhD Medical Scientist Training Program - great for our prospective debt (gov't pays for school), but it really pushes back her earning timeframe.

Right now I'm in patent litigation as a junior associate, and I don't really have control over my schedule or hours at all (and if I were to stay in this field I likely would not - it's just too competative)

I've talked with a few people about doing the solo/home practitioner thing, with mixed results. Litigation is a very "macho" atmosphere, and it's hard to discuss the whole SAHD thing with the guys in my office (or the women in my office, to be honest, one of our female partners took less than a month off to have a kid and that was looked down on pretty harshly)

[fluffhead]

My wife is also md/phd - it's a long haul.
Patent law sounds really cool. I guess eventually you could be a high-priced consultant? But for now you should probably be stashing those paychecks away for future use.
Very few people in the workplace, or any other place, will be able to discuss sahding with you on any kind of empathetic level. There's lots of cultural stuff in the way, especially in a competitive professional environment where you can't let your guard down for a second.
Let us know how things go with you.

[reciprocity]

well, if we do end up being the only two posters in here, we can petition to have the name changed to Mr MD/PhD.

Was there any point in the loooong MD/PhD process that the two of you felt was more condusive to "fulfilling your biological imperative"? How long did you SAHD full-time? Had you saved in anticipation of that, or did you survive off of loans and stipends?

[fluffhead]

We didn't get married till after PhD, so only had to deal with MS3 and MS4. For us, MS4 was the time to procreate, as she had all kinds of time off. Our second was born in early PGY3, which was considerably more difficult.

I'd been working for several years prior to getting married, so I paid off most of the medschool loans with my savings, and after our kid was born, I was total SAHD for about 1.5 years, while we lived off stipends/resident salary. Since then, I've contributed meagerly with my p/t teacher's earnings, but mostly we live off her resident's salary and my savings. Not having the loans to pay off is a big boon.
We just decided that her earning potential was much much more than mine, so it made sense for me to stay home while she finished training.
Hopefully our proverbial ship will come in the next year or two. or three.

[reciprocity]

yeah, with the track I'm on now, my earning potential is probably the greater of the two, but I haven't yet hit my stride at my job and I'm thinking I might have gone into the wrong field, which is why we're considering the SAHD option.

MS4 is what we've been talking about as well, although she is also pushing for breeding during her PhD. That seems too soon to me, not enough time for me to pay off my law school debt/build a war chest.

We'll see I guess. Thanks for your input. Now let's see if I can withold reigniting this powderkeg of a discussion with the girlfriend for a few days.

[reciprocity]

She's going into med school straight away after college, so she's 22, and I'm 27. I don't feel like there's a huge amount of pressure, but I know she wants to have a kid before she's scheduled to be done with everything.

It does sound like a pretty long row to hoe, and here I am happy about being almost done with week one! she's not really doing it for the free ride (although that is a beenfit) but because she really feels passionately about translational research, so for us (right now) just taking on more debt isn't really an option.

Best of luck on the LSAT, like I said in the career forums I tutored LSAT classes during law school, so if you get hung up on one of those logic puzzels, don't hesitate to start a thread!