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Russ is on a ward month this month...after outpatient clinic which ended with a WEEK vacation! I now understand what the experienced spouse mean when they say, 'having him home isn't as easy/nice as I thought it would be.' I love hanging out with Russ, but my routine (especially now with the baby) is completely thrown off! I don't get my naps...which are vital since I'm the one up with the baby at night...I'm still trying to get Russ to do one feeding/waking on nights before days off...but Russ still needs my help so much that I don't really get the break....I know it will pay off, but it seems like too much hassle now...also he spends the next day 'nursing' himself b/c of sleep deprivation.
I hope this ward month isn't too bad. I don't like the call nights...I HATE being home alone...I am sooo not an independent person really and I'm a little afraid of the dark. Thank everything for Tui...my little watch dog...she sounds so damn vicious that even friends who KNOW her won't come in the house sometimes! I know it's going to be more hours than the outpatient clinic was but hopefully it'll be better. Russ really has a hard time with whiny patients...the hospital he's in is the charity hospital and the outpatient clinic is mostly uneducated/unmotivated (all on disability for non-conditions)/uninsured...who have MULTIPLE diseases (many self-worsened) and who complain to him about the cost of the meds (one complained about ~$4/month for 4 meds!). He comes home soooo drained and grumpy! And then he needs 'me' time...hours of it! What about my 'me' time??? My shower every other day is the 'me' time I get! Ummm not fair! I hope this ward month is better!
His parents were here this past week. His mom drives me insane. It was so much better when I drank...then I could drown her out.... She really means well...she cares a lot and she likes me mostly...but she sure has a hard time showing it sometimes! I know some of it is MY interpretation of things she says and does, but it doesn't make it any easier. She's a bit of a clean freak like Kris' MIL...I was dusting and Russ comments (he's a bit in the doghouse for the way he treated me during his parents stay) 'how come you don't clean like this more often?' I replied 'cause I don't like to and I didn't get a doctor degree to do it and when I go back to work, I will pay someone to do it.' His mom says 'so what about until then?' I say 'it stays dirty' She scoffed. I said 'and if you don't like it, don't come to visit.' He used to stick up for me and always put our family first...but this last visit he set me up for her each and every time...discussing my diet/weight, cleaning, having him help around the house/with the baby...
The kicker was last night...he's been grumbling that we have the tree but I haven't decorated it yet...so I have him hold Daegan so I can put the lights on...as I'm putting the lights on, I have to stop every so often to quiet the baby...then I stop to start dinner 'are you gonna finish the tree?' (I had Russ help by cleaning the chicken)...baby's fussing so I sling him and make dinner (Russ and his dad are watching TV - MIL and FIL were separate visits, MIL was gone) after I put dinner on the table I hear 'why'd you make so much rice?' (he cleared his plate in 10 minutes) After dinner, I made dessert...I served them the dessert (2 pieces each) and I hear 'why'd you give me an end piece?' You're lucky I gave you a piece at all bitch! (he then went back and had two more pieces - middle though) All while holding the baby because he can't seem to grasp the idea that babies like to be held close to your body when they are fussy...I'm so lucky Daegan likes the sling and the wrap....I'd never get anything at all done otherwise. Russ did ultimately do the dishes before bed...(it's always been our chore split...I cook, he cleans). I know part of his grumpiness was that he has to go back to work today after a week off, but come on...it's not my fault!
In happier news, Daegan has been 99% cleared by the ID doc!! He just wants to follow up at 1 year to make sure the infection is for real gone. I'm so proud of my boy! He's 10#3oz now! That was a 2 pound growth in one month...exactly on track! And he's nursing exclusively now!! It's so much easier on me! He's a bit wake-y in the night...last week was bad, but the last two days were better. I've been modifying my diet and I think it's helping. I think he was going through a 'developmental spurt' too though because.......
he....
smiled for real!!!!!! Today I really feel like his smile is conscious and not 'just gas' or a reflex! All of today's smiles are melting my heart....and are making the sleepless nights not so harsh.
In other less happy news, the cold weather has come back.
We were hit with that cold system that's travelled across the country...at least we were at the bottom of it and thankfully skipped the sleet/snow. But really are 30 degree temperatures necessary??? Why can't the world stay a cozy 88 degrees with a light breeze??? At least we have a fireplace.