So I survived flying with Daegan. He actually was really good for it all.

It was awesome seeing my family again and the ocean and all. I miss Florida. Coming back made me realize how lonely I really am here. And I question if we did the right thing moving to Louisiana. I know the Match and all but UF all but told Russ they would match him if he wanted. I didn't want. I didn't want to stay in Gainesville....so he didn't rank them first and we ended up at our 9th pick....freaking too far from my family. At least at UF I would've had my sister close and my folks only 4 hours away....now we're all a plane ride or two-day drive away. It was great having people around to watch Daegan so I could poo alone. It was also nice having my mommy taking care of me!!

Daegan grew up so much while we were gone.

He's learned how to throw a tantrum now. It is SOOOO ridiculously annoying. His whine makes me want to smack him sometimes....ok not really smack him but you know?? And he gets into everything now that he can stand adn 'cruise'.

Ugh and the waking every 2 hours to nurse is getting a little old....especially since he didn't even do that when he was 4 months old! I've been reading the No-Cry Sleep Solution adn I'm just frustrated. I'm trying but it sucks trying alone.

And that;s the other thing....OPHTHO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE EASY! Ugh....I was totally in a dream land when I thought that everything was going to be easier when intern year was done. Yeah Russ is home most weekends, but he's gone the rest of the week.....yeah I'm sure it's WAY easier than a bunch of other specialties.....but it seems like it SUCKS for ophtho. He doesn't get home until 7 most nights....and by then I'm worn out. I can't leave Daegan at daycare any longer....I feel too guilty...yeah my own issue...but there nonetheless. And we're trying this new bedtime routine...but it has me doing all of the work. Hmm....familiar theme anyone?? And then Russ comes home hungry and grumpy and tired and he has to read and sometimes I just want to read myself.

That's some of the reasons I've been MIA the past few weeks. I've been back and reading since Aug 5th but I just don't have much to contribute since I feel like our home life is kinda sucking so bad. Russ and I have had more serious fights than in the past....and it's not cool. I think were in an ok place for the moment....but it feels like any second it can all change.

When I got back, the first things he said to me were about how much quieter things were when we were gone and how we make all the mess....it totally seemed like he was happier when Daegan and I weren't around!! I think we've cleared that up, but his actions make me think he was happier.

I made a plan to come back from Florida recharged to be a better wife....to keep the homefires burning better so to speak....and I'm not so great at it....at least not at the "doing it gracefully with no praise" part. I need constant reassurance from him that things are good and that he appreciates me. Not so easy to come by these days....

I missed Russ like crazy when I was gone, but things were tons easier....but not better. I just wish there was a residency closer to family. I miss mine more than I realized.


And as much as our financial planner (Russ) hates it....I'm outsourcing jobs that I won't do and that he just can't anymore. I've signed the dogs up to be bathed every other week my vet clinic. And I'm *this* close to getting someone to take care of the lawn. We already have someone to clean the house. I think the hardest part for Russ is that he wants to do all of these things....he wants to be home to mow the grass and bathe the dogs...he just isn't....and he needs more sleep and alone time than he can get in a 24 hour day while working 13 hours.

Ugh....I have to go tend to the whiny babe and figure out when I can write 30 freaking thank yous.....I hate thank you cards.