I need CE hours. I was supposed to go to a conference in February but didn't because that meant leaving Daegan with Russ and our sitter for a week....just two weeks after my mom left after Kai was born. I thought it would be too much for Daegan. I'm glad I didn't leave but I needed the hours. Now I'm scrambling to find the hours before June 30th. So tomorrow I'm going to Dallas for 8 hour seminar. I've never left Kai that long. And the lasttime I was away from Daegan that long was when I had Kai. I'll need to leave at 5:30am and I'll be home around 8:30pm. Russ is watching them. He's totally bugged out. He watched them Friday morning and now he's burnt out. I think here is something else going on with him but he claims there isn't. He's been short tempered and anxious like he was during study time. He's pulling away from us again. I tried to talk to him about it but he tried to turn it around on me and said that I'm depressed and need meds. I really don't think so. But I asked a couple people around me if they thought I was different and they said no. And one of my friends was around us today just for lunch and she thought Russ was being selfish. I think so too. He's been pouring himself into this car. When he's home he's either online reading forums or looking for parts or he is trying to tinker with the car. And if I ask for help or about dinner or for any attention then he blows up at me and complains that he just wants five minutes alone. Then he follows with all the stuff around he house that I haven't done. I've been sick this week. So yeah stuff isn't done. But he could pitch in and help ya know? But I guess he is because he's watching he boys tkorrow? I don't think that is such a big chore to ask/expect. He's almost trying to make it seem like I'm choosing this and that it's a fun thing I'm doing while I'm sticking him with the kids. Ugh. Some days we really just don't see eye to eye.

Back to the mommy guilt. I feel bad leaving them for so long. Especially Kai. But I need the hours to renew my license. More later....