Swimming is over. Summer swim season is crazy here- fast and furious. Since I am sort of in charge of part of the program, it's extra crazy for me. Saturday was the end-of-season party, and then... Nothing. We don't have to go to the pool every day. We don't have to pack the cooler for swim meets on Wednesday, Saturday, Sunday, and the occasional Monday or Tuesday... It's always so abrupt when it ends. No more need to constantly check my emails. No planned activities for the kids. Now the real work of summer vacation starts...

The awards banquet was nice, but I got to the point of being super-annoyed by one of my needy pre-team parents. I supervise the pre-team (learn to swim kids, ages 4-8 mostly), which means I get the new parents who don't know much about swimming. At the Banquet, 2 of my kids got 3 different special awards outside of the regular participation awards (which I think are cool too). Steven got the Coach's Choice plaque (swimmer who best shows the work ethic, love of swimming, etc) and the high-point earner for his age category (this ridiculously large trophy), and Katie got the most improved award (another large trophy!). Through all the awards, this pre-team parent was asking me about her T-shirt order which had been misplaced. I told her 3 different times to just wait until after the presentations were done, and I could get the shirt for her. I even went to look for the shirt. She just... didn't get it. She wanted to leave, her husband was ready, yadda yadda. I tried to get away. She followed me. I missed it all!!!

Anyway, Mac recorded the awards. I guess I'll watch that version! I would have liked to have heard what was going on en vivo. Next year I'm going to sit with my family, far away from my problematic parents... The first critical error I made was to volunteer to help serve food. Never again! I will do clean up. That's the best job to sign up for!

Right now I'm just sort of trying to figure out what I'm going to do with the kids for the next 5 days until we fly to Washington. I have nothing planned. We will have to pack, and get our back to school shopping done before we leave, but... Besides that... ??? Songebob? Wii? Fighting?

We just got back from taking Kate to the airport. She's going out early so that she can go to summer camp with her Washington friends. She is getting so grown-up... She's flying by herself, unaccompanied, on an adult ticket. She just walked off with all the other people, down the escalator to the security area. No worries. She's just another passenger... an independent young lady. It's weird. She texted me when she was on the plane to let me know all was well. No doubt she was out of the metro DC airspace before I got home.

Mac is lonely and not loving his rotation in Texas. I'm too exhausted to really talk to him, and so we send a couple of texts every now and then, but... He's tired, call's a pain in the arse out there (more intern-level stuff than he's used to-- he doesn't remember how to treat patients for diarrhea yet he's supposed to do that, etc.), and he doesn't get significant OR time so he's sort of whiney about the whole thing when he talks about it. And I am just... beaten down. Exhausted. Him: What did you do today? Me: The usual. Him: I went to the store. Me: snoring...

I felt really good this year in my job in the swim team. I started to really know the other parents on the team. I felt more and more a part of the group. These relationships take time, and now... I am having issues with having to move across country. I find myself trying to find a way to get back here for attendinghood after fellowship. I try to plan all sorts of schemes and strategies to get Big Army to send us back here. Because I have friends here, and I sort of am used to life here...

Mac can't see past the traffic and the rude customer service, though. He told me how nice they were in Houston, how they all smiled at him and talked to him, how they all let him go in front of them in line at Costco... He said it was a little over-the-top nice, even! I sort of feel that way too. When I go somewhere where people are a little more friendly, it's nice for a while but eventually I get tired from having long conversations with strangers in the checkout line of a store. Sometimes I just want to daydream or something... Just... get done with what I have to do.

But, Mac dreams of being closer to *home*. I sort of dread it to be brutally honest. It would be nice to be able to drive over to see family rather than have to fly, but... I don't want to have more interactions with Mac's side than I have now. I really truly don't. It's so very stressful for me to see them. They were just cruel to Mac when he was growing up. Cruel, selfish, neglectful, abusive people. I harbor more bitterness about Mac's childhood than Mac does. I'm sure it isn't healthy, but I get so very stressed whenever I see them. And if we lived closer, I know who would be coming looking for money and a place to crash. His brother and sister. Both of them are certifiable. And both of them feel like Mac owes them something. Because, since Mac got out, made something of himself, clearly his childhood was far better than their's... Which is a load of crap. I feel absolutely no responsibilty towards his brother or sister at all. They made their beds... Am I cruel? I don't think so. Mac's older brother offered Mac cocaine when Mac was 8 years old. Every time Mac was going to do something in life, some big change, his older brother would have a breakdown, threaten to commit suicide unless Mac came to help him out. Shudder. I really don't like him. And his sister? Holy cow. She's a piece of work. I do feel sorry for her, but... I don't trust her at all... She's a master-manipulator too. And she's just horrid to her kids.

Beyond Mac's family, I actually don't want to live closer to mine. It sucks that our *vacations* are largely spent flying home to visit family. But living close to my family would put me at risk of losing our independence. My family tends to make plans together, as a big group. You can't go to dinner with just one family without hurting feelings. I think I get better quality time with my family under the current set up. When my mom comes to visit, she is here to visit. She isn't worried about her life, or my dad's work, or any of that other crap. She can sit back and enjoy my children and catch up on her romance paperbacks she's always reading. When my dad comes to visit, truly I talk to him more in the first day than I do during the entire 3 weeks I see him at his house.

It is so hard for me to start to feel like I'm at home out here, finally, knowing that it will all end in less than 2 years.

This has been an interesting time for me, because I never ever thought I may actually choose to live out here...

And of course, we have the Army to ultimately tell us where to live. If DH wants to be here, though, I think they'll take him. They'll need someone with his fellowship anyway, and they luv him.

Sigh.

Rambling post... Sorry...