October 18, 2004

Wasn't I just raving about the joys of motherhood!

Last night when I went to bed, I was greeted at my pillow with a note from my daughter:

"Dear Mommy,

I hate you. You have hurt my feelings and I can never forgive you. I don't ever want to go out with you to Barnes and Noble again.

not your daughter,

Amanda"

Apparently, my adorable offspring was unhappy with the fact that I punished her for being so mean to her little brother. As a consequence for her calling him names and pushing him off of the bed at bedtime, I told her that she would not be having any playdates this week.

I called my mom today to talk about what had happened and perhaps gain some valuable insights. Instead, I listened as she laughed into the phone! "Ahhh, PAYBACK" she joyfully declared in a tone that implied some sort of a victory. Apparently, I wasn't always the angel myself and she was just waiting for this moment to come along so that she could savor the moment.

It brings me to a broader parenting issue though. My husband and I work hard to be the best parents that we can, but we are also aware that like all parents we carry our own issues and baggage onto the job. We have made plenty of mistakes (and I'm sure that our children will be more than happy to fill us in on all of them when they become teen-agers) and so in practically the same 24 hour period that I am rejoicing about parenting and fantasizing about having a larger family than we already have, I am also asking myself if I really am good enough as a mom.

My daughter's temper tantrum has initiated a new round of self-reflection on my part. I stood my ground with her and reiterated that I loved her unconditionally and that the punishment would not change, but the reality is that her words did hurt. After taking time to think about the events of the day, I realized that I haven't been paying enough individual attention to Amanda. She has friends from the neighborhood over almost every day after school and I just haven't taken the time to spend one-on-one with her.

My new goal now is to spend more quality time with the children after school. We seem to all be going our seperate ways. The boys head for the gamecube, Amanda has her friends over and I retreat into the comfort of the internet.

We had a family meeting tonight and we agreed to remove technology from our afternoons for awhile. For me that means no more computer after lunch. The boys were willing to completely set aside their gamecube during the week and Amanda has agreed to limit the amount of time she has friends over.

I know that some people would consider this an over-reaction to my daughter's note. I just can't help but to see her behavior towards her brother and the letter to me as a cry for attention. I feel like I have to respond in a positive way.

I'm hanging on to that letter though! I certainly will need it as evidence when she calls me some day about HER daughter!