It's nearly 3am and I can't sleep. This weekend has just been torture...waiting for the needle biopsy, waiting for a final diagnosis....I don't feel that I have the strenth to even go into the room on Tuesday and hear the 'verdict'.

My mom was coming on the 22nd but now she'll be here on the 20th...She was also able to get a 50% off medical emergency ticket for my brother, so he'll be here too.

My phone just keeps ringing off the hook and I can't answer it anymore. I feel like a robot repeating the story over and over again to family and friends.

I wish I could wake up and have this all have been a bad dream. I'm so afraid of the needle biopsy...they will be able to use a local anesthetic, but I can't be sedated. I was offered some Adavan, but it's category D...I just think that since I'm going to have chemo I have to limit the baby's exposure....at the same time, I feel so nervous that I'm afraid that I can't go through with it without something to take the edge off.

Living with a doctor during this time is difficult. Thomas just sees all of the 'worst case' scenarios. He can't help himself from telling me what 'might' happen....I just don't want to know....