Alex had his 7th birthday party on Saturday and it was such a blast. We had it hosted at a local gymnastics club. Seven of the boys from his school showed up and they literally bounced, jumped and tumbled for nearly 2 hours straight. Every picture of Alex that I have is with a huge smile on his face...from ear to ear. I think one of the nicest parts of the day though was watching Andrew and Aidan. Because Aidan is only 2, I didn't think he would be allowed to go out in the big open gym and participate in the party. Andrew (11) took him by the hand and basically led him through the entire party! They bounced together on the mini-tramps, did the mazes together and Andrew even went into the ball pit with him so that he could play in there. Aidan was so happy and he jsut trusted Andrew completely. He let Andrew catch him when he jumped off of an obstacle and jumped right into the foam pit with him without even hesitating. Andrew looked so proud to be taking care of his little brother. Amanda pitched in too...It was just nice to see the kids all sticking together and taking care of each other!

Thomas and I pretty much got to kick back and let the birthday party person do all of the work....leading the kids, cutting the cake, writing down who gave what for the birthday gifts. We just sat and watched and took pictures. It was definitely well worth the money! I don't think I'll ever host another party in our home again! meanie

I'm kind of tired from what I call the 'yo-yo effect' lately...because I quite frankly feel like a yo-yo at the end of a string with all of the conflicting messages/medical news that I've gotten over the past week or so. I actually am feeling a little irritated by it all.

Since being told about the 1mm thick area around my c-section scar last week, I've heard 1. that this is very dangerous 2. that this isn't as uncommon and maybe isn't so dangerous 3. I might need bedrest 4. I shouldn't lift Aidan, do laundry, etc, 4. I might need to be monitored as un inpatient, 5. "I don't know" etc. As a result, I started searching online for information about uterine dehiscence etc and found as many conflicting reports there as I have heard 'live'. It seems like there are as many opinions as there are doctors giving them. At this point I wish that nothing had been said until I can see the perinatologist on Wednesday. All I want to know now is the bottom line: What are the real risks, and what do I need to do...and that's it. I'm tired of the drama.

I'm also a little irritated that I'm seeing a nurse educator this week and a nutritionist before even getting in to see the endocrinologist about the whole 'is she developing diabetes' thing. Though I had sugar in my urine, my bloodwork looked fine. Why on earth aren't I being given a fasting glucose test or something BEFORE making all of these extra and potentially unnecessary appointments? I thought I'm not supposed to be running out and about so much?

Of course, I appreciate the fact that people just want to help and are concerned and I am not complaining...I'm just feeling a little annoyed. At the end of the day, I really am beginning to wonder if there isn't a little too much caution going on...and things are really fine...

Other than my irritation with 'the system' and the whole 'not knowing' thing I feel in good spirits! I wore my wig to Alex's school today for the first time and I had the funniest experience:

I wore a headband with it to give it a style...and the headband popped off of my head somehow Laughing This caused the wig to twist and become lopsided on my head so I was desperately sitting there trying to straighten it and get the headband to get back on without a mirror, etc. The little girls sitting near us start to give me wide-eyed smiles....and finally the little boy sitting right next to me said "cool, can you take it off so I can see your bald head?" Mr. Green I didn't take it off, but I did lift it up so that he could have a peek...and he acted like it was the highlight of his day! I had a good chuckle over it after I left...though admittedly I was feeling sheepish until I got out the door. I didn't really care about what the kids thought...they are all just curious and basically kind...it was the grown-up lunchroom attendants I felt self-conscious around! Mr. Green Basically though...they are all just kind people too. Mr. Green

I'm trying to get geared back up to start working on the german with the kids and I've been wading through all of the workbooks and activities that I have collected over the last year. It's embarassing to me that I've collected so many 'things' to 'teach' them with and have done so little teaching. Truthfully, I just don't know where/how to start....so I'm trying to come up with a plan for that.

My dad and Rose left on Friday and things have been pretty boring around here since then. No more politics to discuss meanie Actually, we had a really nice visit. It's been two years since my dad and I have seen each other and I think part of it is due to our many political and ideological differences. In contrast to previous visits, he was very positive about our lives and our children. He seems to really have mellowed. It was really enjoyable to be around him. He praised our children and told me repeatedly what 'good kids' he thought that they were. He gushed on and on about Aidan and has demanded to talk to any of the kids within earshot when he has called since arriving home.

I think that the illness has something to do with it...perhaps we are both realizing how petty it is to hang on to things from the past that can't be changed...and I saw for the first time in a long time how deeply he really does care for me and that...meant a lot. He cried after our trip to the ER/Ob-Gyn because he just can't come to terms with a lot of what is going on....and he has vowed to be here in a moments notice for any reason. "If you need me for any reason at all, I will get on the next flight and be there".

This is one of the silver linings of this whole lymphoma experience....Things just don't bother me anymore. I realize now that I really ruminated on a lot of unimportant stuff before and let myself get excited/angry/depressed about things that now wouldn't even be a blip on the radar screen for me. (I know I've said this before...please forgive the redundance!). I just realize that in the past, I've been a much more negative person that I was willing to admit or maybe...I just couldn't see it. I feel thankful now so many things in my life: a beautiful snow fall, the cat chewing on the few remaining hairs left on my head Laughing , bubble baths and the sound of my kids...fighting...yup...it still irritates me and even makes me mad at times...but I am glad to be here to listen to it!