I'm not sure why I feel the need to write about this....except that it's been on my mind since yesterday. I went out in the morning with Aidan to our regular 'hotspot'...the toddler play area in the shopping mall. He loves going there and climbs and plays like a wild indian. I was sitting watching him and was slowly joined by a group of young adoptive moms. They were busy chatting about their new 'referrals' while their little ones jumped around and played with Aidan. One mom piped in that she had just turned down a referral...a baby girl born at 32 weeks who had spent 2 weeks in the NICU. "They say the baby is fine, but I just can't take the risk...what if there are some defects and we don't know until years from now. Being born a week or 2 early is one thing." "I know what you mean," piped in another. "There are people out there that WANT those special needs kids and they should adopt them. I'm not equipped to deal with a child with any problems." I listened for about 10 minutes before I just had to get up and leave...I am pregnant with a baby that I will "take" if she is blind, deaf, has neurological problems or developmental delays.. . I just want to hold her in my arms and feel her soft skin against my own. I felt so outraged that I was speechless...even though I tried to understand the perspective of these moms. It would be nice if life were so easily planned...but it's not. There is nothing about life or parenting that is as predictable and 'neat' as this small group of moms imagine. I felt so vulnerable as I left. I wanted to look back and see if they were staring at me now that I had stood up and revealed myself to be hairless and pregnant, but I just kept walking.... kris