My mil won't be coming to visit us again anytime soon. Actually, I told dh that if we do end up going to Germany at the end of this summer, I don't even plan on traveling near where she lives. Heck, if I have to pay for a hotel room anyway WHY would I go and visit HER? I plan on sticking to that too. As far as I'm concerned she doesn't even need to know that we are coming.

DH called his mom when we found out about the tumor, but before we had all of the diagnosing done. It was about 3am her time and in response to our 'news' she said:

"Did you get the package that I mailed to you?"
"Mom, did you hear what I just told you," dh said.
"Yes..but I mailed it 3 weeks ago...it should have already arrived."
He tried to impress upon her the importance of what he was telling her, but she didn't seem to understand. Then when he asked her to come back (GOD FORBID) to help us, she said that she couldn't because she had 'pulled something' in her back.

First of all...I wouldn't actually have permitted her to come because I don't want or need the aggravation and my very last concern is whether o r not the shoes in my closet have all been cleaned. But I was hurt for Thomas because I felt that he was asking her for support and she was rejecting him.

After that, we pretty much haven't heard from her unless Thomas calls HER. I had chemo on her birthday and so he didn't call her...and that netted a phone call from her in return. "What's going on?"
Thomas apologized for missing her birthday but explained about how busy we are with the treatments and appointments.

She just launched into a "WHAT were you two thinking?" lecture. "How on EARTH are you going to manage this? Kris will have a premature baby and 4 other children to care for and will be getting radiation...she will never be able to manage...I just can't beLIEVE you guys are doing this."

Thomas told her "Mom, we didn't plan for Kris to get cancer" Shocked

She never once offered her support to him or asked if that would be a good time for her return visit. If she actually thinks she'll be coming here twice a year again she is sooooo wrong. The day she steps foot in my house again is the day that I drive to TX to my mom and don't come back.

And just FYI...I most certainly WILL handle it....

She has not spoken with me once since my diagnosis ... even her best friend, whom she brought with her for the visit in October, called me to talk to me on Christmas Eve...She has never acknowledged this in any way to me....and it really is hurtful. Thomas makes excuses for her "Well, her church IS praying for you.....it's just not her nature to reach out."

He is so much more alone in dealing with this than I am. I have my wonderful friends from the iMSN and my family...my mom calls me every day and my dad calls me almost every day. My mom has come out and helped...my dad and his wife came up and helped...My son's teacher has been a big help too. I know that I do not have to shoulder this burden by myself.

He, on the other hand, has really no one outside of me to talk to...It's hard for me to pump him up or defend his mom to him when he is feeling down. I can't imagine ever abandoning any of my children like that...