It's been a long day. I have a slow internet connection so I am going to try and update things. I don't know where we're heading with everything, but I've managed to convince myself that the u/sound today was simply wrong. I think that she just made a mistake. I know that sounds like denial, but at this point I've heard so much bad news folowed by "ooops, things don't look so bad" that I really, really believe that tomorrow morning we'll be having a "look there is a normal amount of fluid" conversation.....it's possible, isn't it? Maybe there were pockets behind the baby that they just couldn't pick up on? In the meantime, I've been given a steroid injection to mature baby's lungs. They'll give me the second one at 2am. [Roll Eyes] DH thinks I'm not coming home until baby is here...I think I'm going home tomorrow. We'll see who's right. In the meantime, I'm having horrible pre-scan anxiety. I have my mri tomorrow morning to have the first really good peak at the tumor. As the days have approached, I've noticed myself more short of breath (duh...I'm also pregnant) and I've convinced myself that even thought we've seen x-rays of that bad boy just melting away...that tomorrow they will discover that it is still active...that the treatment has stopped working. It's irrational. I'm sure things will be fine...they will probably tell me it's gone...and yet I'm so panicked that I've had trouble sleeping or thinking straight. I don't feel like I can allow myself to be vulnerable and so I've spent the day laughing and joking with dh, nursing staff, my mom etc...."It's going to be fine...things could be much worse"...the reality though is that I wish I could just fall into someone's arms and be comforted for a few minutes. I would be embarassed to cry...embarassed to be exposed as not being as strong as they all think that I am. I always hear how well I handle all of this stress and bad news..the truth though is that I'm just afraid to slow down...afraid to stop or be vulnerable or scared because I'm afraid if I do...then...I will lose this battle. I can cry about all of this when it is over...