Guess who I'm holding in my arms as I type this from HOME?

Yesterday, a lightbulb seemed to go off in Zoe's head, and she took all of her bottles continuously...and gained 63g. This morning the nurses assured me that they would beg the attending physician for me to be allowed to take her home because she had done 24 hours of consistent bottling with weight gain. The difference in her eating behavior in a matter of 2 days is just startling! She went from being NG fed several feeds to sucking them down in a matter of 48 hours!

I was out with the boys buying individual sizes of pansies for the NICU nurses, little pink baggies for them to go in, little rattles and baby ornaments to put with each flower Mr. Green and Thomas called me to let me know that the NICU had called and I was to call back.

When I did, the nurse said that the doc had been by to examine Zoe...

"AND...."

"Oh, Kris, there is a little girl right here waiting for you to come and pick her up."

"right now?"

"right now!"

I cried all the way home, cried while I put together the pansies and rattles...and cried on the way to pick her up...Then I shed some tears in the NICU with her very first nurse....the first to take care of her and the last to see her go....She is also a cancer survivor and she just held me and rubbed my back.

The doc came by and was thrilled to be able to finally send her out the door. He was happy for me and happy for Zoe....even the families of the other babies were celebrating for us.

On the way ou to the van, I found out that the little baby who had been so sick with sepsis had died after being transported to the cities.... cry That day in the NICU, I was indeed listening as the mother lost her son....

Today is a happy day...and a sad day. I am full of so many mixed emotions....I had many days where I did not think that Zoe would be born alive...others where I was optimistic and felt things would be fine....I am so happy to bring my little girl home...so sad to realize that the mother I met that day did not...

We will continue on the 27cal...and eventually will move to 24cal and then down to the 22cal....we will follow up in peds and with the neonatologist in 6 months.

I can't believe that this journey is almost over...I can't believe that this awful thing has happened to us....

I can't believe that she is home.