MIL has been here for almost a week....It feels like it will never end.

This visit has been a really bumpy ride for all of us. Emotionally, I am all over the place and I'm sure she's picked up on my craziness. I seriously am trying very hard, but I have so much actual life stress going on that I can't seem to find a zen moment at all. I think that her visit really is the straw that broke the camel's back for me.

I also let myself get so worked up over the problems with my neighbors that I think someone could have locked me up last week. really. I like being able to actually solve a problem...and this one has me feeling like I'm simply backed into a corner. My adrenaline is finally not on high alert over it...but I'm not quite to the "not on my radar" stage either.

The good news is that my mil has gotten a couple of glimpses of my neighbor and has taken my side. (That was a huge surprise). She even got to see my neighbor's daughter go outside this week to make fun of Amanda....Again...mil is on our side.

BUT...mil is incredibly annoying in her sideways criticisms. They aren't direct criticisms this time....she just tells me non-stop how my brother's wife is a fabulous chef (after my dinner went sour ), how the spots on my guest shower will never come off becuase I don't clean them each time someone showers, etc. She backed off on the cleaning I guess to see what I would do. I, in turn, used this time to sit down and chat with her, read, play with the baby and Aidan etc. Wrong ANSWER. Apparently, I failed that little test.

She told Thomas she thinks I'm a wonderful mom, but honestly....I think that was a trick too...because all she does is tell me about her neighbor whom she babysits for regularly and how this woman would never allow x, y and z....right after I have just allowed it. Then last night when I went to pick the kids up from an activity she told dh that I am clearly unhappy being at home. (Maybe I'm just not happy being at home with HER. )

It did, however raise the issue of lonliness and being a sahm. She's surprised by the fact that basically no one ever calls or comes over here. My life was much better being a sahm when other moms were doing it too. During residency, I really enjoyed it because every day we went to a diff. playgroup. My neighbors were all sahms too...Now though, things are diffferent. In the community that we live in, more than 70% of moms (I would guess) work outside of the home. For my children to play with other kids after school, I feel like I'd have to sign them up for daycare at KidStop....That's so ridiculous.


Back to mil....She complains about how much TV our kids watch, how they don't go outside and play (with whom?) etc. We had a serious altercation that ended with us ignoring each other for 1/2 of a day because of it. Basically, she started in about how horrible it is for the kids to eat lunch at school and come home at 3...because...in Germany, kids come home at noon for a mommy-cooked warm meal and usually stay home after that. On rare occasions, the older children have afternoon classes. It turned into a "if a woman wants a baby she has to sacrifice...women shouldn't work or they shouldn't have children...they need to be able to give things up"

and I just lost it "Oh, you mean like completely giving up themselves, their own happiness and who they are? The reason that women in Germany aren't having children anymore is because it is basically a prison sentence...the end of their lives They can't say "when my child goes to school I will go back to work...its OVER". Which caused me then to launch into a "you know, why send little girls to school? Girls don't really need to do anything beyond reading a recipe and measuring the ingredients and cleaning. "

It went over fabulously well as you can imagine.

I suppose the positive is that I've finally started speaking my mind. The negative is that I'm coming off soundling like a freak.

My mil is like one of those circus mirrors that distorts your appearance. When she holds up her mirror, all you see are your weaknesses..the negatives.

I can honestly say that I feel like I am losing my mind.





kris[/quote]