I seem to have hurdled over the wall that I had hit as the end of summer was approaching!

Life again feels....good.

I believe that for me, making the decision not to apply for the job that I felt I was meant to have was very liberating. At other times in my life, being a stay-at-home mom felt like a *choice* that was thrust upon me...Of course, I could have done something, but I allowed myself to feel immobilized. This time, being an at home mom is completely 100% my choice. I'm not doing it because there are no other options, because I didn't get a job I applied for...I'm doing it because I want to.

I have decided to do it differently. I will be taking a few mornings a week for myself and so Zoe will be going to some sort of a "preschool" program. That though, is also my choice and so...I'm not going to allow myself to have moment of guilt over it. I need my time and my space to reconnect and refill my own batteries.

I have yet to decide about whether or not I want to take a class right now. Believe it or not, my gut feeling is....no. I'm not saying that I won't decide differently in the Spring and....I give myself the freedom to change my mind at any time.

What I have decided is....hold on to your hats....to put the same detail-oriented planning into my at-home-momness for this year. I told Thomas that and his responses was to laugh and say "well, we'll see how long THAT lasts". He has experienced first hand my work-life compulsiveness and also my at-home *slackerness* (new word!)

I'm going to try and get things ship shape around here. Look out kids! I have decided that before I embark on any major career decisions that I'm going to make sure everything here is running as it should be.

Ummmm....Major Irony alert:

I did say that I was turning down the opportunity to apply at the U and hoped that a window would open for me. And....after my "I am my kid's mom" rant above, I have to sheepishly add that....

Yesterday I ran into the head of the german program at the school Andrew will be going to in the Fall. He also runs the summer german camp. He and I had spoken in the past about the opportunity to build a solid German Saturday program here. We had touched based during summer camp this year, but I had really pushed it to the back of my mind. I have had contact with this person in the past and nothing came of it.

But.....he sought me out yesterday to say "I have gone from person-to-person talking about your idea to start a Saturday program and it is a done deal. We start in September. Email me so we can get on the same page."
I have spoken with this person off and on for THREE years about the idea and never in a million years thought it would happen. He has the classroom and many of the teachers lined up. I can't believe it. He wants me to be the volunteer coordinator and set up curriculum stuff.In all likelihood, I won't teach which is fine....but I will be responsible with him for establishing the program.Ummm...can we say best of both worlds?

How many years have I complained now about the lack of a German program here in our community? He also would like to ultimately establish a German immersion school. Again...those of you that have listened patiently to me complain for years about this...will at the very least be happy that they don't have to listen to me....complain anymore.

You should have seen Amanda's head twist around on her neck though when she realized she would have to start having to go to Saturday German school. Priceless.

Andrew had his picnic yesterday afternoon to prepare for his new start at his new school. I had hoped that he would leave there less anxious and worried, but the event seemed to have the opposite effect. He felt so nervous and awkward that he was a little sick to his stomach... From my perspective, the event went very well. I am so impressed by this school and their sense of family and community. They had a great presentation and headmaster basically said "This school is a family. We consider you all a part of our family and hope that you will let us into your lives as a part of your extended family...we ask for this with humble hearts..." I'm not kidding.

After the meeting, I was speaking with one of the directors because Andrew had signed up to take both Spanish and German in the Fall. She explained that he could do this but would have to give up his study hall....and so he decided (his choice) to stick with the german only. I think it was a smart decision because I don't want him to be overloaded. She also realized that he was signed up for the math placement test this morning and she told me to not bother to bring him in. He is skipping a grade in math (mom brag) and the issue at hand was really if he should skip another grade up to geometry. This sounds like a terrible brag, and I suppose it is. My apologies, but...oh well...he deserves this brag. I'm opposed to that kind of skippage for social reasons right now AND I think he needs a more solid foundation in algebra....so since Geometry isn't on the table from my perspective, he didn't even need to come in and take the placement test. Yeah! One less stress.

Andrew yelled at me and was angry the whole way home because he feels forced to go to the new school and he "hates me". I gave him his space and then went into his room and talked to him for about an hour....about my own experiences moving and changing schools, Thomas' experiences with nervousness as he prepared to move for residency etc.....and I told him that I will be right behind him supporting him. This is not an irreversible decision. If after one year he decides that the school isn't a good fit, he can return to our schools here. I reassured him that I will do everything within my power to help him keep up the contacts with his two best friends here. (And I have been doing that all summer by working to form relationships with their moms and having double sleepovers where both of the other boys spend the night on the same night here.) He says he doesn't fit in...that he won't have friends....and I told him that I wished that I could shrink myself down into a teeny person and then hide in his pants pockets when he went to school so that if he was nervous he could just pull me out and talk to me. He laughed like it was the dorkiest thing ever but then agreed that it would be nice.

So....I told him I will sew a few ummmm...mini-me's to put in his pocket in a little bag....and whenever he is feeling awkward or nervous he will only have to reach into his pocket and know that I'm right there with him....and he said that would be good. "Well, if this is my fantasy, Andrew, my mini-me gets to be skinny, ok". "Ok". I guess I'll be sewing some mini-me's this next two weeks. I'll let you know how they turn out![/quote]