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We've officially hit the wall...
The reason that winter in Central MN is so awful isn't because of the cold, ice or crunchy snow that makes life outdoors seem uninhabitable. It is because the only indoor activities for children are fighting with each other, fighting with each other over the computer, fighting with each other over the gaming systems and listening to parents fight with each other about the fighting children.
We have reached a point in our parenting of feeling helpless. Our once mild-mannered 13 year has entered adolescence with full force...this has been a sort of sudden-onset puberty where our firstborn went from being kind and sincere to really difficult to deal with in a matter of weeks...and it has stuck! Admittedly, I have handled this with the grace and class of a homeless alcoholic being swarmed by hornets.
The words that have come out of my mouth have been unacceptable and have only served to fan the flames of this adolescent battle that we are engaged in. When did I become such a bad mom? :huh: How did this happen?Both Thomas and I recognize that we need to step back, start acting like adults again and regain control of our behavior and our household, but the truth of the matter is that we find ourselves in the situation of feeling helplessly, hopelessly overwhelmed. It is the dead of winter and the kids are stuck indoors. I am exhausted beyond the limits of my ability to cope by the constant driving around in the car, the early mornings and the day-to-day issues of dealing with 5 children ranging in age from 13 to 21 months. I'm so tired and worn out that I have begun to neglect the basic things in this house....dishes, laundry, homework routines....you name it.
Yesterday, the kids had a kung fu show at 1:15 and Thomas was busy all morning/afternoon giving a CME talk about MRSA for family practitioners. I was on my own trying to get everyone ready. It seemed like things were going as planned until I realized that Andrew and Alex's kung fu shirts (that they had hung up in their closets) were filthy.
With only 30 minutes before we left, I threw them into the washer on the quick wash cycle...and even with that I kept going back and rotating the dial to make it go faster. This backfired on me though and I couldn't get the door to the washing machine open. When I finally was able to get the clothes out, they were soaking wet because I had screwed up the spin cycle. 
I tried squeezing them out and then tossed them into the dryer, but when it was time for us to go....the shirts were still very wet.Instead of being upset, we just decided to embrace it. The boys put on heavy shirts underneath their uniforms and we laughed on the way to kung fu about writing this one up in the scrapbook as the kung fu event they went to soaking wet.
The Kung Fu teacher was much less amused. She can be very serious and she sought me out to scold me for Alex's wet shirt. :tsk: "Kriiiiiiis", she chided, "I had to give Alex an extra shirt. It is very wet." It was so obvious that she disapproved, yet instead of being apologetic, I responded "well, if you think Alex's shirt is wet, you should see Andrews!" The teacher looked surprised. "Why?" I just sighed. Of course, nothing trumped Aidan's PINK Kung Fu shirt. I had to explain to Thomas that I separated clothing for exactly that reason. White + Red= PINK!
Amanda and Andrew's group got the program started:
Notice that Andrew is wearing a heavy sweatshirt underneath his Kung Fu uniform.
Aidan's group was up next.
If you look closely, you'll see how pink his uniform is!
The program closed with Alex's group. He is the second one and is directly facing the camera:
My two good friends were there and we giggled like school girls about Aidan's pink shirt, the boy's wet clothing and the struggles we'd been having of late. Good grief, if we didn't laugh we might just need to be committed. OK...so we also giggled over the demonstrations by two of the adult male kung fu instructors who showed us every possible martial arts lock and release from a... lying on the floor, legs wrapped around each other in what could have been interpreted as a warm embrace position.
It was almost embarassing to watch. I feel desperate for time alone to myself though. Last week, I had to cancel the babysitter who comes in the morning because all of the kids got sick with the stomach flu.
This morning, I got up early with Zoe and tried to get online for a little bit while she rummaged through her toy chest. Instead of playing with her toys though, she tore off her diaper and pajamas, climbed up onto the sofa with me and proceeded to pee all over me and two of our three sofa cushions. It all happened so fast that I was actually stunned enough to sit there for a minute.
I spent the next 1.5 hours trying to wash off the cushions with woolite and our wet/dry vac....The cushions look shiny and new, but the smell....it is still lingering there. :banghead:
The problem that we have is that there is no easy fix. We do not have reliable family to help out. Thomas and I have been trying to survive through tag teaming. I let him go out for a few hours, he lets me go out for a few hours and sometimes we let Andrew and Amanda babysit. This is always a rather awkward option because even though Andrew is 13, Amanda is nearly 12 and they both really are very, very good with the little ones when we're gone, people look down their noses at us about it.
I was babysitting when I was in the 5th grade. I don't quite understand the outrage. Before we leave, Amanda and Andrew write out a list of things to do with Alex, Aidan and Zoe....they play games, watch selected videos, set up the wooden train tracks, build with legos and actually manage to have everyone in their pajamas sleeping when we get back....they are really good babysitters...just bad at being siblings right now.
At 13, Andrew is legally of age to babysit other people's children (the age is 12 in MN) and Amanda is legally of age to babysit her siblings (the age is 11)...and yet we get the "so who is your babysitter tonight?" with the knowing glances across the table between people certain that we are neglecting our responsibilities as parents.
It is...infuriating.
We have hired babysitters in the past. Last summer, we were still hiring TWO babysitters to come and babysit our 5. What we discovered is that the babysitters got engrossd in playing video games, ignored Zoe, didn't get along with Amanda, didn't clean up, were expensive and to top it off, they were never available when we needed them because of all of the activities that they were involved in. Average age of said babysitters? 13 :huh: Any older than that and they really, really were impossible to schedule something with.
sigh.
I feel frustrated...and I'm having trouble forgiving myself for the horrible things I have said to Andrew in recent days due to my frustration with his behavior and my own exhaustion.
The only thing that is encouraging to me is that there is no place to go but up. I recognize this defeated winter crash and I know that once I realize I'm here that I'm always able to find my winter groove again.[/quote]