Mommy Boot Camp: Day1

In the spirit of taking control of this Zoo again, I hit the ground running today. After Aidan's preschool conference, I got the kitchen cleaned up, made my bed and did some general picking up and laundry folding. That sounds like what I should be doing every day, and it is...but I haven't been doing it very regularly. I took Amanda to a friend's house, came home and finished cleaning up the downstairs and then I took all of the boys out for a surprise rootbeer float at our local A&W. It was nice to think about them and not ruminate about being lonely or the weather being cold.

Also...major confession...I got back on the lexapro today. I took it after Zoe was born and we were going through so much turmoil and I did well on it. After 6 months of stable happiness, I got the ok to taper down and get off of it. My goal was to not take anything....but....I think it was a mistake to stop so soon. Maybe I need to stay on it for a longer period of time. I don't know why this bothers me so much. I'm totally pro "do what you need to do" for anyone else, and I don't judge anyone who takes an antipdepressant or other meds...but I hate taking something myself. :huh: It doesn't make sense. I got the ok from my internist to take it. I'm seeing her in 10 days for other testing and ....I may need to get back on steroids for awhile ... long story... let's just all hope for the sake of my weight (and mood) that I can avoid it!

The great thing about lexapro for me is that I get an instant result...within hours...because of the side-effects. The drug makes me tired, which makes me calmer and quieter......so even though it takes awhile for the actual medicine to do its thing, I get sort of instant relief from anxiety because of its "may cause fatigue" side-effects. Lucky me..and since I'm usually such a ball of pent up energy, everyone notices.

Andrew: "you sure are calm today, mom"
Thomas: "you seem different. much calmer"



Also, I made a conscious effort to back off from my more offensive parenting stance of the past several weeks. I forced a please and thank you out of my mouth each time I asked for something instead of just being short with the kids. It was such a relief to feel some of my old patience returning....It was awkward and familiar at the same time, if that makes any sense. I was so much happier saying "honey, could you please close the door" instead of "good Gawd, close the freaking door, you're letting all of the heat out" Yes, I have been that horrible, bitchy mom recently...it has just gotten progressively worse with all of the driving, driving, driving....

Andrew got behind in one of his classes and was afraid to tell me....and when he finally summoned the courage today, I handled it with a smile instead of an exhausted, overwhelmed "Oh, Andrew" Again...I know...I suk. I forced myself to be calm about it even though I felt disappinted and upset. We sat together for 2 hours and I tried to explain things...slowly, while smiling and encouraging him...It was made easier by the fact that I feel mercifully sedated. I am really sensitive to medicines. His angst over this class and my willingness to listen instead of being critical caused him to open up about his feelings about the workload this year and made me realize how much pressure he is under. I am sure that a lot of the behavior that I have been attributing to becoming a teenager is coming from this too. As I helped him, I could literally feel him relax....and me. It felt so much better to sit down and work through things again instead of just bite my nails and feel upset.

Man, have I been way off base by reacting to my own frustration instead of just stepping back and trying to help. How did I get from being patient to being a crabby witch? Damn, damn, damn. I guess at least I see the light.

After we picked up Amanda this afternoon, I took the kids to the shopping mall so that Aidan and Zoe could play at the play area. All of the older ones complained, but then they had so much fun chasing Aidan and Zoe around and pretending that they were only playing for the sake of the little ones that they didn't want to leave.

Once we got home, I assigned each of the kids the task of cleaning their rooms, their bathroom and putting away their laundry. I haven't had them put their own laundry away since getting sick....and man...now I remember why I did it. I gave them each their baskets, asked them to take them up, hang things/put them in their drawers and have the baskets back downstairs in 5 minutes. Bam...they did it...no problems...It was like we never had stopped doing that!

As a reward for a good day, we all went to TGI Fridays for dinner. Monday nights kids eat free. :> Amanda started arguing about being owed babysitting money, etc and Thomas started up with arguing right back. Instead of joining in, I turned to Amanda and said "We aren't going to argue about this. You will need to accept your dad's decision". She started arguing with me and instead of getting angry (my modus operandum of late) I just firmly let her no that I would not argue with her. Thomas immediately sensed a change in me....and....he followed my lead :thud:

Oh YAH....how could I forget? Mom's calm...everyone's calmer. I realize that I really am a lightning rod for this family right now and I really, really have to reign it back in. I don't think it's completely fair that I have to be the one to set the tone all of the time, but...that doesn't matter. Ultimately, I just need to suck it up and set the tone.

Our evening was very nice and all of the kids went to bed exactly as they were told.....Andrew was even hopeful that he was going to be caught up before the next test and Amanda didn't argue once....even a little.



I bought a new stroller today that was on sale so that I can start heading out to the mall during Aidan's preschool hours with Zoe to walk and get exercise. My old double buggy is impractical and bulky. One of my other "mommy bootcamp" realizations is that something that makes me happier during the summer is walking and being active gardening, etc. I can't quite bring the garden indoors, but I can get out and walk around the mall. It's a must....

Tomorrow I am returning to my regularly scheduled activity of weekly menu planning...something else that has completely been shoved aside since school started. Before the kids get home from school I will have a menu for the week completely prepared to make things once again more organized and relieve myself of unnecessary stress........

I will either take control of this situation or it will completely take control of me.

Kris[/quote]