I've got a few minutes for a mid-week update. It's been so crazy here because we put my van in the shop Tuesday morning and opted to avoid getting a rental car. Since Thomas' car only has 5 seats, it means that I have to leave by 6:55am to get Andrew and Amanda to their schools, come back and pick up Thomas, Aidan and Zoe and drive Aidan to school and Thomas to work....

Basically...it's a live in the car kind of week. The repair shop said that they "hoped" to have the van ready by Friday. Hoped? I said "it's a bumper...just slap a new one on. I don't even care what color it is." It better be ready tomorrow!

All in all though, things have smoothed out so much. I feel like I've been able to find my footing again. I'm not sure what helped me get there, but it is so nice to feel like I'm not wound up like a spring. I feel relaxed and as an added bonus...the whole compulsive eating thing. It's gone right now. That is a really weird added bonus to starting the lexapro that I never would have anticipated....I am a closet McDonald's french fry eater. Sad, I know...but nothing calms my frazzled nerves quite like an order of french fries. Now, the idea of eating a french fry makes me want to throw up. yeah, me! I sure hope THIS lasts!

I've actually lost my appetite.

Again. Yeah, me!

I also decided to get outside of the house a little more. One of the kung fu moms and I have started to slowly get to know each other. Her daughter started about 9 months ago. A few months ago, she said "you don't know me, but....well....the article about you in the paper...my daughter was interviewed for it too." There was a section online about area families dealing with cancer. It's a small world.

Her daughter was diagnosed with Leukemia when she was 2 1/2. She had such a rare genetic form of leukemia that there were only 4 other cases in the world....all of the other four children have since died. They told her that her daughter had a 5% chance of surviving....She had a bone marrow transplant in 2005....and is still doing well. She's doing well....relatively speaking. The chemo caused her daughter to have neurological and developmental issue and even though she is now 10, she is the size of a 7 year old, has obvious coordination problems and learning disabilities.

The more we have talked and gotten to know each other, the more I have learned about her life. Her first son was diagnosed with leukemia when he was 5 months old....and he died of sepsis at age 2. Her second child was stillborn....and now her only remaining child is living under this cloud.

It is...unimaginable....really...unimaginable. It sure puts issues like complaining about driving around in the car into perspective.

She and I got together this morning for coffee for the first time...It was so nice to be able to sit and talk with someone real....no worring about fixing my hair, putting on make-up or thinking about how I should say things. This woman is down-to-earth, doesn't wear make-up most of the time and seems completely unmoved by my ponytail, sweatshirt and jeans.

In other news, my mother-in-law called me this week. Tuesday, as I was running out the door, the phone rang and she told me she needed to talk with me. I apologized and let her know that I was going to pick up Aidan and so she said "when will you be home tomorrow? We need to talk with each other. You never talk to me anymore".

Wednesday at exacty the designated time (which, I had already forgotten ) she called. I got really nervous because I thought she was going to bawl me out for not talking to her.....or something.

Instead, she said "Kris, we haven't talked in so long. I had a dream about you the other night that you came to visit me all by yourself. It was so nice, but of course, I know that will never happen....I miss you."

:thud:

"How are you?"
"I'm fine, Leni...how are you?" Her brother just died of lung cancer and her sister is undergoing treatments for breast cancer. "I'm so sorry to hear about Hans"
"I'm fine...let's just talk about you Kris"
:thud:
HUH? :huh:

I was so stumped that I didn't know how to respond. She continued:

"Well, let's start at the top then. How is Andrew? How does he like his new school? How is he doing?" And she literally went from one kid to the next, asking questions about them, commenting appropriately....and then she asked me how I was doing.

"How is your health?"
"good".

"Things aren't the same though, are they?"
"no...no, Leni, they aren't"

"I understand, Kris"...and then she talked to me about how she thought I deserve a vacation and I should get a babysitter because we have to fill up our own tanks and not just be moms....and that if she were in my shoes, she would feel burned out...

Have I said this yet? --------> :thud:

I felt like I could really open up to her and so I told her how I had been struggling and how hard this last month or so has been...about some of the health issues I've been having and my concerns...and....she was so UNDERSTANDING.

I truly could not believe it. This is the first time we have EVER had this kind of a conversation, and it was initiated by her. She eventually brought up whether or not she would be allowed to come in the Spring for a short visit.....and I could really sense that she was afraid to bring it up out of fear that I would say no.

Thomas had a 1/2 day and he was standing near me the whole time like ----> ....

I have to say that this really went a long way towards bridging the distance that has grown between us over the last couple of years....When I got off of the phone, Thomas was in shock over the conversation. Honestly, so was I.

It's been a good week.[/quote]