Wow...what a busy week! (I think I say that a lot!) Last week was a real whirlwind of activity. The big news is that Spring...finally started to emerge. By Wednesday of last week, the pond behind our house began to melt and I noticed the pussy willows in full bloom off of our dock.




Though it was mid-afternoon, the sky looks dark and gray in these pictures. Saturday, we had gorgeous weather and the sun was shining...but I got so caught up in running outside with the little ones that I neglected to get a photo. I'm sure the sun will shine again and I'll be able to snap a picture to prove that Spring is coming. I....hope!

My mom came from TX for a short visit on Thursday just in time to celebrate Zoe's SECOND birthday.

Yep...baby girl...who walks around saying "I pincess" officially turned 2!

Two years ago, our little miracle was making her early arrival:


We made it through those early days....and...last year we celebrated her first birthday.


Thursday, she celebrate her entrance into the terrific two stage in style:



It took me forever to get a shot of her actually standing still. (Warning...this is about to get photo heavy..but I just couldn't decide which pictures to delete)
I wanted to get a picture of her standing in my back perennial garden like last year, but she had other ideas!

Jump, mommy Jump!






She's a wild one!

It was a busy day.

We went to see the OB/Gyn that delivered her and to take pictures with him...then to my internist for more pictures...and then we were off to the NICU to donate some new baby stuff and....get Zoe's handprint up on the NICU wall!





After her busy afternoon, she spent some time in the Peds playroom having fun:



We also did the obligatory family trip to Space Aliens...but I think I've posted enough pictures from the day!

All in all, I'd say that her birthday was a big success.
For me, the day was bittersweet. I haven't been back up to OB/Gyn since...last year when we got the picture taken with my OB...and...I admit it...I burst into sobs. I couldn't help myself...but I did manage to shake it off and get through the rest of the day with a smile on my face. It was an awkward moment, but...oh well. I did pull it together pretty quickly, so...

Friday, we got a package from Amazon.

Here is my mom with it in her hand:


It was such a surprise to get a copy of the book from Amazon....especially since I still haven't gotten my copies from the publisher. It is a really surreal experience. Now I'm nursing my feelings of inadequacy. Everytime I browse through it I find something I wish I had said differently or I think could be improved on. Sooo...I'm officially putting it away for awhile. At least it's a jumping off point. Ultimately, I do think I'll fix the things that I feel should be fixed...just not...today!

Having my mom here for the weekend was a little bit mixed. Before she came, I did share with her that Thomas and I are just on the verge of burnout...we are totally exhausted from the early mornings, sassy tweens/teens, needy younger ones and the day-to-day demands of raising a family.

Seriously...here is a typical conversation in my house:

"Amanda, it is cold outside (53F). Zoe can't go outside without shoes and a jacket" (said as she has taken Zoe out into the front to ride on her little car).

"For God's sake, Mom. You are just way too overprotective. It's warm outside. It isn't cold at all. Chill Out, would you?"

Ummm..NO....NO I WON'T CHILL OUT!

Conversation with Andrew:

"Andrew, Sam is going to be here in 2 hours to work on the video project. You need to get a shower and clean up your room before he gets here. You aren't getting the video camera until you've had a shower."

"I will. Get off my back."

Andrew gets reminded every 15 minutes until 12 pm...at which point Sam shows up and Andrew is still in his PJs and hasn't showered. We refuse to give him the video camera because he hasn't showered. He has a temper tantrum in front of his friend....he refuses to shower for another 45 minutes and makes a huge deal out of it.

When I ask my teens anything, I get sass, backtalk and a never-ending stream of discussions, arguing and headaches. I feel ... completely and totally exhausted beyond exhaustion simply from their shennanigans.

It really gets to be too much. We're in the position of really not having a break. Our nextdoor neighbors are a wonderful retired couple who raised 4 children. They regularly watch their grandchildren for overnight and weekend visits and...I'll just say it...we are jealous.

We kind of had to beg my mom to watch the kids so that we could go out to eat a couple of times for just a couple of hours. She is just busy and tired from working all of the time and she didn't want to watch kids. Several times, she expressed the desire to "do something". "Let's go to the grocery store or the mall or go and get my pictures developed or something" Finally, she told me that she has a much more active life than I do and that she doesn't know if it is because there isn't anything to do here or the kids hold us back.

Hmmmm.

I guess I just expected that she would come and nurture moi a little (I know...I'm a grown woman....I shouldn't have expected it.). Instead, I just felt inadequate for not being able to do things with her....and resentful for having to ask to be able to go out with Thomas for a couple of hours. It was a short visit and I know she is tired from working....I am not entitled to feeling upset...and yet....I am a little. I really, really need a break.

My nextdoor neighbor tells me "Kris, I raised 4 children. I know what you're going through. You're not alone. I had many years where I loved my children, but I just didn't like them. You will ge through it."

Waaah. I think that I might not!

Alex is doing...great. He is Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky and I worry that he isn't getting the attention that he needs from us because we're so busy putting out everyone else's fires. I'm so glad that he goes to KidStop and can have fun playing and interacting with his peers so he misses the driving and a lot of the drama...but I also feel like I am missing out on his childhood. He isn't unhappy to say the least...but I feel...a little unhappy about the situation.

Here it all is in a nutshell though:

With Andrew, it's the never-ending stream of assignments, projects and attitude that just won't stop. I never...EVER expected this from Andrew. He was always so easy-going and such a sweetheart. Now...katy bar the door. It's terrible.

Amanda is on the tweenercoaster. ifeelgreatlifeisgoodshehatesmeihateherlifesucksiha veapimpleyousuckihatethisfamily
sigh
Also, I got a call from her vice principal today that once again her grades have fallen. So...we got the mornings under control and she is no longer late. She is getting herself up 30 minutes before me to have a shower, she got a lead in the school play that was cast on Friday and things generally seem to be looking up...and then this.



up.
down.
up.
down.

Boohooo.

Aidan has outgrown his nap during the day...but he's still taking it. He has always had a nap from 1/1.30-4pm. Despite this, he has been pretty good about going to bed...until the last 2 months. Now, he still craves the afternoon nap but then can't get to sleep until 10.30 and sometimes 11 at night. I'm trying to shorten his afternoon nap and get him to bed early...but the result is a super-duper-crabby dude at dinner time. He whines, cries, has outbursts and is completely un-Aidan like! He needs his sleep. I know we just need to get through this.

Then, of course, there is Zoe, who only naps for roughly 30 minute/day and goes to bed at 8:30....but not without 20 minutes of hysteria. She is very busy during the day and of course needs a lot of attention and love.

I really...really need a break. Have I said that enough times yet?

I just think that it is impossible to work at this 'job' of mothering 24/7...to meet the demands and needs of the kids without a break. Thomas and I just don't have it and it just seems like there is no end in sight.

To top it off (for anyone who is still reading)...he wants his mom to come. We have fought about it and as a result he has avoided calling her. This resulted in a rather unfriendly phone message from her on our machine...and he's avoiding her again until he can tell her 'which date she can come...may or june'. My attitude is kind of...sure...may or june of 2020!

I just don't have the mental energy to deal with her right now. It would be different if she offered us a break...but I know she will criticize us, point out our weaknesses, argue with our children, and clean the house while she complains about it.

No. Thanks.

Though Thomas understands my resistance, he says "I know what you're saying. I don't disagree...but...she's my mom."

I do understand how he feels...but at the same time...I can't do it with her right now.

To end this on a funny note....My mom and I were pulling out of the Caribou parking lot, and this truck was in front of us. We laughed so hard we nearly cried. (Sorry if this offends some! ) Look carefully at the bumper sticker and the trailer hitch.

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