We're all crawling to the finish line....

Well, that's what the mom who pulled up behind my van said to me when we both arrived at preschool yesterday 20 minutes late. I had to look down and make sure I wasn't in my pajamas (not that it would have surprised her ) before responding.

Crawling is right....if she only knew! Thursday, Andrew had his last day of school. He fell asleep at 6pm the night before and I awoke at 3:30am to the sound of him leaping up our wooden staircase yelling "mom,mom,mom!". He threw open our door and ran to my side of the bed. "help. I had a night terror".

I got up and took him down to the kitchen and made him a strawberry milk while he told me about his terrible dream. It was truly awful. Once he was settled back down and had picked up a good book to read, I stumbled back up into bed and then...laid there for an hour and a half unable to fall back asleep. Eventually, I dozed off, but was awakened again by the sounds of Andrew and Amanda talking. He had gone into her room at 5:30am with his book about the interpretation of dreams and the two of them were sitting on her bed analyzing his dream.

I let it go...It's so nice to see them sharing with each other again. They had such a close bond when they were little, and they lost this as they hit puberty. I see that shifting again as they begin to share similar experiences and interests and it's a relief. So I laid in bed again listening to them talk and share about the dream and about middle school.

Before I knew it, it was time to get up and get everyone going.

True to form, on his last day of school Andrew missed the bus to school...I signed him up about 6 weeks ago when the cost of gas and my sanity were becoming issues. I had to drive him and then when we got there he said "oops, I forgot my ID card. I need lunch money." So...we ended the year just like we started, with me driving him and then rummaging through my purse to pull out $5 (the cost of a lunch at his school ) because he couldn't find his ID. Then when I got home, the phone rang: "Mom, I forgot my library book and my geography book. You have to go to my cubby and then bring them to me...my geography book is worth 10 points on my final and it all has to be turned in today!" I went to his cubby in our laundry room and found.....THREE geography books. I took them all in and the secretary recognized me immediately: "Andrew's saxophone?" "No. Just his geography book...It's worth 10 points on his final. Well, actually, there are three of them. Don't ask." "Hmmmm. Maybe he'll get 30 points! "

After turning everything in, I arrived 5 minutes late to pick up Aidan. His preschool teacher mentioned the potluck picnic on Tuesday for end the school year.

"Oh, I thought today was his last day. I didn't realize it was Tuesday."
"Umm. No, actually, tomorrow is his last day."
"Oh, yah...umm...yah...that's what I meant. Tomorrow" Ooops. I knew then I'd have to break it to Aidan that he had to get up for school just one more day. At least it gave me the chance to get his teacher a gift.

crawl. crawl. crawl.

Today I celebrated though. Andrew is done...Aidan is done...and we have a 3 day weekend. Next Friday is the end of the school year for the final two stragglers and then we can finally enjoy the nice weather. Amanda has to spend her final week taking tests, so she is really bummed...but Alex will have a week of fun and games.

No more homework. No more video projects to make me lose my mind! I am so happy to have this year behind us!

We made the decision to put Amanda back into our public middle school next year. She really wants to go back and we just can't see spending the money for her to be unhappy. She has pulled her grades up and has come such a long way emotionally and socially. I really see an incredible amount of positive change in her. I know that for the last few months in particular she really disliked her school. They are very strict and she hated it....but it was good for her. I just hope she can hold onto the changes that she has made.

When I look at her lately, I don't see a little girl anymore. I really see a young woman. I just can't believe it. She still has her moments of sass and backtalk, but she has really blossomed this year into a responsible, caring person. I feel really proud of her. Last week she also played a leading role in her school's Spring concert/musical...and she was awesome. Thomas and I were in awe...she's really talented...We felt so proud of her.

Thomas and I also started planning our first vacation since we got married. My mom has officially asked for the time off, so it feels real!

I have been walking an hour/day. I finally just gave up on dieting altogether and even though I'm still eating food...you know...no shakes, low carb, weight watchers, etc....I have still managed to lose 5 pounds. It feels really slow. It is really slow. That is hard for me because I love the instant gratification of losing weight more quickly. The only problem is that I always gain it back and then some.

I gained weight on the prednisone and I'm eager to have the weight off....but I am sick and tired of dieting and depriving myself of things and then binging and putting it back on. The more that I exercise, the less hungry I also feel lately. Even though I've only lost a minimal amount of weight, my clothes are fitting me differently and I can tell that my legs are gaining strength because the walking is becoming less difficult for me.

I've decided for myself to go back to school in the Fall...or to do some volunteering...I'm not sure what. I'm over the whole "I am my kid's mom" thing. I need to spend some time with other adults without children climbing all over me. I'm tired of having phone conversations where I have to hide in the garage to be heard, or of talking to someone while a screaming toddler creates a vaccuum of noise in the background. The Schwan's man will thank me, because I won't invite him in and talk his ear off....my kids will thank me because I'll be more evened out. It's just time.

I realized this when I started having a babysitter come. I just need time for me to do things that are valuable to me beyond being a mom. A week ago, my sitter was able to come for the entire day. It was like a slice of heaven. I read, studied, had lunch with Thomas, went to the bathroom in a public place without my 4 year old opening up the door to the bathroom stall exposing me to people waiting in line , had coffee, walked and just...had time.

Tonight, Thomas and I went out for dinner and then walked for an hour along the banks of the Mississippi River. He asked me what I value in my life besides him and the kids...and I couldn't think of anything...It finally occurred to me that the only thing in my life that I protect more than my family is...my Wednesday night girl's night out.

I met a couple of very nice women several months back and we now get together once a week for an evening of coffee, dirty jokes and parenting laughs. I would crawl there through a pit of fire ants if I had too.... I value friendships...I value time with other adults going through a similar phase of life....I am generaly speaking a very shy person and so building friendships can be difficult for me....the more that I get out though, the easier it is getting....and the more that I realize that I need kid-free time!

Here's to summer vacation:



Kris[/quote]