It's been awhile since I updated my blog. My laptop crashed a few weeks ago and it took me time to get it fixed. One new hard drive (a lot of money and tears later) I am starting off with a like-new Toshiba Satellite.

The bad news is that they are still trying to pull the data from my old hard drive (that they installed elsewhere). It is on the verge of death and they are pulling pictures and documents...slowly...painfully. I don't know what they will recover from that. Boohoo! My external hard drive was also totally shot to hell. After multiple attempts to recover years worth of pictures, they gave me the remains in a vacuum sealed baggy for me to send off either to the manufacturer or to a data salvage place. The manufacturer quoted me $1700 and I laughed my way through the rest of the conversation. I haven't contacted Salvage Data yet but judging from the website I'm looking at a $500 minimum.

For now, I'm trying to simply rebuild what I have. I have been pretty lucky about getting some of my pictures back. Angie reminded me that I had posted pictures in my blog so I know I can retrieve these by ordering a disk from photobucket. Phew. It isn't all of my pictures but at least I can recover a big chunk. Also, I had a picture disk from the time after Zoe was born. It was so important to me to have those pictures but the disk had an irreparable scratch in it. In a weird twist of fate, I found another picture disk where I had made some new photos but for some reason had not cleared my SD card before taking it in ... and...ALL of the pictures from her birth, etc were on it.

I got my laptop back today and spent this evening copying pictures onto my new hard drive (so that I can slow down my computer LOL).

So...boring computer issues aside...we dropped the kids off at German camp this afternoon and have kind of reveled in how easy it feels to *just* have two. Ahhh, perspective!

Andrew was pretty hesitant about leaving and was angry with me for forcing him but once he got settled into camp he was all hugs and smiles.

Andrew still mad that he was being forced to go to gaytard camp. Lord save me from this teenager!

Amanda was excited to go, but tonight she texted me for over an hour about how her roomate is restricting herself to 500 calories and has a "straight and perfect body" and now she feels uncomfortable that she is getting "curvy". Sigh. Maybe this was a BAD idea after all. The only thing that I know for sure is that she did eat all of her meals today. I filled her up multiple times before we left and she even asked for more food after eating a huge breakfast. She is also drinking 3 Ensure plus shakes/day. I don't want to see things go in the wrong direction for her. I can see that she is still struggling and I have to figure out whether or not it will be a good thing emotionally for her to stay. With the meals that she will be eating (all pre-arranged with the cook) and ensure shakes at each meal (and counselors watching her eat) I am not concerned that she won't get the nutrition that she needs over the next few days. I AM however concerned about what the influence of another child engaged in restricting behaviors/exercise might do to her at this point in the game.

Shit, shit, shit. Nothing is ever easy, is it?


Amanda setting up her bunk.


Alex was super-happy to go to camp and I haven't heard a peep out of him since he got there. He couldn't wait to meet up with old friends and as soon as they saw him he ran off. I could barely say good-bye!


Alex thrilled to have the bottom bunk this year!

The little ones are thrilled to be alone with us. Aidan is being so nice to Zoe and they played so nicely together today. It is sooo different just having the two of them at home!


Being silly for the camera...

So...I know it seems out of place to discuss , my weight issues and need to lose weight in the middle of my daughter's struggle to gain weight, but ... it is what it is.

Before we took Amanda in and got her diagnosed I started noticing her food issues. I began feeling like maybe she was dieting out of a fear of turning into me. I remember looking at my mom (who was overweight) and not understanding why she couldn't just get a grip and lose the weight. sigh. karma and all of that jazz. I was up to the highest weight that I have ever been and so after doing a lot of soul searching I decided to start weighing in once a week at my doctor's office so that I could motivate myself to stick with something and be healthy about it. That was in May.

I have lost 25 pounds so far.

I know it sounds like a lot, but ... I have a long way to go. I was feeling really so much stronger and better about myself until Thomas took a picture of me today. He wanted for me to see how much better I look now, but I was absolutely shocked by how AWFUL I look. I am feeling better physically than I have in years. I can't believe that I have lost 25 pounds and that I am still this overweight. I know it is a step in the right direction, and ... I won't let it get me down...but...I wish I could fast forward a few months and be even smaller.

So here is one of the pictures that I consider to be a *gulp* before picture. It was taken on Zoe's birthday and seeing it in print was one of my aha moments to get me on track:



Here is my picture from today. Someone please, please tell me that you see a difference. I truly and honestly see NONE. How could I lose 25 pounds and there be no difference???




All evening I have told myself that it doesn't matter. I'm getting healthier and I feel better and that is what matters...but deep down, I want so much to lose the weight not just for health reasons....