I bought this book (The secret of lobsters) at B&N on a buy 2 get one free special. For whatever reason, I decided to buy 3 science-oriented books. Forget that I am not remotely interested right now and can’t pass the first chapters of any of them. The Shack? Definitely interesting. Firefly Lane? I cried. The Secret of Lobsters? Why? Why did Trevor Corson write this book except to make me feel inadequate. Here I am with a science degree and I can’t even pretend privately that I care anymore about the evolution, ecology or life span of …pretty much anything. Please…please don’t make me think too hard.
Actually, today I was even thinking that intelligence tests should be geared specifically towards the population that they are testing. Sure, a doctor has the opportunity to consider the Sotomayer nomination and they are probably completely up-to-speed on who the chancellor is in Germany (for example)…but what about the exhausted mom who knows everything there is to know about the Breastflow bottle from The First Years, or can argue the merits of Montessori vs. mainstreem preschool? Sure, we seem like a sad bunch and we probably don’t get the credit we deserve because some of us wear socks with our sandles and seem more versed in baby poop and potty training than presidential politics…but…perhaps we are simply immersed in that which is important in our lives at this time? But really…do I have to keep up with everything else too? I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast today…let alone figure out which politician has had an affair or has been nominated to the Supreme Court!
Andrew, Amanda and Alex have been at German Camp since Sunday afternoon at 3pm. By 10PM, I had received multiple text messages from Amanda and phone calls from Andrew. They were miserable and wanted to come home. I didn’t sleep at all. By 4:30AM I decided to get up. I had to weigh in at 8:30 and I knew that there was no way I could get up if I fell asleep so late. At my 8:30 weigh-in, I discovered that I have lost a total of 28 pounds since the end of April (Yay!). Then I went home and slept from 9-11 with Zoe and Aidan watching cartoons in the bed next to me.
Monday was…hard. I was tired and the day felt very long. On top of it, Amanda texted me almost constantly to tell me what was happening. Her roomate is restricting her calories to 500/day and even accused Amanda of being fat. Amanda started *feeling* fat again and questioning her curves. I thought about picking her up and bringing her home. She is so thin and is finally, finally doing better with her eating and self-esteem. I didn’t know if exposing her to this little girl was the best thing. I was afraid that it would set her back and that we would find ourself having to start over. All day long, I worried.
And…Andrew kept calling me all. day. long. “Mom, pick me up. Please pick me up. I am miserable. Please.” When I stopped taking his calls, he started calling Thomas at work. It broke my heart and frustrated me at the same time. He is … 14 … and every transition, every change, every social interruption is met with this level of anxiety. By 10pm, I was so tired that I was near tears, but the phone rang and it was Andrew panicking…begging me to please, please pick him up because he didn’t fit in and was miserable.
I got out of bed, drove to McDonalds, picked up Oreo McFlurries and snuck out to the camp. I made it in at 10:20 and was looking for the kids when the camp director spotted me. LOL. She and I had a chance to talk and she told me how much Amanda has grown up and changed this year and how proud she was that Amanda was able to ignore her roomate and do what she needs to do to take care of herself. She eats everything served to her and all of her snacks. Go Amanda Go!
Andrew, she confided in me, was frankly miserable. She let me spend 15 minutes alone with them before lights out. Andrew’s eyes were filled with tears and he was clearly feeling very anxious. After he finished his snack, he seemed calmer and ready to return to his room…and…I didn’t hear from him at all today. There wasn’t a single phone call! I hope that he had a good day. Of course, it’s 2:30 in the morning and I can’t sleep again because I can’t stop thinking about all 3 of them and worrying.
Alex, of course, is having a fabulous time. I haven’t heard a peep from him since he left and Amanda said he is so busy enjoying himself that SHE barely sees him. Now I feel guilty though for not worrying about him with the same verocity that I have worried about Andrew and Amanda. I thought sending them to camp would give me a break. Instead, it just confirms that I need to buy several acres of land, build on it and then save land for each of the kids to build their homes on when they grow older. We are the Maths….Family forever is our rule…sigh…I wish they were home already…