Someone posted this on one of the infertility boards that I belong to. Given all the talk the last few days about some parents and the way they treat their children I thought it was appropriate.
thoughts of an infertile woman the majority of mothers out there don't realize how damn lucky they are. i really would love to be covered in spit up and to be woken up in the middle of the night by my baby's cries. my body is not my own any more. that book my mom read me on how baby's are born is crock o shit. no, there are no romantic nights with candles or slow dancing to make this baby. we get to sit in a waiting room full of other couples who are scared shitless too. we don't even get to be together for this. dh has to go to a room full of porn looking at other women to give his specimen while i get to put my legs in stirrups. now, if that all occurred in the same room, now that would be a wild way to get a baby, but no. i also get to have a shot every day for weeks. there's nothing sexy about having to pinch fat for dh to plunge a sharp needle into. we also don't get this baby for free like so many others. we have to spend a lot of money to make our dreams come true. we're hoping for the two for one deal. 20k times 2, 3, or 4 is too much. even after all that effort and humilation we may not even get a baby when all is said and done. after that, then what? adoption - we get to be interviewed by social workers who get to decide if we are fit parents. its easier for someone who beats their kids senseless to keep a child of their own, but someone who has worked for years helping children has to fight to get her own child. where is the fairness in that? then we may get a child at the end of it, but there's a chance that the child could be taken away from us because of some sort of legal technicality. heck, maybe we'll get a lifetime movie made out of our stories. fun!! oh, we also get judged by others whether our decision to pursue assistive reproduction is right or not. others think those aren't real babies. others think it was god's plan not to give us our own baby. i get to feel pain each and every time someone asks us when we are going to start a family. damn it - we are a family now. we are more of a family than so many others bc we have survived so many struggles that would have destroyed many families. i've started not even mentioning i'm marrried bc i know the whole baby question will follow. i so want to say, "when was the last time you had sex?" there's no recognition that what i have is a disease. there's so much sympathy for people with other diseases. people march and raise money for them. is anyone marching for us? is anyone speaking at congress for us? its someone's right to choose not to have a child, but i feel like i don't have a right to choose to have a child. i don't get it. oh, and for the first time in my life i am lumped in the same group as criminals. they say that these women kidnap children bc they were infertile or had lost a child. why in the world would i want someone to endure the same pain as me? i don't wish this on anyone. well, i do wish this on the women who would abuse their children, but ironicially those are the ones that get knocked up easily. so, despite all this i plug along. i still go to classes and work. i haven't forgotten how to smile even if i do have to cry in the car or the bathroom at times. i will act gleeful when people happily announce their pregnancies because i still have hope that it will someday be me. i haven't given up on god even if my beliefs have changed a bit. and even though right now i think life does really suck, there is still dh's back rubs and double chocolate donuts.