Becoming a Stay-At-Home Dad by Matt Black
The decision to have children during medical school or residency is a tremendously personal one. My wife and I discussed it, and we came to the conclusion that it would be best if we waited until the “perfect time” to have children. Needless to say about a month after we had said discussion, we were pregnant with our first child.
Upon this discovery, we discussed what we would do for childcare. Neither of us was very excited about the fact that we would have to place our child in the hands of someone (non-family) for the majority of the day. Then we looked at our schedules and our budget and decided that for the benefit of our kids they needed a parent at home. Since my doctor wife was in the process of becoming a professional and also owing thousands of dollars that we could not just start to repay, the choice was obvious: I began my “new job” in June of 2000, and since then I have become a more rounded person. Our son is thriving in an environment that we can control. We don�t have to worry about whether he is getting the attention or independence that he needs. Since this time we have also started to enlarge our family. We are expecting our second son in April. This was a decision that we made after we moved to begin residency.
The only problem was scheduling of when the baby was to be born; along with the scheduling of what rotations/services to get out of the way before taking maternity leave. Oh yeah, and the scheduling of actually trying to get pregnant! This was much more of a chore than what we had planned; all the scheduling can leave you drained and not exactly sure of what will happen in coming months. We wanted to try and have about two and a half to three years between our children. In April of 2002 we began the process only to succeed in mid-July. This was great for us, but terrible for my wife since the next year’s schedule had already come out. She had to change nearly all of her months of service into inpatient months which meant Q-4 (not too bad) and only 4 days off a month (pretty tough with a toddler at home). She set up her month of delivery with an easy, no call service that is finished with daily work at noon. We can see the end of the tunnel!
In my opinion, it is much harder for women to deal with having to work after having a baby. For a man, there is paternity time off, and then it is back to the same grind. But it is much different for women. We decided that my wife would take the full amount of time allowed by the Family Medical Leave Act, which is a full three months off. What that will mean for us is great and terrible. We will get to spend time together as a complete family with our newest edition without interruptions. The days will be filled with newness and some old routines. The bad part of this is the pay; she will be paid the total amount of time she has accrued through the year of sick days and all her vacation pay. It figures to be all of about 37 days of pay. Needless to say we have been pinching our pennies since we found out we were having another baby.
Having a baby during residency has required much more thought about the process of having a baby instead of the idea of having a baby. I realize that hundreds have done it, and maybe I am being pitiful, but it will be nice to be finished. I have spent my fair share of time with the OB’s office coordinating schedules for appointments. Can having a baby during residency be done? Sure, it just takes lots of planning, scheduling, communicating, headaches, tolerance and love.
