Finding The Right Childcare Provider by Brandon Knight

The fax spits out the last of three pages as I grab the sheets thanking the attendant. With ten minutes to boarding the plane I have time to call my dear friend who sent me the Classified add. Cell phone in one ear, fax in the other, I initiate the call as I race toward the gate.

“I got it thanks.” “Do you see the starred ones? Those are the ones that we think are your first call, especially the French one.” “Which one?” I try looking at the fax and the departure board simultaneously, finding both my gate and the add. “Damn!” “What you don’t like the French one?” “No my gates all the way at the end of the corridor.” I can hear the soft giggle at the end of the line. Why is it that the cellular service is really clear when someone is laughing at me I think? “Well you should call her first, then the others.” I’m beginning to perspire and huffy just a bit. “Got it. Hey thanks…I mean this is really great.”

I click off just as I reach the gate. The steward is already boarding people. I look at my watch, time for two quick phone calls. I approach the door hand over my ticket and photo I.D. and am ushered down the gangplank. Quickly I dial the number and on the second ring the potential Nanny picks up.

“Allo?” Got to be the right one with that accent. “Hello is Ms. Antoine there?” I struggle to keep the tiny sculpted and eye pleasing cell phone wedged between my shoulder and chin as I gently toss my computer bag in the overhead. “Yes it is may I help you?” Great got the right one. Quickly I rescan the faxed add. “French, Professional Nanny, English speaking, seeks FT, Live-out position. Ten years experience, Drivers license. Avail. Immed. Call.” Manna from heaven and she has her own car. I start the introductions slowly not to be so enthusiastic.

“This is Mr. Knight and I’m responding to an add placed in the Greenwich Times. I am looking for a full time nanny to look after my two daughters ages 10 and 7.” There is a long pause so I fill in the empty space. My wife works long hours and I do mostly. We have a lovable black Labrador dog, and live in a lovely French Normandy house with two acres. I can sense by her pause that I have to up the ante so I emphasis French Normandy, her being French it can’t hurt.

“Oh I love French Normandy houses.” I smile as the flight attendant starts her safety speech. I don’t have much time. “I see here that you own your own car?” “Yes.” “Well we would pay for gas of course.” I throw another chip on the table. “And we are most keen to offer college course benefits as well as traveling with the family. I take my two girls to Paris and Nice every year. It is so important that they learn French.” Ms. Antoine agrees noting that French really is the universal language. I have little time so I ask her to come tomorrow when I fly back into Greenwich if she has the time. She thanks me politely telling me that the atmosphere sounds lovely. I am relieved and start to tell her where I live when she politely interrupts. “I’m sorry but I’ve just taken another position.” Damn! She sounded pleasant and perfect. Now I have two dilemmas. First the attendant is going to ask me firmly to shut my cell phone off. Second do I cross the ethical boundary and try and hire her away. It takes one second to make the decisions.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” I speak to her in French, lacing my voice with deep regret. “It’s just that you sounded so…pleasant and competent.” We banter for a moment and she agrees to at least stop by tomorrow to see the home and the children. I thank her politely; give her the address and power down my phone as the plane begins to taxi. In the air during the flight I read all the other adds which seem very similar to me. All emphasis English speaking, experience with children, and immediate placement. I start to think about the interviews and the questions I will ask, as I have become an expert over the years, having had both great and horrific Nannies. I know what is important to my wife, even to the children and me. So I take out my notebook and start to distill the ten top questions.

1. Are you a psychopath? Although I would never ask that question it is the foundation to the interview as I try to sift out potential character flaws. I have had Nanny Agencies who normally or supposedly do this type of homework for you: Credential checking, police verification, ect… But I have found that they are no better than I am and consider them White Slavers anyway. In fact the worst Nannies I have had have come from three agencies. So I rephrase the question. “What do you believe are you’re best and worst character traits? Usually I get typical answers glorifying themselves while glossing over any faults. Sometimes I get a zinger of a response like one young girl who told me of her ability to take control of any situation. Like the time the CIA put her and her friends in a plane without any training and told them to fly it. She of course did and if it wasn’t for the other girl they would have never crashed in the dessert. Ah huh I see.

2. Can you tell me what you do to discipline the children: This I believe is a forthright question. If the nanny says locking them in the garage until they stop screaming with fear, which by the way happened, I quickly end the interview. If she responds that she enforces whatever my disciplinary structure is then we move on to the next questions. It is important that the Nanny knows what is and is not acceptable. For us it’s timeouts in the room and a discussion afterward with the parent.

3. How do you feel about doing other chores while the children are at school: If they are like one nanny that liked to go to the beach or take my cars for private joy rides I politely end the discussion. If they don’t object to doing other duties then I feel that I have a candidate that we can work with. Flexibility I have found is an integral part of the job.

4. After work what typically do you do: This is a fascinating question that gives tremendous insight to the nannies psyche. One would like to take additional college courses, another liked to go out with friends, and still another would change her appearance and go to the nearest biker bar. I feel it’s the right of every parent to try and identify the lifestyle of the nanny to see if it’s compatible with your own. I know of one case where a nanny brought home two uninvited male guests late at night to “Just have some fun with.”

5. Do you have any problem with your license: As far as checking I have found most local police departments helpful sometimes scarily so. “There is a warrant for her arrest for grand theft auto and check fraud.” You wouldn’t believe that a girl that sweet could do such things but it happens.

6. Are you religious: We are and to some degree most are. I ask this question because I wish to make certain that my children grow up as tolerant kids but don’t wish to have a practicing occultist in my home.

7. Do you have any problems having me call your former employers: This is important. Even if her last position didn’t end amicably it is only fair to find out the reasons. Sometimes people just don’t mesh.

8. Can you spend some time with the kids: I have found that children on the whole are very insightful. Besides if they are going to spend most of the part of the home time with your children they should have a chance to play with the nanny. Frankly the best nannies are the ones they have liked best.

9. Can I tell you what a typical day is like: Usually I go through the job description in great and painstaking detail outlining not only the day but also what I see as the potential hardships, like driving to multiple areas for after school activities or cooking food you know the kids don’t like.

10. What salary are you seeking: I’ve paid the entire range of wages and I believe that there is no correlation between salary and competency.

11. Is there anything you liked to ask me: This is a telling question. If they are naturally inquisitive and have a genuine desire for the job usually it comes out here. It’s only fair for the nanny to have a chance to ask.

After ten years of searching and hiring Nannies these are the most important questions that I can come up with. Generally they have served me well but still its one gigantic crapshoot. Even after this scrub down things do happen.