So, I have thought about starting a journal for a long time now, but well, just haven't...I think that it might be healthy to get out some of my thoughts though....
Where to start....
We have 3 boys and I love them all to pieces, it's busy and crazy sometimes, but I wouldn't change a thing!
So, after Alexander was born I had an IUD put in (SUPER fertile) to avoid any issues during DH's last year..anyway it fell out (gotta say that made me feel kinda "inadequate") and our OB gyn said that we couldn't get another reinserted until another month...we were really really careful that month becuase of our history ...plus DH has been studying every night and I go to bed so that I don't distract him. Anyway sex 2 times the entire month and we used protection. I go to call Ob last week and am SHOCKED when a pregnancy test comes back +.....No sleep for days and UBER stressed with a lot of tears, I have a repaired heart condition and have been admitted with all 3 kiddos, who is going to take care of 3 we currently have while I have to lay on my butt in hospital? We still don't know where we are going to fellowship yet, but know that it will be the month I would be due, blah blah blah. I started to bleed a little the next day and after seeing OB was told that it was a miscarriage, ..they suck!!! A LOT...so for the last week I have been crying about the baby that we won't have and really weren't planning on. DH is sweet and wonderful, but sooo doesn't get it. I finally talked to him last night (he hasn't been here when any of us have been awake for 6 days now) and his reply is that it was never a baby,. just a potential and why am I so upset, and I am doing this to myself and stop driving myself crazy...blah blah. Maybe I am crazy....at least now I know why I was so horrible about everything a few weeks ago....hormones.
Three of my really close friends are desperatly trying to have babies and have been for at least a year, I don't feel it is fair to talk to them about any of this and DH is bit useless on this front. I want to stop feeling guilty and upset, but haven't found the right path yet...maybe over Christmas.
Boys are excited about Christmas and baby is cute with the lights and "stuff" will be nice to spend some time with DH over the holidays, we need time to reconnect before the craziness of the final 6 months...I hope that I can be strong enough for all 5 of us....
Where to start....
We have 3 boys and I love them all to pieces, it's busy and crazy sometimes, but I wouldn't change a thing!
So, after Alexander was born I had an IUD put in (SUPER fertile) to avoid any issues during DH's last year..anyway it fell out (gotta say that made me feel kinda "inadequate") and our OB gyn said that we couldn't get another reinserted until another month...we were really really careful that month becuase of our history ...plus DH has been studying every night and I go to bed so that I don't distract him. Anyway sex 2 times the entire month and we used protection. I go to call Ob last week and am SHOCKED when a pregnancy test comes back +.....No sleep for days and UBER stressed with a lot of tears, I have a repaired heart condition and have been admitted with all 3 kiddos, who is going to take care of 3 we currently have while I have to lay on my butt in hospital? We still don't know where we are going to fellowship yet, but know that it will be the month I would be due, blah blah blah. I started to bleed a little the next day and after seeing OB was told that it was a miscarriage, ..they suck!!! A LOT...so for the last week I have been crying about the baby that we won't have and really weren't planning on. DH is sweet and wonderful, but sooo doesn't get it. I finally talked to him last night (he hasn't been here when any of us have been awake for 6 days now) and his reply is that it was never a baby,. just a potential and why am I so upset, and I am doing this to myself and stop driving myself crazy...blah blah. Maybe I am crazy....at least now I know why I was so horrible about everything a few weeks ago....hormones.
Three of my really close friends are desperatly trying to have babies and have been for at least a year, I don't feel it is fair to talk to them about any of this and DH is bit useless on this front. I want to stop feeling guilty and upset, but haven't found the right path yet...maybe over Christmas.
Boys are excited about Christmas and baby is cute with the lights and "stuff" will be nice to spend some time with DH over the holidays, we need time to reconnect before the craziness of the final 6 months...I hope that I can be strong enough for all 5 of us....
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