The rest is still unwritten...

My turn to jump in here. I keep another blog for my paper craft creations, but it gets so bogged down with projects it leaves little space for blogging.

At this moment I am regretting buying the girls Nintendo DSs. All they want to do is play with those things. They use them at breakfast, on the way to school, and want to grab them first thing when they get home. I think I have deprived them of normal video games for so long it's like crack for them They have only had leapsters and Vsmile in the past.

Mackenzie, my oldest who is nine is really having issues at school with math. Her school has their big standardized tests in about a month and she is really struggling. She has never had school problems and excels at all other subjects, she reads at a 7th grade level and is only in 3rd grade. She is going to tutoring each week. I will be so glad when the tests are over.


Ryleigh is doing as well as she can. For those who don't know, she has severe eccentric amblyopia in her right eye and nearsightness with astigmatism in the left. She has been wearing contact lenses for 7 months- she is only six and is required to patch her eye four hours a day during the week and as much as possible on the weekends. It is very hard on her.

Not a great day

So, today is our 10 year wedding anniversary and DH had this great romantic evening planned for us tonight. Only problem is that his son, my stepmonster was supposed to be here to watch the girls. He lives about 45 minutes away and has been MIA for the last day or so. I think its a big plan to ruin my day. That would be so like him.

It's bad enough that we were supposed to be in Italy right now as my DH has been promising for years, but now we can't even have this one night? That just totally blows

What a week so far

So, DH has been in the Florida Keys since last Friday. I am so tired of the trips he makes down there to go fly fishing with his "man crush" friend Justin. He took up fly fishing a couple of years ago and has been obssessed with it ever since. It is very frustrating. Most days off and vacation time is spent with either in Florida, Montana or up in Northern Michigan. What ever happened to family time?? Makes me reminiscent of Brokeback Mountain except the fact that Justin's fiancee is down there with them and lives with Justin.

Soooo, with Dh being gone til Friday I have been a busy little housewife. I booked our cruise for August and I am so excited! We sail from Barcelona for a 7 day cruise to Messina, Naples, Florence, Rome, and Nice. I actually found a Nanny for 10 days for the girls. I also made final arrangements for the flooring guys to come in and rip out my cracking ceramic tile and put in my travertine floors all 500 sq ft of it!

Today I Re-did the bedroom, wanted something more calming so I went in shades of blue. I still have artwork issues to deal with. I love my painting that's in there but it went with the old decor, and can't figure out what to do with it.





[/img]

Being a Parent SUCKS sometimes

I don't talk about him much, mainly due to shameful embarrassment. I feel so guilty for not being in his life more than I have. Maybe if I actually lived in the same state as him I would have been able to see his drug use at the age of 15. Now 4 years later, my son Ryan is an unmotivated, pot smoking, criminal with a long record.

This morning-3 AM- The phone rings. Collect call. I deny. 3:20 Another call, this time from a friend of his telling me he's in jail and can I bail him out? I tell the friend he has to just sit in jail. 3:40- Another call, this one from his Grandmother, my ex's mother who is a Holy rolling, speaking in tongues preacher, calling to inform me my son is in jail and was there anything I could do? I tell her no and that i am tired of bailing him out left and right. She says "Honey, I just want to tell you, we all appreciate you, we love you. Ryan always does better when he's around you" I tell her thanks, but he's a grown man now and needs to start making the right decisions for his life and then hang up.

Of course, the right of my sleep is restless only to get a call from his lawyer and bailbondsman. I cave and pail the bail. Why do I do this? Why do I enable him? Of course his Dad just called me to tell me not to bail him out and to just let him sit in jail for a few months. Too late...

How do I get through to him? He came here to Ohio for a few months in December to detox from ex-tacy and pot so he could pass a urine test and have a clean start. He refuses to give up his 15 year old girlfriend who he has been having sex with for over a year-YUCK! She is a life sucking cancer on him. She is a druggie and is pure white trash. Her parents think me son hangs the moon. I tried to get him to stay, live here and start school, but he won't.

He suffers from panic attacks and refuses to hold a steady job, always calling in sick. I can't believe he is my son, and I don't know what to do for him anymore...

I'm getting excited

My baby boy, not the one who has given me so much trouble, will be 17 in 8 days. If that's not cool enough, he will be here in 16 days!!! I haven't seen him since November and the last time I did, he looked like this:


This was his second open heart surgery for repair of a membranous sub-aortic stenosis. His first surgery was at 5 years old and we thought that was it. As he grew the growth regrew and attached to his aortic valve. Although he has some damage to the valve we are hopeful that no further surgery will be needed.

What can I say about this kid? He is polar opposite from his brother. He is a straight A student, loves his church, has an awesome group of friends, plays keyboard and bass guitar, is compassionate,loyal and just an all around cool kid. He plans to attend college next fall near Dallas with aspirations of being a film maker. He is recieving an award this week from the media department at his high school for a short film he created. So proud of him. He is going to intern with his uncle in production this summer so I only get him for a couple weeks. We are taking him with us to the Keys as he has never been to Florida. I am always excited to see him but this year I really, really, really am. The girls haven't seen him in such a long time, they are counting down the days!

Tears on my pillow

I could have entitled this so many things, but this is how I fell asleep last night and how I awoke. The past few weeks have been harrowing to say the least. It has been busy and dramatic.

We vacationed in the Keys and all was great aside from a confrontation with one of DH's friends who seems to believe he knows more about me and my Dh than I do. I didn't shed a tear. Return from vacation to find that my Father died that morning. Back down to Texas to deal with family and the ghosts from childhood that haunt me every day. Our family will never be the same as my brother chooses to live in denial. Shed only a few tears. This week I stood up for what I believed, and in my own way let out all the pent up anger and feeling that I have. I'm not the kind to let too much build up without blowing. It's not healthy. I have never pretended to be anything else than what I am. What you see is what you get. I tell it like it is. I refuse to enable or sugarcoat. Because of this, I lost every friend that I have. I have not stopped crying.



It's not that I regret what I did. I stand by my position. What I cry over is that I put so much into relationships to have people that I most love turn their backs on me. It has taken me 10 years since I moved to Ohio to develop friendships worth maintaining. I found a group of women that I was comfortable with who shared my interests. They are all gone now without hearing my side of the issue. That really doesn't matter as my side is what it is. They will see it how they want and nothing else.



Its extremely difficult to wake up knowing you are alone. Aside from DH who has been extremely supportive and compassionate, I am alone. Him and the girls are the only thing between me and the entire bottle of Ativan beside my bed. I have no idea of what to do. I just want to go away. Montana seems like Paradise to me right now. Anything sounds good, just take me away from here..... In the meantime I will continue to change the pillowcases.

I have been so out of the loop

I can't believe that I have been walking around not aware that Matchbox Twenty released a new song. Me who claimed to be one of their biggest fans has been living in a cave.
We are now down to 9 days before we leave and Don is finally getting excited about this. He went shopping yesterday and spent way too much on clothes so he can fit in with all the Italians. I don't think he will have a problem as he has always looked Mediterranean to me. Sometimes (who am I kidding, most times) I look at him and wonder how I lucked out and married such a good looking man.
I keep stressing out on the temps in Italy. It has been sooo hot and I do not handle heat well. I don't want to look like a stupid tourist with a misting fan but I may have to resort to it. Hopefully our pictures won't feature me with a big frown in all of them. My poor puppy is on to something. I think he knows we are planning to go somewhere. He sits around all day just staring at me very depressed.


In other news, I have still not made amends with my best friend. What makes the situation even touchier is that she still owes me $3200 from a loan that I gave her to keep her and her family from losing her house back in January. I know that her and her husband have had many opportunities to pay me back since then. I hate the thought of taking her to court but I don't want to be walked on any more. I now recommend to anyone not to loan friends money, no matter how close you think you are.

Bonjourno!!

We are back from Italy and I am so happy and blessed to have visited such a beautiful country with even more beautiful and charming people. I wish we could have stayed longer and promise to return soon and stay longer. My heart belongs to my family and now also to Tuscany. Those who have not had the honor of visiting the region have not experienced tranquility and beauty beyond compare. I would truly retire to a small house with an italian garden overlooking olive and lemon trees and acres of vineyards if given the opportunity.

This trip gave Don and I a chance to reconnect and explore not only new places, but new horizons where our marriage is concerned. We also found what in our opinion is the best way to travel. Luxury cruising has totally spoiled us and we have discerned that this will be the only way we sail from here on out. In fact we planned another voyage the next day after we arrived home. We will be taking the girls on a Carribbean cruise for New Years and a Hawaiian cruise for next summer. We are extremely excited.

Unfortunately we are back home again and now the school routine is back. It is great to have some quiet time during the day to catch up on all the projects that have been put on the backburner. Time to get refocused on my own personal goals which include not to waste this school year away feeling unfulfilled. If someone could tell me how to do this I would love any feedback.





More pics can be seen at http://s170.photobucket.com/albums/u255/trisha2486/

Must be hormones....and the fact that I can't have any more babies. Solution??? More puppies! Like I need a hole in the head. However, my DD will be 10 next week and this is all she wanted. Meet Skittles....



He is 4 months old and only about 2.5lbs. He won't get too much bigger. I am such a sucker, but I thought this poor puppy needed to be rescued. The seller in my opinion did not take good care of him. He has a horrible overbite and he has what I hope is only flea dermatitis but in the back of my mind I think it may be mange. We will find out tomorrow.

I love the fact my DH let's me have whatever I want as far as pets. As long as its not a cat he is happy, lol. He is yet to meet this one but I'm sure he will love him.

Found this pic of us in all the cruise pics. Love this because DH looks so relaxed and well rested. He's such a hottie IMHO.

Re: The rest is still unwritten...

What a yucky day here in Central Ohio. It's so cloudy but not yet autumn like yet. I wish it would just get here already! It's been a busy week. Mackenzie and I have been busy making bracelets for her school fall festival this weekend. For those who don't know, she is 10 years old and has started two non-profit organizations. Her NPO S.A.D. (Stop Arctic Defrosting), is raising money to donate to the Columbus Zoo's new Arctic Exhibit that will bring Polar bears and other inhabitants to Central Ohio to educate people of their impending endangerment due to Global warming. I am extremely proud of her but my hands are tired. I'm hoping she has a good turnout. You can learn more by visiting her website athttp://www.stoparcticdefrosting.org

In addition, I got a wild hair up my butt to change our cruise this December to a WDW vacation. I think the girls will like this so much better and does not require me to rush for passports for them. Also if DH has to return early due to work, then he can fly back and our trip will be just fine. I am tired of making plans around his schedule

Otherwise life is good. Trying to still housetrain the new puppy-not too successful and now the other dog thinks its fine to go in the house now-YUCK! Here's hoping we can train him before it gets too cold when it will be impossible. :banghead:

Re: The rest is still unwritten...

I can't believe how cold it has gotten all of a sudden. Snowflakes this morning on the way to taking the girls to school. Winds yesterday making it down-right bitter. I dread this time of year because I develop Seasonal Affective Disorder. I get it every fall and winter. Usually frequent trips to the tanning salon helps but my skin pays dearly for it. I can't see sitting in front of a light box for hours.

I can't wait for our trip to Disney after Christmas this year. It makes the holidays this year seem more bearable. I never thought not having relatives around was such a big deal growing up, but now that I have kids of my own, its blindingly apparent. The girls have no cousins, no aunts, and only a couple uncles who haven't been around in years. All but one grandparent is gone and even though she is their grandmother, she is mean to children and I won't have them around her.

So another wonderful season of living in the dark by ourselves.

On a brighter note, my youngest son is a senior this year and just got his SAT scores back. Back when we took the exam a perfect score was 1600. Now they added another segment at the perfect score is 2400. So when he called to tell me I screamed: 2259!!!!!! Of course he could go to any school he wants but has chosen to atten the University of North Texas in Denton. They have an awesome Media Tech department and he wants to go to film school. I am so proud of him I could just bust a gut!

Re: The rest is still unwritten...

It has been forever, but I am still here. All of the family is doing well, and the girl's are doing well in school. Mackenzie qualified for the district Spelling Bee and even though she didn't win we were extremely proud of her.
We all had a great winter vacation at Disney World. The crowds were insane but it was awesome. They got dressed up like Princesses at the Bippity Boppity Boutique. That really lasted for about how long it took the pictures, then the entire outfits and makeup came off. So much for girly.
In just 6 weeks from now we will be returning to the World for Spring Break/Easter wither my son Alex and his girlfriend. Can't wait.

I have been keeping busy out here in hick-town with Girl Scout activities. Its cookie time and my little troop of six Brownies sold over 800 boxes. I am so proud of them. I didn't know that I would enjoy being a leader as much as I am. I am in a rut as far as my creativity lately. I am hoping that an event I am attending in April will help, otherwise I will be giving up the whole scrapbooking hobby all together.

I had lunch with a friend that I had not seen for about 9 months. It was so good to see her. It's a shame that I don't get to see the people I was close with for the last 4 years because of actions in the past. It's a bummer when those friends move on without you, but you can't expect them to stand still. Its been difficult to make new friends. I'm at the point where I just want DH to find a new job somewhere else, this little town is just unbearable. If you didn't grow up here they treat you like an alien.

On a more positive note, my youngest son Alex who will graduate in four months called me last night with good news. He was accepted to the South by Southwest film festival in Austin. I don't know too much about it but apparently they only pick 30 film entries and any age can enter. This is going to look so awesome on his college apps for film school. This is the video he submitted:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRbMa0m8oto

Re: The rest is still unwritten...

I am so not a good blogger. I just can't get into anything lately. I have been hurting on a near daily basis for the last few months. All of my joints, especially my knees are killing me. Bad patient that I am I am finally getting bloodwork done to rulle out RA and Lupus. Two weeks ago I fell down a flight of stairs when my knee gave out. I thought all the way down that I cannot break my tailbone again so I tried to stay on my side. Result-Huge hematoma on my ass and wrenched shoulder and elbow. I am the biggest klutz ever.

Took the girls and my youngest son and his GF to Disney over spring break. Loads of fun but tiring for me. I definately need a break. I am leaving this week for North Carolina for an Inspired Artist workshop. 4 days just for me!! All is going according to plan despite having to rush to find new flight arrangements after Skybus folded this week. Bummer!, but I am not letting negative thoughts cloud my mind. It's all part of my conversion to Buddhism. It is a daily struggle to abandon previous beliefs and practice new ways, but it feels like what I am supposed to do.

On a happy note, I just got the best pic in my email-My baby all grown up!

Re: The rest is still unwritten...

It's been so long since I have updated this. The girls and I just returned from Texas for Alex's graduation and it was a whirlwind trip. I am so proud of him. He starts school in the fall soing a two-step with TTC-UTA that will place him in high standing in the UTA media program in 2 years. He has 12 semester hours even before he starts so thats awesome.

It's been nearly a year and a half since I have seen my oldest son Ryan. He left here after we tried to rehab him from his drug use and was not in the greatest shape having panic attacks several times daily. The difference in him now is dramatic. He no longer is using X and although I hate it he still smokes the occasional joint. He has a full time job that he has kept for 6 months now and is looking to getting into school. He looks and acts so much healthier.

Back on the home front we are facing a humoungous decision. DH has been offered a directorship at a hospital in Fort Pierce Florida. The money would be the same but with bonuses like setting his own schedule and the location. Florida has no state income tax so that will help us carry the second mortgage while waiting for this house to sell. There is also the possibility of a regional director job in the same area. Either way Florida is looking very promising. I don't think I can take another Ohio winter and being depressed for 8 months of the year. The thought of paking up this house gives me nightmares. Our furniture is so large and we have accumulated so much crap in the last 10 years. The girls would probably have to make the change mid school year so that may be hard for them. We are putting off so many decisions til we know. Hopefully it will be clearer in the next month. It will take at least 3-6 months just for DH to get his license in Florida, it's a bear.

The fun part of this has been looking for houses online and all the different prospects in the area.

We are all just looking forward to our Hawaii trip in August. I am such a planning fool. Even though we are doing a cruise once we get there, I have to have everything planned to the minute. Planning Italy last year was easier as it was just DH and I and it was more relaxing. Just 75 days and counting!!!

Re: The rest is still unwritten...

Back in January I made a resolution to lose 40lbs by the time I turn 40. Here I sit 6 months later at the same weight. This week I made the decision to join weight watchers and start back on the Phentermine. In 5 days I have lost 5 lbs. I may not lose 40 by the end of August but maybe 20. I am so tired of the achy joints and inability to keep up with the girls. My weight is not high enough for lapband so that option is out. My goal is a loss of 55 lbs. Its not what I used to be but realistic I think.

On a different note, my stepdaughter who is 21, delivered her third child this morning. Many may remember the trouble we have had with her in the past. She is a druggie, welfare abusing, horrible mess of a mother and human. That's harsh but she has two boys 4 and 22 months who she doesn't have the ability to care for. She can't even care for herself. We have been begging her to put this one up for adoption, however since this one is a girl she may just change her mind. She delivered at 35 weeks and the baby was only measuring 31 weeks at her ultrasound yesterday. She went the entire time with no prenatal care and has the most enlarged thyroid I have ever seen. She's a trainwreck.