blog is a funny word

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

I had 2 very vivid pregnancy dreams last night. I call them "pregnancy dreams" because I only have them when I'm pregnant. Usually I can't remember a dream at all... And these dreams bother me, wake me up completely, make me angry, etc., etc...

I can't remember one of them, inexplicably, but it'll come. The one I do remember went like this:

The kids and I were driving somewhere in our rather large Suburban. I was still pregnant, Kate was not with us, so I'm guessing it was a present-time dream. All of a sudden, we fell into a very deep sinkhole. The entire Suburban dropped about 15 feet! I got Steven to unbuckle himself from the back and help Izzy unbuckle (she was spazzing out), and I reached back and got Luke out, and we were climbing out of the Suburban through the side windows. At the moment that I got Izzy out the window (she went first), I saw something else falling down on us. I grabbed her and pulled her in *just* in the nick of time. A light blue Prius had fallen into the sinkhole on top of us...

So, go analyze that and tell me what it means?? Nothing, I'm sure, just like all my pregnancy dreams. :huh:

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

Well, it's been a while... We've been busy! I wanted to get the birth story down, so here goes...

We went in on Thursday the 21st of August for the amniocentesis to check if the baby was ready for delivery. She was 37 w 1 d along, so we thought she'd be good to go... When we got there, on time at 7 am, the prenatal clinic wasn't open yet (they were supposed to do the amnio) and labor and delivery had no idea what was going on either. Plus, labor and delivery didn't actually have any residents available, because they were all at an "academic thing". The attendings were available, but that doesn't mean they are willing to actually see any patients...

So... after a while of waiting around, we finally got in with the prenatal (high risk) clinic for the amnio at about 8:30 am. (A doctor had shown up there in the meantime...) The amnio went fine, and I didn't really feel any cramping or anything. We went back to labor and delivery for a couple of hours of non-stress test monitoring, during which DH (my labor partner ) got restless waiting for the doctors to come in and tell us the results of the amnio, so he went ahead and looked it up on the computer... The perks of working at the hospital where you deliver, I guess. After he saw the results which showed "mature lungs" he called the nurse in, told her my lab results, and asked that we get induced already. She wasn't thrilled that DH looked up the results, but she let me get up from being monitored, and so that was good. The attendings couldn't be bothered to admit us and all that, especially since the residents were back in the afternoon, so we went down to eat lunch hoping they'd be ready to admit by 1 pm at the latest...

*time to feed the baby, again... will return to the scintillating story soon...*

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

Today I took my mom to the airport. The good news: Josie lasted the entire ride up there and back (about 90 min round trip) without any trouble... The bad news: Now I have to start doing laundry and cooking again! Yikes... We may have to frequent McDonalds a lot, since we have after school activities 6 out of 7 days of the week. Yes, shoot me now...

Well... Back to the exciting birth story... We got back up to L&D with high hopes that the residents were back and ready to check me in... No such luck- but at least a nurse took us back and started taking down information. A resident showed up at about 3 pm, so at least we were in the middle of a shift... By this point I had 2 different IVs started with 5 different tubes of stuff going into my arms... The pitocin was started at a really low level. Checking my cervix was about the most painful thing of the whole delivery. ("Wow, you are really posterior" are words I care not to ever hear again. Sorry about TMI, but this is a birth story after all...)

Finally at about 4:30 I was ready to get the epidural so that I could turn up the pitocin and get this baby delivered. The whole time DH and I had been watching the Olympics (water polo, beach volleyball, rhythmic gymnastics...) and DH had been whining about how bored he was. My contractions were pretty mild, I was dilated to about 3-4, and things were not progressing. We needed to break the water, but before we did that it was advised to have the epidural on board... At about the time where I was ready for the epi, there was an emergency C-section which occupied the doctor and the anesthesiologist (actually a CNRA- I never saw a real live anesthesiologist)... So we waited... And waited... By the time we were approaching 7 pm (track and field was going to start soon), they were *finally* done with the emergency cases. I really hoped they'd come deal with me, since it was "shift change" and all that... Luckily, they did and at about 9:30 pm things started rolling right along. The epidural was great, one leg was *completely* numb, but the other leg was only partially numb and I felt really good about the amount of sensation I could feel. However, the CNRA who did the epi let slip the results of the men's 4x100 race that we were watching. So I knew they dropped the baton *before* I watched them drop it. That was a bummer.

Anyway, at this point I had over 11 tubes of stuff going into me and coming out of me-- not exactly a "natural" birth but I knew that the pregnancy ball wasn't going to play into my birth story! Then they broke the water and turned up the pitocin. About 20 minutes later, everyone rushed into the room as monitors went off. An oxygen mask was stuck on my face, someone rolled me to my side, the pitocin was turned way down, and the resident started to insert another tube into me to "add more fluid to my amniotic sac". The baby had a massive decel, but after all that commotion she stabilized.

Then everyone went back to doing what they were doing, and I was allowed to "progress"... The pitocin was still at a lower rate, by now it was 11 pm, and I was nervous that the baby would be born the next day. Luckily, at about the time the US Men's Volleyball team started playing against Russia, I felt "the urge" to push. You BTDT people know how distinct that is. Giving DH a last chance to be supportive, I told him "I think it's time to push" and he barely looked up from his book as he said, "Well, push the button and tell the nurse." Thanks for the tip, Dude... The nurse at least came in to take a look, and she saw the baby's head, called the resident, who called the attending, and then there were 5 people staring *up there* and telling me to go ahead and push. DH-- still on the couch studying. Someone told him to come over and lift up my leg that was dead to the world, so finally he got a move on. 2 pushes later, out popped Josie.

She was pink, and didn't even need to be suctioned-- she started crying right away. She looked great, and I loved that I was about 2 feet away from her when she was born, and they held her up for me to see. DH tried to cut the cord (he finally did, but he had me worried). He has a hard time doing anything remotely medical with his own kids! The doctors and nurses were sort of like, "Just cut it! Aren't you a surgeon???" Then they did the APGARs on her and gave her straight 10s, whatever that's worth, and pretty soon we were trying to nurse and that's about it.

Overall, it was a good experience. Yes, it was filled with interventions of all kinds. Yes, it was frustratingly slow at times. But we also felt secure and sort of "in control" of the whole thing, vs going into labor naturally and not really having a chance to get an epi or anything. Our docs did a nice job, and thank goodness the Olympics were on or else I would've been almost as bored as DH.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

Continuing the story...

The baby was born, all was well, we were super-eager to leave the hospital and take full advantage of Mac's week of paternity leave. I hate staying away from home and away from my other kids. I get really stir-crazy in a hospital. So, Josie was born Thursday at 11:39 pm, we were discharged 36 hours later on Saturday morning, and home we went. It was, as predicted, wild at home. The kids were getting ready for the first day of school on Tuesday, Kate was "planning her outfit" for the entire weekend, Luke was getting into trouble like never before... A perfect time to introduce a new person to the mix. Josie handled it all pretty well. Frankly, she mostly slept at this point. She was born 3 weeks early, so I didn't expect her to do all that much! She nursed, but not well, and then went back to sleep.

The first night she was home was interesting. Mom handled the reading the kids a bedtime story while I nursed the baby. Mac was working on the computer, I think this was pre-crash #1. The twins chose "Love You Forever"-- a classic. Mom had never read it. I wouldn't recommend reading it in such an estrogen-charged crazy hormone environment, actually... Especially considering my grandma was really sick that day, and we didn't know why, but we feared the worst. Grandpa had called a couple of times in panic mode, my dad wasn't able to be reached to go home and check on her, and so my mom was really worried... Basically, by the time Mom got through about half of the book, where the son moves out of the house and the mother is middle-aged, both my mom and I started to lose it. I was sobbing, mom was sobbing, the twins looked confused and alarmed, Mac looked like he just landed on "the planet of the apes"... Then the story went on and on to the point where the mom was dying. I was like "Make it Stop!!!" and the twins just thought it was "silly" because the son was carrying his mother. I was like "It's a metaphor" sob sob sob... Yikes. DO NOT read that book the night you come home from the hospital with a brand new baby knowing that that is your last baby ever.

So, we recovered eventually, but post-delivery hormones suck. I hate feeling so *unstable* and emotional...

The next day (Sunday) we had to go back to the hospital for a bili check because Josie's numbers on discharge were a little high. The numbers jumped way high by Sunday, apparently. The pediatrician, however, let us go back home. We came back the next day (Monday) to get her level checked again. It was a little bit higher, but we were allowed to go home again... The level was high enough on this day that my dad started to get really concerned, told my mom that he "would've put her under the lights", and so my mom started a bit of spaz-out mode about how we shouldn't have come back home, how the baby is at risk, etc., etc. I just had to trust the advice of my actual doctors in this situation, I thought. I figured that if they thought Josie was really at risk, they would've admitted her. The pediatrician consulted the neonatologist and everything, so... I felt OK being at home, even though DH, my mom, and my dad were all pretty well in the "admit her now" camp...

Tuesday, we went back to the hospital for another bili check. Her level had gone up a little bit more, so that this time the pediatrician didn't give us an option and she decided to admit her to the NICU. There was no room in the family suite area of the NICU (that's where I stayed with Luke- it's basically a room off of the NICU where you can stay with the baby the whole time while she is under the bili lights). Since there was no room, Josie was put in the regular NICU and we got to visit her pretty much all the time, but were kicked out for nurse changeover and rounds.

The time she spent in the NICU was hard, especially the first 24 hours or so. The kids didn't understand why she had to go back to the hospital. I had to stay with here there, I didn't get hardly any sleep, and the baby wasn't nursing well at all. The NICU staff supplemented her every feeding, and they sometimes used the expressed breastmilk I left them, and sometimes they used formula. I felt like a total failure, even though I knew she was having a hard time because of the fact that she was so tiny, and she was not "mature" enough to really eat with vigor... It was emotionally tough, and it didn't help that DH's last precious days of paternity leave were spent while I was with the baby in the NICU.

On Wednesday, Josie and I were checked into a "family suite" room off of the NICU. That was a huge relief for me to be able to be in the same room with her, and to be able to nurse her without someone checking in on us constantly. I still had to do the supplemental feedings, but I could control what I gave her, and so she didn't get any formula... While we were in the NICU, DH had crashed the home computer and so he was busy "rebuilding" it all the while. He gave me a guilt trip because I gave him a guilt trip about not being in the "family suite" with us, and so anyway he ended up coming to stay that night and "help" with the feedings. It was emotionally charged, to say the least. I just expected him to help out, seeing as I had gotten about 10 hours of sleep the entire previous week, and he had slept a full night plus had time to crash the computer, etc... Anyway, it was all a "yuck" and "ugh" experience...

On Thursday, we finally were able to turn off the bili lights. Josie's bili level didn't jump back up even after the lights were off for about 8 hours, so we were able to go home. Mac was back at work at this point, but had "permission" to accompany me and Josie back home. I did all the discharge stuff, all the exams, the visit with the social worker about post partum depression, etc., etc. I was strangely encouraged to read on the discharge papers that one of my main stressors was having a husband in a surgical residency program. (I actually got more "that's got to be tough" comments for this aspect of my life than for the 4 kids at home aspect!)

So, I was ready to go, the baby was ready to go, but where ws DH??? He was supposed to be in the room to help me bring the stuff out to the car, and actually he was supposed to drive us home. I had told the nursing staff that my husband was coming to help me out to the car, I didn't need any help, etc., etc... I had told them that he'd be there by 1, and we'd be out of the room... Well... I started calling him at around 1:30 to say "Where are you??" and turns out that his chief didn't care that DH had permission to leave, she had him running around doing total intern tasks for her, and he couldn't be bothered to call me and tell me he'd be late... I was like, "whatever" and "loser dad" and "I'll get a nurse to help" and who knows what else I muttered but I was pretty disgusted. DH decided to come up to at least help me take the bags out to the car (what a guy ) and help with the final step of discharging from the hospital, and then finally we were on our way home. Without DH, who didn't come home until 5 or 6 or so... I guess I expected him to be able to bring us home all the way, but then I didn't really believe he would do it.

So... That's about it for now... I'll add in some pictures to spice it up a bit!

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

I don't have the pictures yet... I still haven't uploaded them, and I have something like 300 on my camera. I need to get those babies transferred over ASAP. I will lose it if I lose my pictures again... Except this time I won't be able to retrieve them at all...

Anyway, before I get on the whole picture thing, I just wanted to update that Josi is doing much better, her weight is up a lot after a weekend of pigging out, apparently. She gained 7 oz in one weekend! That's after gaining a net of 4 oz in her first 5.5 weeks of life. Also, her color is looking better, she's not so "yellow", and she's been pooping like a champ. Yes, these are things of paramount concern to new parents. At least I won't go into the details of color on consistency. I will admit that I text-message DH whenever I am blessed to change a dirty diaper. (We did have constipation issues with her as well- as in no BM at all for 8 days...)

Anyway, I'm going to seize this opportunity of baby taking a decent nap (and sleeping through a feeding, so I have to wake her from it anyway) to quickly plug in my camera and download those pictures...

Fingers crossed that the pictures are all there...

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

Now the story in photos--- this will be a LOT of photos. I hope I don't crash something.

First picture: the real birth story. I look as tired as I was...



Josi and Mac (who finally put his book down to hold his new baby!)



And Josi on the scale... Note that it took her 1 month to gain back this birth weight!!!



Now it's time to "meet the family"...







Bringing baby home! At 3 weeks early, she did sleep a lot initially! (This gave DH ample time to crash the computer 2 times...) My mom is in this photo-- I managed to catch her!



After bringing Josi home, we were really busy with back to school stuff, and of course with daily treks to the hospital for bili checks... Here is the picture of the twins going back to school-- for the first time in separate classrooms! Right after dropping them off, we headed to the hospital for the bili check that got Josi admitted to the NICU for 50 hours...



OK-- the baby is crying... So I'll continue the photo journal in a few hours perhaps... Of course life with a newborn isn't all that predictable, so we'll see...

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

Sooooo...

Josi was admitted to the NICU to be under the bili lights because her levels were way high... I pretty much went through the whole NICU story in a previous post-- so here are just a couple of pictures of Josi "under the lights"...



And these little "sunglasses" drove me nuts the whole time she was under the lights... They slip around a lot!



When we were finally able to bring her home, we did a little home-grown phototherapy! She *loves* the sun. It makes me want to take her to a tropical beach or somewhere because it's too chilly now for her to soak up the rays!!



The next major event to happen was Luke's first day of preschool. He has loved preschool this year. Last year it was a real struggle until about March! This year, he's a "big kid" and he knows the drill. Last year he didn't even talk to his teachers or his classmates until the very end of the year. This year, during the orientation circle time he was being a total clown, and talking out of turn... :huh: I guess it's a maturity thing! He loves preschool, though, and he goes there from 9 am to 1 pm (he even eats lunch there!) 3 days a week. It is a *lifesaver*!



Other pictures now:

Josi's first real bath. She didn't cry at all. She loves loves loves the water, and she calms down when she hears us start the water to fill her little tub. Of course, we can't give her a bath every day because it would dry out her skin, but I wish we could!!!



Here is a typical daddy-baby bonding moment. DH is so tired, and I just can't even figure out why. He mostly sleeps while I'm up nursing 3 times a night, and now we don't have to supplement at night either, so...



Josi at 1 month old! Starting to "wake up" a bit. I still don't get many smiles, but I've had a couple and they are so cute. She's going to be a lot of fun in a couple of months!



And finally the most recent pictures. Luke adores Josi, and he makes every adult incredibly nervous because he wants to *squeeze* her an *pat her on the head* and *feel the squishy soft spot*... You have to have an arm free to block Luke when he's wired and anywhere near the baby! But when he's calm, he's so very tender...





This is a picture of Luke *cradling* Josi's head... She's safe, don't worry...



Ugggggh...

So she is up again, but that's all the photos I have for now anyway! She's getting healthier every day, and gaining precious ounces...

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

So, I haven't checked in for a couple of weeks, and I come back here and it's Christmas time and the page has changed again! It's so hard to keep up... I'm on information overload!

Anyway, today Josi is 2 months old. She is starting to settle down a little as she approaches 6 weeks *adjusted age*. Since she was born at 37 weeks, we got an extra 3 weeks of newborn-ness... This means that hitting any landmarks should happen about 3 weeks later, and right now that means she still doesn't sleep much at night. She hasn't had any colic, so that's good, but at night she really doesn't like her bassinet all that much, but I still try... She used to like to sleep right next to me or on top of me, but now she just gets all upset and wants to nurse if we try this-- and I am not wanting to be a pacifier all night long... So, our pattern now is I nurse her in the glider chair, then I put her down in the bassinet. She stays asleep for about 1 hour, then she wakes up and DH takes her downstairs where she sleeps on his chest for another hour or so until it's time for me to feed her... I don't sleep much b/c I'm still worried DH is going to squish her. :huh: Anyway, I know it's all a phase and she's getting bigger every day, and today she's taken 3 *naps* in the bassinet on her own!!! 2 weeks ago she didn't take a nap in her bassinet at all- she was really fussy and DH was working until 8 every night, and we still didn't have our car... It was a bad week...

In other news, we're down to 3 weeks left of soccer, thank goodness. The kids have their last swim lesson this week, but Kate keeps on going thru March 3 times a week. Kate's carpools have sort of fallen through. I'm ready to make her start navigating the city bus system. :huh: She catches a ride with our Japanese neighbors to swimming about half of the time. The other half she can't catch a ride with them, because she's offered a ride to the *boy of her dreams* who lives in the neighborhood. Big sigh... It's very reassuring to ride around with the two of them. DH and I have nothing to worry about as far as boyfriend issues are concerned!! The *boy of her dreams* is really nice, but painfully shy. And Kate is so very awkward around him. I find it absolutely hilarious.

Halloween approaches. Tonight is the Cub Scout Halloween Pack party. I will *lose it* if DH can't make it home in time to take them there. I know he probably won't, because the party starts at 7 and he hasn't been home that early in a while, but still... In fantastic news my mom sent me a box of Halloween stuff!! I caved and bought the boys some costumes, but I was planning on making a fairy skirt for Izzy. I have the fabric, a pattern I was going to go off of, but I just don't have 8 arms and it hasn't happened yet. I didn't even tell my mom that I hadn't started the skirt! she just made one and mailed it out to me, with a weird feather mask and a scarlet red boa (do fairies usually have feather masks and boas??). She sent a little giraffe bunting thing for Josi, some costume $ for Kate, and a couple of toys for the boys. I was so happy to get that box... A huge load off of my shoulders to not worry about making that skirt this weekend!

DH and I have had maybe 2 conversations since Josi's been born. All he wants to talk about is fellowship and I am just... frantic about life. I'm trying to juggle so many things right now. I don't want to talk about a possible 4 year fellowship. 4 years, on top of the 4 years left in his training... What is the big appeal of fellowship anyway? It seems to me that at some point he would want to grow up and get a real job... Anyway, we aren't fighting or anything, we just do baby handoff and when he gets the baby, I do my chores, and when I feed the baby, he does chores, etc., etc.

Anyway, if I don't check in frequently, you can imagine why! We're *almost* there as far as sleeping goes. I can sense that she'll be taking real naps soon and then I'll have 2 hands with which to type away!!!

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

I have attempted to write an entry for a while now, but when I start I either get distracted by one of the kiddos and their *many* needs, or I get so bored with what I'm writing that I give up!! Life is pretty monotonous now. I live in increments of 3 hours, which is the amount of time between feedings. We still are concerned with her weight, a little bit, but she finally got on the growth curve so that's progress! All in all, Josi is doing well, smiling a lot, but demanding her share of attention! Alas, I will never get the experience of a "laid back baby", but given my personality and DH's, I'm not surprised...

We had to go to the ER this weekend though. Josi spiked a fever of barely 101, which is over the low threshold of 100.4, above which newborns need to have some tests done. She has had her 2 month immunizations, so she's covered somewhat, but they still tested her blood and urine. Both samples were negative, but they gave her the big antibiotic shot (rosephan?)... The ER was absolutely empty, at 1 am on Sunday... So for those of you who hate waiting in ER's, maybe this is the time to go? Anyway, we got out of there at 5 am, by which point her temp was normal, but the upshot was that Monday I had to take her in for a follow up, more blood work, and another shot of Rosephan... Of course, this was arranged late in the morning on Monday, and I was totally stuck. I had committed to watching my friend's girls, I had to pick up Luke from preschool, there was no school for the older kids... So I ended up hiring Kate as a babysitter. She watched 6 kids (!!!) ages 4, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 7 (3 of her siblings, 3 of my friend's kids) for about 1 hour until the girls' mom was able to pick them up, and then she watched her sibs for another 3 hours!!! And she did a fine job. She was surprised that babysitting (at least for me) means letting them watch TV and eat unhealthy snacks-- basically the rule is to keep the little people happy. And for her troubles I gave her $20, which she was stoked about. I know I *grossly* underpaid her, but that's all the cash I had. :huh:
Anyway, I was pleased that she was able to step up and do a good job for me!

Yesterday I had to get flu shots for all the kids except Josi, of course. That was its own adventure! Everyone did well. There were some young toddler twins in the waiting room getting ready for their shots. It is wierd to think that I'm on the other end of that era-- I'm the mother of twins telling the other mother of twins that it *really* does get better. I used to hear that from mothers of twins and it encouraged me somewhat. There's nothing like toddler twins--- the trouble they get into! (Of course it just gets exponentially more complex with more multiples!)

All in all, I feel like I'm in this surreal stage of life. DH and his career have taken a back seat for a while, at least as far as I'm concerned. He's busy, he's home late, he's working weekends, life goes on. I'm really trying to focus on the ages and stages of the kids. I'm trying to get Isabel's confidence up. I'm trying to listen to Kate and guide her to making wise choices with friendships. I'm trying to be patient with Luke and build him up without overinflating his already overinflated ego! And I'm trying to reassure Steven, the resident worrywart, about life in general. And as far as the baby is concerned, I'm just trying to meet her needs. I'm trying to slow down and enjoy what I can, rather that look forward to the next big thing. With all the other kids I was always trying to push forward to the next stage so much, to get through this first year. Now, even the trip to the ER didn't really throw me. It's just one night, and I know there will be others, but someday we will reach the last sick late night ever, the last ER visit ever, and even the last doctor appointment where I am actually in the room the whole time. It's amazing how the knowledge that Josi is my last infant has changed my perspective.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

So now I have something new to stress out about... I got a call that Kate's teachers want a conference for her next week (middle schoolers don't have conferences unless requested). So I have Steven's conference, then I have to go across town to Kate's school for what is most assuredly going to be bad news... Then the next day I have Izzy's conference, and from what I gather from the twins, Izzy just got moved down a math class. (Or up a math class depending on whom you ask.) These school policies drive me nuts. And the bottom line of everything is always that parents need to be doing more.

I've just about had it with the whole process actually. My parents did *nothing* at all for all 4 of us to ensure that we got our homework done, etc., etc. Particularly now that the middle school has this online tracker, they assume that parents are checking it every 10 minutes. I check that maybe 2 times a week, just to check up, but not to write down every assignment, etc., etc. That would be my daughter's job, and it would be her teacher's job to make sure that the kids know there is an assignment. And as far as the twins and elementary school, my biggest gripe is that they move them to different classes and levels for math without telling the parents first. I literally have no idea where my child is or who her teacher is for math until mid-November. This needs to be changed. So for the first time, I come to conferences with my own *opinions* on how the school can improve their communication and expectations.

I swear I will blow my top if they tell me we need to do more for Kate. Ohhhhh really? More that 2 hours a night? That child is so very difficult to deal with. Also, she doesn't want to be "smart" so she has garnered an "airhead" image. Wonderful. Probably the teachers will bring up the fact that she scores in the 99th percentile in her English standardized thingamajig, but she talks like, like, a total like, idiot.

:huh: :huh:

I'm so sick of school... Waaaaaaaaaah.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

Well, Kate's conference was yesterday. It started 15 minutes late and the upshot was that she is not turning in assignments and not trying her hardest. Also, school is going to get "much harder" and if she doesn't get her stuff together she's going to fall "farther behind"... So, nothing new. I'm actually relieved it wasn't anything behavior oriented. We've been dealing with her not turning in work and not trying her hardest in school since 2nd grade... So, this is really nothing new and we've pretty much exhausted our resources. Since there's no way to make her "want" to get good grades, we're left to take away privileges when she doesn't succeed. Since she started the new quarter, she's forgotten to turn in 4 math assignments, lowering her current grade in math from an A to a B. She doesn't care, iin fact she thinks she'd like to get a C or lower to prove to us that she really can't do math... And that standardized tests don't mean anything... But she doesn't love to lose phone privileges, and since she missed turning in 4 assignments, she loses cell phone and regular phone use for 4 weeks. That's the deal, chica... And if she gets more than one "B" this quarter in her final grades, her internet time will be cut in half, from 30 minutes a day to 15 minutes. Now that we are familiar with the school and their expectations, and since she's been getting B's and A's putting out barely any effort, we think this is totally reasonable. Now it's up to her, I guess. I'll check the super-annoying much-hated online homework tracker once or twice a week to update her weeks lost of phone usage, but I'm not going to do much more... I was relieved that the teachers didn't expect me to track her homework more- or to do any type of homework journal/signature thing... They were going in that direction, and I just said "we've tried it before, it didn't work." As in, I'm not going there again...

Meanwhile, Isabel is apparently in Steven's math class now. This is the hardest level. In order for her to keep up, because being moved down would devastate her and give him ammunition to perpetuate the "I'm so much smarter than you are" argument, I feel the need to do extra flash card drills with her. I probably should do this anyway, but it's a little bit annoying nonetheless. At least Izzy is super duper conscientious (sp??? yikes) about her work. She and Steven sit down to do homework first thing when they get home. Izzy because she likes to have her ducks in a row, and Steven because he wants to get to free time and he knows I won't let him play until he's done his work...

I also had a conference for Luke (yes, as in a preschool conference which I think is totally overkill) and his teacher apparently thinks he can write his own name... Well, he can write a backwards L followed by an upside down U but that's about all I've ever seen. :huh: I don't really care. He knows his colors and he knows the names of all the Decepticons and the Autobots so I think he's duly prepared for Kindergarten. Just the important stuff, you know...

The baby is doing well. She's growing, and I don't have to supplement her but we still do at the dinner hour because I'm too busy to feed her. She sort of "cluster feeds" from about 5:30 to 8:30, taking half hour breaks here and there... I dread the dinner hour. It's non-stop stress like never before. Josi wants to settle down and go to sleep at about 730, but that means I have to sit there nursing her. The kids go to bed at about 8, unless they have cub scouts or some other activity. Mac gets home from work at about 8 or so, depending on if his car breaks down or not. So, there's a lot of crying, and it's just chaos normally. But we'll make it. In a couple of months, Josi will be sitting up and getting more independent and sleeping better. I know this time passes so quickly, but while I'm in the midst of it it passes soooooo slowly...

Such as life. I still look at my twin babies and can not believe they are so big. And Kate? Forget about it. A couple of years ago she still liked to play "Daddy be a horsey" and she wore pink clothes. Even Luke is no longer wanting to be a baby. Everything with him is about doing it himself, and being a big boy. I just know these days of constant demands for feeding and comfort by the baby are dwindling away-- and that's a good thing, but it's still a little bit strange to wrap my brain around! A full night sleep doesn't seem like the big goal that it used to be with the other kids. :huh:

Anyway, Josi's crying, so... I'm off to *enjoy* meeting her every need.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

Uggh. That's about all I can say. And groan, moan, whine....

So Kate is back up to her old tricks. Not turning in work, getting D's on tests, the usual stuff. So glad I went to that conference a few weeks ago... It was so illuminating. Anyway, I have devised *yet another* round of stringent requirements for her. I even made up a simple chart for her to fill in (a ticket to internet use, in the unlikely event she's every ungrounded so as to be able to use the internet again). The chart has every class, a space for the day's assignment, and a space to not upcoming tests. I'm about sick of it. If this doesn't work I swear I'm going to add a space for her frickin teachers to initial that Kate has it all right! Like they'd ever get around to it. Anyway, although I realize Kate is a chronic underachiever and this is primarily her fault, I also see the school as expecting these little, highly distracted pre-teens and young-teens to "have it all together". As in, they may mention an assignment 2 times or something, and then they expect that the kids get it... Do they mostly all get it? I don't know. Probably. Probably it's just *my kid* that has not a clue... And then she laments that she has a rep as an Airhead around her friends. They actually make fun of her in front of classmates (as in, "Don't ask Kate the answer, she won't know it." And "Kate's too stupid to get that.") Charming, isn't it? And this is why I am just biding my time until middle school is over.

We had a nice, but hectic, thanksgiving. DH was home for 4 days straight. I was so ready for him to go back to work, it filled me with glee when he actually went back. Kelly mentioned not knowing how she would live with her DH in post training years... I'm sort of glad I have many years ahead of me! What a huge transition that will be... Anyway, so he was home for 4 days straight, which thrilled the kids. I know it thrilled them, but the way they showed their excitement was by whining and screaming and fighting with much more intensity. So DH's response: Of course, distract them with the Wii games and with TV and with Candy, etc., etc., etc. I would try to send kids to time outs, and he would plug them in to something electronic. So, at least with him home I got more help with Josi, right??? Well, actually, during those nights when DH was well-rested enough for me to trust hiim to take over night duty so that I could get some sleep, Josi decided to sleep through the night. As in from 9 pm to 5 am. 3 nights in a row. And now that DH is back at work? You guessed it: she's up at 12:30 am, 4:30 am, etc, etc, etc... She's still too young for "sleep training", so I'm just getting by on caffeine.

DH's current rotation is at Children's, which adds about 45 minutes to his 45 minute commute home in the evening. Since he leaves there at about 7 or so, he's barely home for the extra-painful dinner-bath-bed routine... But it promises to get worse during January and February. I can *barely* wait... I know earlier I said that I sent him off to work with glee, and I did, but I just wish he'd be home by 6 to help... A girl can dream, can't she??

So, over Thanksgiving break we also had company. My parents AND my older brother came to visit. They took over the basement of our house, which meant moving Kate upstairs temporarily. (That was an adventure...) Anyway, it went well, but there were 10 people in our house of maybe... 2200 sq feet? We were crowded. I know my parents were very crowded (their house for 2 people has over 5500 sq feet). Towards the end of the visit they brought us a flyer they happened upon for a house for sale near our house. They thought they would buy our house, keep it as a rental, let Mac be the landlord, and then we'd be able to move on up... This is sort of what we were hoping for a year ago, but it really threw us into a tizzy. We started to dream, to look at real estate, we even tried to contact the owner of a house that we looked at last year. (He may be moving back- never sold his house but it's being rented right now.) Anyway, as we got more excited by the idea, my parents got a bit more cautious... I doubt they'd make any money on the deal, even though we'd cut them a nice price on our house. And then there's the issue of finding a renter... So... I don't know where we are on the whole issue now. If a wonderful opportunity drops in our laps, a house that is *perfect* and won't require a lot of $ to fix up to suit our family, then we may pursue it cautiously. But we'd have to find renters for our current house, and we'd have to commit to landlordship...

I'm really tempted to pursue this, but I really really want to be independent. I think we need to be independent. We can make it in our house. It's really much less crowded when the kids are in school and we don't have visitors... Oh, and we're pretty much broke, so that's another factor. We keep getting nailed with car repairs that we can't afford.

Big sigh...

So anyway, I think this will be a *skinny* Christmas for us (trying to pay off the "oil change" on the rather large Suburban last week-- it went from about $20 to $1600 due to an unfortunate finding of entirely screwed up brakes, etc., etc...). I'm really trying to avoid credit card debt. We are *this close* to needing to carry a balance. And when I say *this close* we're talking in the tens of dollars.

That's what I get for marrying a rich doctor.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

I'm exhausted. This real estate roller coaster kicks my butt every 4 months or so... I have crunched and crunched and crunched numbers... And it's just not happening. I know the *smart* financial thing to do, and that's to stay put. But "me wants a bigger house" and it is just so hard... By the time we're able to freely afford something bigger and nicer, the kids will be mostly all gone, and that's sad...

My house growing up was *the gathering place*, and not because my parents were cool, not because we were centrally located, but because we had an entire floor to ourselves (about 2000 sq feet of space!) and a pool and a pool house. *Sigh*. So this is all tied up in what I think my kids need to have a complete childhood, which is utter nonsense, but still that's what is behind it all... I have an image as to what I need to provide to be able to give them opportunities. I don't know why this image is centered on providing a house, but it is. I provide LOTS of things to my kids that my parents never provided to me... At least I can see this now. DH grew up in a trailer (not even a double wide) and he doesn't have this compusion to get a big house. It's all me... :huh:

So, if I did New Year's Resolutions, which I don't do, but if I did, I would resolve to be happy with our house, to focus on how much I like my neighborhood (if not my exact neighbors), and my location, and our local elem school... I would also resolve to save enough money to be able to install a decent bathtub so that I can actually take a soak (it's been about 5 years since I had a decent bath). And there I am, back to complaining about my house...

So, enough. Shake it off... I've spent a *ridiculous* amount of time checking realtor websites and I think it's time I try to figure out what I'm giving people for Christmas. Especially since my Christmas budget is like $200 for 12 people...

This is one year where I would like to fast forward past the holidays to spring. I feel nothing but anxiety when I think about traveling home to see family (on Christmas day, no less), then flying back solo with the 5 kids... Even the visit fills me with anxiety. It's a matter of who will get sick first, not if anyone will get sick...

Anyway, I'm stressing just writing about it! Seriously! Merry Christmas, everyone, if I don't get on here again!

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

I'm just checking in here... Everything is out of control for me now... It's very disconcerting! The baby is sleeping now, and it's dinner time, and this means she won't sleep tonight, and DH has call AGAIN... Anyway... "Never wake a sleeping baby" is running through my head...

DH had a very busy weekend. He went to the hospital Friday night (he was taking "at home call"), stayed the night to do early rounds on Saturday, finally got to come back home at 1 pm, and then went back at 3 pm until... 10 pm Sunday night. It... sucked... so.... much. And to make it worse, he told the nurses that I told him to go in on Saturday because I mentioned how much it sucked to wait in the ER with your sick kid for some specialist to get there. (Basically there was a consult which the ER doc ordered but DH had the power to put off the consult for a few hours...) So then the nurses thought I was a *saint*.... Unnnn.... No. I'm the raging byotch in the background who pages her idiot husband to ask him where the pacifiers are. Because he can not put them back where they belong. So *please* don't label me the *good supportive wife*!!!!

So on Monday night, when the kids got to see DH again after a few days, he went out to get the mail and Luke had a total meltdown. "Daddy, don't gooooooo!!!!" This is no way for a child to live...

Anyway, I'm going to go wake the sleeping baby. We are so out of sync, it's pathetic. I'll be lucky if people get to bed by 9 tonight... Yikes. Just wanted to check in and say we're still here, just chugging by, by the Grace of Caffeine.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

Ugggh... I started to write a response to my previous uggh post and I hit something and lost it... Here we go with attempt number 2.

I have been feeling guilty about referring to DH as "my idiot husband" for misplacing the pacifiers. That wasn't very nice of me... He really is trying his hardest, and I don't hate him, I hate residency. But... onto the pacifier story...

Josi has been, since the bili lights, very dependent on her pacifiers. She is starting to find her thumb, but it's still a skinny little thing and not very satisfying, so the pacifiers are still of monumental importance in our household. I only have 3 of them, 2 of which I can currently locate. I really needed to have purchased 10 at least, and stashed them around the house like an alcoholic stashes liquor. Maybe I should stash the paci next to some liquor, to cover my bases, but I digress. So, at about 6 weeks *adjusted* age, she was a real... crier. I found myself in a tizzy because I couldn't locate a pacifier, the coffee was not made, the kids needed their lunches packed, we were running 20 minutes behind, and Josi was inconsolable... So, I called DH on his cell, which he never answers. I think decided this was more *emergent*... So, I paged him and sent a text message saying "where did you put the pacifiers" and that was it... (DH moved the pacifiers because he had the last Josi-shift of the evening, and where she goes, so goes the pacifier.) About 5 minutes later, I got a call from a nurse (apparently DH was in surgery) who explained to me that the pacifier was in the container with all the clean nipples. I could've died...

In the operating room, DH's cell DID go off. He of course didn't answer it, but he did have the nurse check who called. It was moi, of course. Then he got a page from me about 5 minutes later, which he had to have the nurse read to him. The attending was making fun of DH for the "big emergency" and told DH to send the nurse out to call me or else who knows what hell could break loose...

So, the point of the pacifier story, if there is one, is that I'm not a saintly wife at all. I don't suffer from a martyr syndrome or anything... But I am a *teensy* bit OCD...



Ahhh, Baby is crying... Again... It's off to work I go...