blog is a funny word

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

*SANTA BABY*

Two Fridays ago, we started out the day the same as usual. The morning ritual is hectic to painful... I have to get cereal and pack lunches for the kids while Josi is waiting for me to feed her. Then, when she's about had it, I nurse her while the kids finish up eating. Usually everyone wants seconds and thirds, so Steven takes over mom duties and gives everyone extras. This is a huge help to me, so I try not to criticize when he gives Luke 2 cups of Lucky Charms so that Luke can find the *house* charm... And dump the rest down the sink. :huh: This is why I rarely buy Lucky Charms, in spite of the stellar healthfulness of it all...

Anyway, then we either drive the kids to school, and then take Luke to preschool (a 45 minute trip in total) or, on Wednesday and Friday when Luke doesn't have preschool, the twins walk to school... They are finally old enough to walk on their own and it's absolutely fantastic.

Then we have the usual day stuff-- naps, TV, laundry, etc... When the kids get home from school, that is when the fun starts... Snacks, fights, etc!!! So much fun. So two Fridays ago, I decided (last minute) to take the kids to the *mall* to check on Santa's hour for an outing in the future. DH was taking call, so I figured it was just us anyway... And so off we went. As soon as we got there, Kate took off to her screamo store-- Hot Topic. She luvs Hot Topic... Anyway, the little kids and I all went through JCPenney's first because I needed to buy some *doorbuster* suitcases. They kind of suck, but they were really cheap. It was exciting to manage a baby and 3 kids in the suitcase department. All those wheelie things!!! I'm really glad the store was pretty much empty, or else security may have been called... Anyway, we made it through... So, then I had some suitcases, 3 little kids, and a baby in a front pack to deal with. The store would only hold the suitcases for me in the customer service dept, which is basically right by where I parked, so we went out to the car to deposit the purchases.

At the car, the kids of course got into their seats ready to go home... But we had to go check on Santa's hours, so although it was tempting to just leave, and I'm sure Kate wouldn't have minded staying the night in Hot Topic, we got out of the car and walked back through the mall... All this time, Isabel had been playing with a toy she got at the dentist office earlier in the day. It was one of those annoying snap bracelet things-- where you straighten out the piece of whatever, and put it against something curved, and then it *snaps* to form a bracelet. Well, the piece of whatever is actually a piece of aluminum, which I didn't know. But due to excessive *snapping*, the aluminum cut through the shiny material of the bracelet. This exposed aluminum was *really sharp*. By the time we got to Hot Topic, after walking toddler speed to accomodate Steven and Luke criscrossing the hallways looking at *Christmas Lights*, Isabel had two big cuts on her hand. Blood was running down her fingers and making a big mess... She was starting to panic. While the bloody hand is really appropriate for Hot Topic, it's not so appropriate for a visit with Santa. Since I'd ditched my purse, I was without my usual first aid stuff... So, we went to the nearest food vendor and got some napkins, staunched the flow of blood, then we needed to go to the bathroom to clean up, which meant we needed to stop at the food court to play on the little toy thingy for kids there, etc., etc... In the meantime, I threw away the toy, and somehow managed to slice my finger also. (So beware of those snappy bracelet thingys!)

Finally, we made it to see Santa. There was no line, so we went ahead and visited him... We haven't visited Santa for about 4 years because someone has always been deathly afraid, but this year the kids were all ok with it. Kate, of course, would not participate, but that was OK because she held the coats... While we were waiting for our pictures, Santa chatted up Kate about hair dye colors at Hot Topic. :huh: So apparently he shops there.

By this time, we'd wasted about 2 hours at the mall for what was intended to be a quick 30 minute in and out. DH even made it home before we did.

So, that was our visit with Santa.

Good times...

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

We're back from our vacation. I have a gazillion things to do, so I won't post much... Suffice it to say, things are extra crazy around here. DH once again told me he'd spent "hours" cleaning the house... I came home and... it's a disaster. There were little rocks all around the kids' craft table. :huh: I'm sure the kids left them there, but DH had the house to himself for 1 whole week and never got around to that sort of "cleaning"... Of course, every time he is home alone and tells me over the phone that he's spent hours cleaning, I fall for it and think I'm going to enter some sort of palace... Le sigh... Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me...

Other than that, we are healthy except for the normal cold season stuff... We survived the vacation, I survived the solo flight home with a *really* grumpy pre-teen, and so it's all good.

A summary of things we've done which I may or may not delve into: We bought a car (total impulse thing, sorta), Kate turned 13 (shoot me now), I really really ruined her birthday, the actual day that is, and I'm having extreme guilt (I really blew it... bad bad bad), and then the normal life stuff and vacation stuff...

So... after I find all the other new bills we have that are most likely just about due, I'll try to upload some pictures and get a decent, coherent post on here!

Hope you all had holidays that were fantastic-- I can't wait to read and catch up on all of it!

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

Soooo, I kicked the kids and husband out of the house so that the baby can take a decent nap... And I can maybe write a little bit.

First, let me start with true confessions of a really bad parenting day... Kate turned 13 on Thursday. She left for the bus stop at around 7 am, at which point I was upstairs nursing the baby (as usual) and so I didn't see her off to school. I never really do, but she's really independent in the morning and has only missed the bus once. She rarely packs a lunch, but she eats some cereal... Anyway, so off to school she went, had a normal day, then stayed after for the school musical which she's gotten herself involved with. She called me on the "activity bus" on her way home from the musical because her busdriver was lost and actually asked the kids for directions. I don't know where they find these people. Anyway, she called at a stressful time, as usual, and I just said, "let your idiot busdriver call dispatch and work it out... and don't call me back until you are almost at your stop so I can go pick you up." And DH, who was arriving home, pitched in "Just make her walk home!" (Over 1 mile...) So, finally I picked her up, and noticed, again, that she didn't have her winter jacket. The one that I've been asking her about for a month or more. The one that she told me she "forgot" in her locker at school. Well, I got her to confess that she lost it, and she doesn't even know how long ago. So she's been walking to the bus stop in the morning in the freezing cold wearing a "hoodie"... She started crying, "I'd wear the jacket if I had it... I don't even care that it's uggggleeeeeeeeeeee..." Great...

I was really frustrated with her, life, everything, and so I demanded $50 to buy a new jacket that I would give to Isabel because Kate's jacket would have been a nice hand-me-down... And I told her that she (Kate) wouldn't even get to wear the jacket!

:huh: Where do I come up with this stuff...

Then she became hysterical, told me how she'd "worked so hard" to "finally have $100" and now I'm just going to take it from her. She was hysterical, slamming doors, etc., etc. She's been really emotional lately, anyway, even without having to deal with me being off my game... Her constant state of "almost" being in tears has taken a toll on us all- we feel like we need to be very gentle with her, because something's wrong but we don't know what. If we ask her why she's almost crying she says "I don't know" and starts crying... :huh:

Anyway... I know there's no defense to my nurturing motherly attitude, but I just reached my boiling point with Kate and her lost jackets. Every year since 3rd grade she's lost 2 or more jackets, whether it's at recess, or on the bus, or some unknown location... So maybe a more logical, rational response would have been to take her to goodwill for the next jacket... But there was no room for logic in that emotional mess...

At dinner she was still emotional, and started sassing and crying and it was clear that she was exhausted and perhaps a little sick, so we told her she wasn't going to get to go on the internet that night and that she needed to go to bed early. As she stormed out of the kitchen, I yelled after her "But you still have to do the dishes!"

:huh:

I seriously don't even know what happened to me that day. I blew it from start to finish! I could've handled every situation of that day differently... In my mommy guilt, I bought her a new jacket on line for her birthday. :huh: (Clearly, she needs a jacket... with a tracking device in it.)

I just feel terrible for the whole day. We haven't celebrated her birthday yet, and we didn't celebrate it that day, but at least I should have made it somewhat special, at least with a card or something. I suppose there's always next year, but what a lost opportunity.

I hated my birthday as a kid because it was never a special day. My actual birthDAY was just another day where my dad was working, my mom was complaining about my dad working, and any thought of celebrating me was pushed aside to a convenient time for the adults. I hate confronting the reality that I am treating my own daughter's birthday with the same... contempt.

So, that was a bad day. The days since have been a bit better, but I still am shocked by myself.

Recovering from this "vacation" (hahahahaha) hasn't been easy, but slowly we'll get there!

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

Kate ended up having a good birthday. We had a cake for her on our family vacation, then we had a little family party with presents here at home, for which I made a cake, and then she had her big sleepover, for which she made a cake... The sleepover happened last weekend, and there were 5 kids who stayed the night, and 2 who left early. And those girls were LOUD and they ATE SOOOOO MUCH! And of course they made a mess, and there is a trail of very light pink spots on the carpet on the stairs from the kitchen to the basement... Only a few spots, but I want to know what it is before I try to take it out...

The girls ate 3 large pizzas, a tray of mozzarella sticks, our leftover Halloween candy, the cake that Kate made, a Costco sized bag of Doritos... And they drank lots of soda... Lots and lots.

There were 2 sources of entertainment for the evening. First, they played the Wii. We got Kate Guitar Hero World Tour for Christmas-- the one with the drums and the microphone. So we listened to Beastie Boys' "DON'T... SLEEP... Til BROOKLYNNNN." Over and Over and Over. The partay was in the basement, but we removed the door to the basement and the sound travels quite well up to the living room...

The other form of entertainment was the act of dying Kate's hair. She has wanted her hair to be blue for the longest time, but it WAS a lovely chestnut brown and it was too dark for the blue dye to show up. It was also nice, thick, healthy... Gorgeous hair. So, in order for her to get blue hair, it first needed to be blond-ish... So her friend brought some bleach dye, and they went at it. Kate had permission to dye the tips of her hair, and then color them blue. This was a compromise... Anyway, her friend dyed her hair... But the bleach sort of went everywhere, and her bangs are sort of red, and some of her hair is more white-ish, and there is a *line* in the hair on the back of her head where it's normal and then it's bleached out... And then she tried to dye it with the blue stuff she has (it's a wash out at least) but it just turned green. She was OK with that, she said, but... It basically washed out right away... So... Anyway, I'll try to take a picture of her hair (my digi camera card corrupted, so it might be a while), but... let's just say it was strange enough looking that I decided to cancel our family picture appointment until Kate's hair has a chance to recover a little. Or grow out enough to be pulled back... :huh:

The girls were pretty funny about it. Kate kept talking about how Mac was going to "kill her" and he was going to "flip out", etc., etc. She worked herself up into a near panic. After about an hour of constant drama (Mac could hear the whole conversation, thanks to the lack of a door), Kate came upstairs to show him the new hairdo, and he said, "It's dyed more than we agreed to, but I guess it's not as bad as it could be..." No flipping out, no killing going on... Sorry to disappoint...

I'm still tired from the big party though. And it doesn't help that Josie sometimes sleeps through the night, and sometimes, like last night, wakes up 2 times... :huh: Usually I have them sleeping through the night by now, but since she's still in our room, it's just not happening consistently. Hopefully in February she'll move over to Isabel's room. That's the plan, but it all depends on DH's stupid job...



I hate residency already...

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

I'm really fed up with DH's rotation. He's super busy, doesn't make it home until 8 or 9, by which time we've all had it. The baby likes to go to bed early, like around 7:30, but it takes absolutely forever to put her down, so I can't do that while doing bath for the other kids, getting their teeth brushed, etc., etc...

Last night DH took call. When he got called in we still hadn't put the kids to bed, he was *in trouble* because the nurse screwed up and called the attending instead of DH, so it looked like DH was avoiding taking the call... And so DH rushed out of the house and we pretty much had to pry Luke off of him. It wasn't pretty.

I am firmly in the *I hate Residency* camp currently. It sucks.... And I hate at-home call or whatever they call it. All it means is that the day after taking call you still have to work a full day. That's the only difference. DH has been called in to the hospital over 80% of the time when he's been on "home" call... And not slept all night, then works til late the following day... It's a huge scam.

Pictures! I know... I know...

Some of the other things I mentioned earlier......

We went for Christmas to my parent's house. Their house is big, so we were able to take over the basement level completely. They also have an addition on their house which we call my grandparent's house-- it's completely attached, yet entirely separate... The kids sort of go between the two houses the whole vacation. I never know where anyone is, but that's ok. I don't worry about it now.

DH flew out with us, but left after 4 days there to make it back to work. He only gets 7 days off, max. They are *very* strict about it. Hoo Ah... Anyway, the whole time he was there he pretty much was catching up on sleep. I was up all night trying to get the baby "on schedule" and DH was sleeping on the couch away from the noise... *Sigh...* It's funny when he tries to put the moves on me. Funny or pathetic. I am like, Did you miss the part where I was just nursing for 1 hour? And that I've had this little thing attached to my breast for about 7 hours a day for the past 5 months?.... I know he feels *great* after getting his sleep in, but honey, I'm not there yet. And since we've almost been married 10 years, I'm not exactly sympathetic...

DH did take the big kids outside almost every day to go sledding. There was a lot of snow there, and every day they got a fresh coating of a couple of inches to keep things slick. We were so busy on this trip, it was insane. I am still exhausted just remembering it... The main thing was that I got to spend time with my grandparents. They are still hanging in there, even though Grandpa is just squeaking by by adjusting his meds every 3 weeks or so to deal with whatever new problem he has. He's on borrowed time, I'm afraid. I'm really glad he got to meet Josie. He really enjoyed seeing all the kids, and Luke, Steven and Isabel are at the perfect age, IMO. They were able to play quietly in their house, and at night were able to go and say good night with big hugs, etc., etc. They brought a lot of joy over to my grandparent's house, and that was great.

We also went to see DH's family. It was as dysfunctional as ever. The visit was only 2 hours long, so I can't complain. I just never know what to expect when we go there. This time there was a big feast, in DH's honor of course. There were no Christmas gifts, and there was nothing for the kids to do, but that's ok. The living room had a big dining table set up in it, and there were little toddlers everywhere. I don't even know where the kids came from. It was like a scene from Shrek 3 where the little Shreks came through the windows... We counted at one point and there were 12 adults and 14 toddlers... In a single wide trailer... It was an interesting visit. It sort of annoyed DH b/c when he visits he would just like to see his mom and be able to actually talk to her, but she feels the need to throw a big to-do, and as a result she's running around entertaining and he's making small talk with complete strangers... It's easy to prevent this- it's called call her to tell her you're visiting on the way over. Advance notice is a bad thing...

So, visiting family and squeezing in Christmas celebrations was how we spent the time when DH was with us. After he left, it was a little less chaotic, but it was exhausting. I had the childcare of my own kids to deal with, plus my niece and nephew who were over constantly. My sister works, and so I watched her kids so that the cousins could hang out. The kids all had a great time, but it's a lot of work...

And then the plane trip home. It was ok. I always feel like a freak show-- my 5 kids and me...

:huh: :huh:

At least the kids know what to do at the TSA checkpoint-- they're like little robots taking off their shoes, their jackets, putting their stuff in the trays, etc., etc. I don't even have to tell them what to do! Still... I am not eager to make another trip... Next one is coming up in August!

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

Josephine...

So here are a couple of recent pics. They are about 1 month old. My photo card thingy corrupted from my digi cam, and while I was waiting on the replacement card through amazon (cheaper), we bought a new camera which I really love, but I haven't loaded the software, etc., etc... Once I do, though... Watch out! Photos in abundance...

These pics of her show her after she recently reached the milestone of playing with toys, noticing her hands, controlling her arm movements, etc. She really has a fantastic time making all sorts of wonderful noises with the toys. And the siblings stand around her laughing and making her feel like she is accomplishing just the most amazing tasks in the world. It is really cute. Even Kate stops to watch Josie perform her numerous tricks!!





Today Josie reached a new milestone- rolling over on her own! She is 5 months plus about 2 weeks now, but her adjusted age is under 5 months, so it's not really as if she is rolling over very early... But still! It took me by surprise... I had her doing some tummy time, and usually I would sort of prop her up on her elbows and try to guide her to roll over, but not today... She pushed herself up, arms straight, and rolled over just like she'd been doing it for months. So she went from tummy to back, not back to tummy yet.

We still have her in the tiny little bassinet. Luke had outgrown that thing by 4 months! DH is never home to get the crib out from the tiny storage space under the stairs!!!! He takes call this weekend, but he gets the long weekend off (President's Day), so she may have to wait until then!

Josie is really a great little baby. She doesn't sleep much--- her naps are around 45 minutes long, with the occassional 1.5 hr nap thrown in there. She doesn't complain about it a lot, though. She doesn't consistently sleep through the night, either... All in all, she's very happy, she's definitely a star in our house, and she is much-loved. I am so glad I had her-- I really wasn't wanting another child a year ago... It was such a struggle back then to come to terms with *starting over* after having gone through all the potty training for years, etc., etc. But she is keeping me sane this year! I have her to focus on, and the kids' activities, and all together it distracts me from the really insanely busy year DH has been having. I am exhausted, and DH is beyond exhausted (he falls asleep within 2 minutes of sitting down on the couch-- as in he's snoring...), but we are just really happy to have Josie. She has brought so much joy to us, and I have let myself just spoil her without worrying about when she hits her milestones, or when she sleeps through the night, or if she has a good nap pattern... I have been much more able to let myself just hold her and rock her to sleep, laundry be damned!!



So, all in all, I'm really so happy to have had child number 5. It is crazy to have a middle schooler, two elementary schooled kids, a preschooler, and a newborn, but it is good crazy. I am also happy to know with certainty that someday I'll get out there into the workforce and do... something. I don't know what, but probably either nursing or pharmacy. I sometimes consider teaching, too, but that may be a bit too much for me! Anyway, I'll do something, but probably not until Josie is Kindergarten aged, and I'm really looking forward to the next 5 years I have with her!

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

My birthday was on Wednesday. DH had left a sticky note telling me happy birthday. It fell in the sink, so it was all wet. (And BTW, It's NOT the thought that counts!) We don't celebrate birthdays on the day of, generally, and it's a good thing... Kate left me a nice note on the computer (makes me wonder if she was sneaking internet time since she's grounded from the internet.) This is the note:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM
See, I remembered. Sorry for being such a pain in the neck all the time
I love you
-KT-

Soooo... That left me feeling a little guilty, b/c I really don't want her to think of herself as a "pain in the neck" or for her to think that I think of her that way... Sigh... It's the first time she's written *I love you* in who knows how long, though. It's been a couple of years, anyway...

Other than that, DH had call and didn't even get to come home at all on Wednesday. It's supposedly home call, but there was a sick kid, etc., etc. So I got to do all of DH's normal chores, which happens a lot these days.

DH is getting really sick of residency. He needs a break. He is counting down the days to the end of this rotation, and he's sick of always getting the short end of the stick. It's not even an exaggeration. He always takes extra call, and works extra days. It's just the way his schedule has worked out. The other residents who are on right now have to go in on their call nights maybe 30% of the time. DH goes in 80%. It's not a fluke, either. It's some sort of cosmic punishment. And compared to the other residents in his class year-- the one who is rotating at the hospital where DH rotated from July through October gets to leave at 11:30 AM every day... Apparently two doctors are leaving or something, and so they aren't scheduling cases, and so there's nothing to do. DH worked until at the earliest 6 pm when he was there. It's a cosmic thing. DH is getting bitter... He told a med student type that ENT is not all it's cracked up to be, and that he hates it (first time I've heard him say that), and that if he did it over again he'd go for derm...

The other residents in his class year have totally different attitudes about it. They envy DH the surgeries he has done. :huh:

Other than that... Not much is going on. I have these hives all over my arms today and I have no idea why. It's kind of driving me nuts. I've tried hydrocortizone cream, but it's done nothing. There is no reason for this, and I never have gotten hives before!

Maybe that's a cosmic thing, too... Maybe that is an indication that DH really SHOULD have gone into Derm...

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

Well, the rash turned out to be an allergic reaction to penicillin, which I took b/c DH thought I had strep. After starting the penicillin, I felt tons better from my strep- and I think I had strep b/c I had the fever and all the other symptoms. DH was on call, and so I decided to go ahead with the antibiotics b/c I needed to be able to deal with life... After about 3 days of penicillin, I had a lot of trouble breathing. I kept taking albuterol, like 20 times a day. I think the breathing was due to inflammation from an allergic rxn to penicillin. After about 7 days of penicillin, I broke out in a rash on my arms. My fingers were swollen- luckily I took off my wedding band or else it would've needed to be cut off. I called my dad because DH was on call, and I hadn't seen him for days anyway, and described my symptoms. He thought it sounded like an allergic rxn to penicillin, especially given my breathing issues. He told me what to take, I went to bed, and by the time I woke up in the morning my entire forearms were swollen (no longer hives-- they had all coalesced), and I was going crazy. It burned, itched, blahhhh. Anyway, DH was off of call, and so he wrote for some prednisone. I took prednisone which broke up the rash by about 80% the first day, and took care of the rest over the next couple of days...

Anyway, the prednisone is pretty trippy... At one point I felt like throwing the computer across the room because I couldn't download the Avery wizard to help make labels. :huh: It makes me jumpy and antsy and anxiety-ridden, but I'm done with the taper and so I think the computer is safe... Maybe...

DH didn't have to work over President's Day Weekend. This should have been a great thing, but it was one of the worst weekends ever. A large reason for the crappy weekend was that I was dealing with the prednisone and the anxiety it provoked in me. I felt stress like I haven't felt in ages. And since DH is working every other day of February, the stress was magnified because there are projects that have been put off that just can't wait. Foremost of these: assembling Josie's crib. She's been in the bassinet this whole time, and she's starting to move a lot and gets all scrunched up... Plus, she's still in our room which is a *huge* problem. Sleeping is generally speaking a total nightmare.

So... To assemble the crib, DH needed to first get the crib out of storage. The storage space is accessed through the closet in Kate's room. This meant that Kate needed to clean a path to the storage space. We use every square foot of space in our house. Every singe one... So every time we have to rearrange furniture it's a logistical nightmare. Ultimately, there was a lot of moving of furniture, a lot of rearranging of storage space, and a lot of me trying to keep the kids out of DH's way while I was feeling on the verge of driving away to nowhere the whole time.

Additionally, Josie decided this weekend to stop sleeping through the night. She decided to wake up at 12. I won't feed her until 3, at the earliest. I just can't handle it when DH is on call if I have to feed her at 9, 12, 3, 6, etc., etc. She is after all almost 6 months and enough is enough... So, I started doing a more formal CIO plan. We did let the other kids CIO, but much earlier. They were all sleeping through the night at 4 months old-- and the CIO process was relatively painless (as in at most 1 hour of crying). However, they all were separate rooms at that age... Josie is a special, stubborn little girl who is quite aware that her mother is in the room with her... Anyway, CIO has not gone well. But I'm sticking to it b/c I know if I don't now, she's going to be in bed with me for the next 3 years and DH and I will possibly never sleep together again! (Incidentally, that was a big motivational factor for him to get the crib assembled!) So, now the crib is assembled, I finally got the sheets and stuff washed for it, and I'm ready to move her over this weekend... Isabel will need to sleep in the boys' room for a while, but that's OK. I hope that in 1 month Josie will be a decent sleeper! Just decent! I dont' care if I have to get up with her at 3 am and feed her and put her back down-- as long as I get 10-3...

Anyway... it was a bad weekend. Just... bad... Things will look up I'm sure. I still have 1 day left of prednisone... DH works every other day of February, but then this rotation is OVER and....



HE ONLY TAKES CALL 6 DAYS ALL OF MARCH PLUS HE TAKES 1 WEEK OF LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!


So, I think I can make it... I think I can...

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

OK... I'm coming down off of my prednisone psychosis...

I'm not going to continue with CIO for now-- it occurred to me that she may not be entirely ready yet... (Duh, right.) Or not... I don't know, she's probably *ready* but it's really not worth the stress and anxiety the whole process is piling on. Mac needs his sleep, he has this massively important exam coming up, and it's just easier to feed her and put her back to bed than to wait for her to CIO! So.... I'll call it my "feeding on demand" (within reason) period...

In other news... I'm exhausted. And I can't breathe... And the kids have cabin fever. And so do I... And it is muddy.

February drags on... But DH is *almost* done with this rotation! And he's keeping his cool and his perspective even in light of a really bad support system at the current rotation... Things are getting ugly there, as in 10 attendings ganging up on 2 residents ugly... But he's hanging in, and we're counting the minutes until he's outta there!

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

Every new quarter means... Kate decides to take a break from her rigorous studies and just do nothing... And the online records that parents are supposed to check don't get updated quickly-- the teachers take a break too-- and so by the time I see the reports, she's already dug herself a huge hole...

The sad part is that she has been much better behaved at home- helping more, showing some empathy towards her siblings, being a bit less sulky... I would really like for her to get it all together at the same time...

So... She's already grounded from the internet, from a previous offense... That is my main tool in the grounding category. Now, I have taken away her texting and phone privileges, too... I am also taking away social outings... What's left? Seriously... I guess I can take away the door to her room...

It would be splendid if DH were around sometimes to help deal with all this. But, that's not going to happen really...

It just sucks. And this musical thing she's involved in is killing me. Next month they start practicing an extra hour a day, so that means no more *activity bus* and I will have to add an extra hour worth of driving to my day... Sucks. I am tired of just trying to say *yes* to her to let her have some fun, and then she continues to blow off school, knowing that I will punish her.

What frosts me most of all is that she complains to her teachers about her "groundations" as she calls them... And the teachers tell her that I'm unfair.



Ummmmm.... Gee Middle School Teacher, did you think possibly that my little angel is skewing the facts??? Perhaps???

Idiots. I'm ready for her to be out of this freaking school and out of Middle School. In general, it's been a nightmare.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: blog is a funny word

DH's program just decided to make some "improvements". This means that instead of having 3 nice months next year, he's going to have 3 horrid months working at another hospital very far away from home. He'll be driving round trip about 100 miles a day, uncompensated, in heavy beltway traffic. There's no way to carpool or anything like that. I am beyond disappointed. These 3 months were the *only* things I was looking forward to for next year and beyond. And now I need to start budgeting for obscene amounts of money to pay for gas and for the extra car mainenance that is going to be required...

DH's program also decided to do away with the research months during 4th year. Just because, you know, that would be something we were looking forward to as well. Not just so that DH could sit around, but so that he could actually try to meet his research requirement. And there is now not one light rotation in which he can try to do some research.

I feel like there is literally nothing to look forward to. This residency program was sold to DH as something entirely different from what it is. It's time for DH to start reporting his *actual* hours...

[peggyfromwastate]

Moving the blog

Well...

I guess I'm moving my blog over to the other area. I don't do well with change- but some of my posts magically appeared over there in the new blog area, so I guess I'll just follow them...

Anyway, I did add some contacts from the members list, but I didn't go through it all by any means and I'm sure I missed people! If you would like to read my blog entries (or even to just boost my ego by telling me that you would like to read my blog entries) just let me know!!!

I don't think I'll move everything over there to the new area, unless Kris really wants me to do that! But I think I'll just add new material over there!

(And as a teaser... There has been very intense teen drama going on in our house lately! I'm sure I'll be blogging that out of my system in the coming days...)

[peggyfromwastate]

Well, Kris told me to keep blogging here until everything gets set up at the new blog...

Anyway...

The main focus of my life lately has been DH's journey through looking at fellowships. It's driving me nuts. The two fellowships he's interested are only 1 year in length, and he thinks he must do these right after he finishes residency or else (insert dire music here, and a soap opera close up of his face) "he may never go back." OK-- I vote for that one!

Anyway, the problem is that he sees everything through the prism of his career. I see everything through the prism of our family. When he finishes residency, Kate will be entering 11th grade. A really nice time to move... So, he wants to go to do a fellowship, and when I said, "You can just go do it, and we'll stay here" he says, "If the family doesn't stay together, then I won't go." Sounds noble to him. But terribly manipulative to me. I don't like being in this position. And for some reason, it's all urgent now because it impacts what types of research projects he gets involved in...

Speaking of research projects, next week DH is going to Philly to present a poster. The department *graciously* decided to pay for DH's conference fee, but with a spoonful of guilt. They told him that they used up "half of the department budget for the rest of the year" just to send him to this conference. Two different attendings at different times told him that he would not get reimbursed for gas, lodging, or anything, while reminding him that he WAS getting the conference fee paid for... Well... DH happened to run into a financial person at the hospital the other day, and he asked her what the policy is about conferences and reimbursements. She told him that they get reimbursed for everything-- including an allowance for meals, airfare if needed, hotel, conference fees... Everything. DH told her that the department is out of money, basically, to which she told him that a *different* department pays for all this stuff.

Turns out that one of DH's classmates-- a 2nd year resident-- is getting full reimbursement for a trip to a conference in Seattle where he will present a poster. Just like DH is doing, except that this guy is going to do an "oral presentation" of his poster which means he's going to stand next to it for 2 hours so that people can ask him questions about it... Full Reimbursement. DH talked to this guy a few weeks ago, and mentioned how much it sucked that they don't get reimbursed for hotels or anything, and this guy just said, Uh, yeah, I know... It sucks... He didn't say, "Gee, I get reimbursed! It's strange that you don't!" We are starting to realize that this resident looks out for numero uno only-- this is the 2nd time in 3 months where he's misled DH and the other residents- to his own benefit only. It just sucks. We thought he was a solid guy, but I just don't think DH can trust him.

Anyway, DH plans to carefully ask the PD to explain why Resident throw you under the bus gets reimbursed while DH doesn't... Of course, if the PD says, "Suck it up!" DH will let it drop b/c he doesn't want to be on the **** list...

It's just stressful.

DH is also going to be in charge of scheduling the junior residents' next year for their call. I didn't really want him to do this, but it gives him a seat at the meeting the administrative types have in the spring where they discuss major changes to the program. Clearly he doesn't want the resident who threw him under the bus to have that position (he is seriously the most slobbery lap dog of the PD ever) and the other resident is way to laid back for that position... Hopefully this will mean that we'll get the call schedule we want, but I think it's just going to be a huge headache.

On the home front, things haven't been that wonderful. Kate decided to not do homework the entire last 2 or 3 weeks of the third quarter. Of course, I don't find out about this until the damage is done, and pretty much all her grades dropped by one full letter...

She is involved in her musical, which is basically a big social thing. She gets to hang out with her friends for 2 hours after school. When she gets home, she's too *tired* or *stressed* to do her homework, of course.

She's been through 2 boyfriends since the musical started. One of them called himself "bisexual" (WTF??? Seriously... These 13-year-olds call themselves "bisexual" if they "have no problem with gay people." When I asked Kate if that meant that he liked boys, too, she said, "No, he only likes girls".)

Anyway, he dumped Kate in a pretty rude way, sending her into this emotional tailspin for a very bad week. The next boyfriend, about 2 weeks after the breakup, is a "scene" guy which I guess means a happier version of emo or goth? I don't know. He has a lip ring. I think they are gearing up to break up, since he appears to be *avoiding* her...

I just can't wait for summer break. This has been a pretty terrible year with her. Some of the stuff that goes on at her school... I just want to bury my head in the sand. I don't WANT to know anything, but I know that I NEED to know what's going on, and I should be so thankful that she talks to me...

[peggyfromwastate]

DH and I have been in a bit of a funk lately. We'll get over it, and I think we'll be stronger for it eventually, but it seems like we're just not on the same page, at all. I am too tired to even try to explain what I do all day, or to ask his input on house matters... I try to listen to him when he talks about work, but it just breeds more resentment from me. I wonder why I know so many details about his coworkers (whom I haven't even ever met- DH is ALWAYS on call when they have department get togethers with families invited-- I've met only 1 chief resident and the other 2 PGY-2s, and 2 attendings... that's it.) I know so much crap about his life, and I feel like he has not a clue about mine.

Sigh.

I've tried to engage him, but I just get bored and discouraged in the retelling of what goes on here. I have the schedules posted all over the house, and I expect him to keep up on where we are, but he still asks "where were you when..." or on a day when we have 2 different soccer practices to get to he thinks that would be the day to... take the kids out for ice cream or something... He's just on a different planet, that's all.

So, I can't even explain how out-of-sync I feel with him, but this is one example. The other day he was downstairs working on a project that's been waiting for his attention for weeks. He heard through Kate's door some questionable lyrics on a new CD she just bought. It wasn't a *parental advisory* CD or anything, but he heard the F word and I think the S word... Keeping it G-rated for you guys... So, of course, he goes nuts and forces her to give him the CD, and then he lectures her about it for a while, and goes back to work. I get the CD, and have her come upstairs to listen to it with me. There were a couple of songs with cuss words, so I asked her why she likes the songs.

Typical responses here- "The beat is really good." "I don't listen to the lyrics, I just like the beat." "Everyone cusses in school. It's normal." "I don't think it's a big deal."

So, we discuss bad language. I know that everyone cusses, first thing. All you have to do is go to the movies or a mall or somewhere were there are tweens and teens, and do a bit of eavesdropping, and it's part of the language. I asked her about cusses, does she do it, etc., etc. She says she doesn't cuss, and I really think she doesn't because if she did as a habit, it would definitely come out at home when she totally loses her cool. The worst I've heard her call me is *stupid* and that was when she was pretty mad, and after she let slip that S-word she got all pale and shaky...

Anyway, this prompted a very productive discussion between her and me about her language, and the effects of peer pressure on her, and what she accepts as good behavior "just cuz everyone else is doing it" vs what she actually thinks. She admits that she's written her own song lyrics with cussing in them because she thinks that is what she needs to write... Ultimately, our conversation was about how one thing leads to another when you choose to let your friends and peers influence your behavior to the point where you do things you don't want to do just to fit in...

After talking about all the lyrics, the cussing, and some sexist themes, I gave her back the CD. I said, "Here. You can have this CD. Understand that I think the lyrics in there are trashy and won't do you any good. When you hear this CD, you will remember our discussion and you'll think differently about the songs." She was happy to have her CD, and stayed upstairs to talk to me for a while. When she went downstairs, she forgot to take the CD with her. I called her to give it to her, and she said, "Thanks... But I doubt I'll listen to it again. You kind of ruined it for me (with a little smile)."

So, sorry this is so long, geez, but anyway, I told DH that I gave her the CD back after a long discussion of how *bad* lyrics can get in our brains, etc., etc., and he got all pissy with me, and said, "Well, I disagree, but I guess I won't say anything."

I swear. I was *this* close to saying *F* you... Without the editing.

I realized that I just don't think he has a right to even offer his opinion about punishments because he is so rarely home. He's totally not the disciplinarian in the house- none of the kids see him as such. He can't even send Luke to a time-out. He does the 5 count with the long, dragged out 5 followed by... no consequence. It takes one look from me and Luke runs to his time-out spot. I *know* that DH can't do the disciplining because he's just not home enough for it to work. So when I have done something *unconventional* but I believe it was more effective than just trashing the CD, I just don't need the "good doctor's disapproval."

Waaa.

Who knows. Maybe Kate played me, but I don't think so. She didn't think she was getting the CD back. She didn't even think that was a possibility, given that we've thrown away stuff before if we see that it's total garbage (like her little pin that said, "Wow, you're stupid".) But to me, sometimes doing something a little bit surprising can make more of an impression.

Anyway, DH used to listen to gangsta rap when he was a teenager, so give me an *F-ing* break...

He can be so sanctimonious, and it's going to bite him in the butt.

[peggyfromwastate]

One of these days I will get around to moving over to the new blog section... One post at a time, I suppose...

For now, just checking in...

DH and I still find ourselves on different pages of life. He even thinks that we are *doing much better now* than before, and I just look at him like, *who are you and why are you in my kitchen.*

I am not sure what it is, really. I suppose it's mostly my problem, and just something that I need to work through. He came home yesterday excited about a fellowship opportunity, excited about his work, excited about a research project he's gotten himself into. He was *energized* from his job, meanwhile I'm exhausted. Just exhausted. There's nothing energizing about cooking/cleaning/laundry/bills, then cooking/cleaning/laundry/bills, etc., etc., etc. Throw in the extra driving for Kate and her musical, along with soccer, swimming, preschool, parents visiting next week... I don't find myself energized, ever...

But I have put my foot down on one thing. I am going to the gym 2 times a week. Since Josie, sweet thing, will not stay in the childcare room, DH has to be home for me to go. He gets to feel the love of the afternoon/dinner rush. I go in on the weekend one day, and during the week on another day. I was supposed to go in yesterday, but DH just got so excited talking to his mentor about his career... So, I'm going today, thank you ver much, and DH gets to take all the kids AND the baby to swimming, and maybe on to pick Kate up at her musical. So there...

Kate broke up with yet another boyfriend the other day. This one was a real winner. He apparently wrote in the comment section of a mutual friend's myspace that Kate was *ugly* and that he was going to dump her because next year he'll be in high school and he wants to *do* high school girls instead of little middle schoolers. Niiiice. What a gem. I had to explain to Kate that there's really only 1 meaning for *do* when used in that context. She thought it meant *go out with* but I'm afraid there's just not a whole lot of wriggle room on this one. I hope she just stays single for a while. I'm looking forward to the swim season because her summer swim team boyfriend (yes, she has one of these) is a super timid, shy, and quiet Asian guy... We know him, and we trust him...

Yay summer boyfriend time!

The other kids are doing well. Isabel is so funny- she is making it her mission to be *perfect*. When we go somewhere and the boys start running off causing trouble, she stays right by us. When I yell at them to come back and walk with us, on threat of loss of Wii time which seems to be the ONLY thing that motivates them, Isabel says, "Am I walking the right way?" Sweet sweet sweet. Didn't you have a sibling like that when you were a kid- and you just wanted to smack her! It's such a kick. Steven is trying to think of ways to get her to misbehave to lose some Wii minutes. Luke and Steven have lost 5 minutes each so far this week...

Josie is doing well, but sort of in between in nap world. She's probably going to be ready to transition to 1 nap a day in a month or so. Already it's a struggle to get her down for the 2-- since she often wakes up from her semi-sleep stage after I rock her for about 10 minutes. She has enough energy left at that time to make herself all the way awake, which means when I put her down she starts crying... She doesn't ever CIO in the daytime-- just at night, so I usually let her cry for about 10 minutes, and then try the whole thing again... Sigh. Sleep issues.

That's about it from here. We're in the midst of soccer now. It's going ok, just ok.